Not Good!

The Army is in mid-season form. Tallying another disappointing loss, 5-1 to the hands of BBI/Broken Drum. For the 3rd straight game, a different goalie. The Army is struggling finding a consistent net minder. "I can't believe we can't get goalie," said Perry Marto. Marto continued, "It should be easy to find a goalie that is expected to make 50-60 saves a night. Goalies want shots, we give them plenty." Marto was also the hero of the night, netting the Army's only goal with under 20 second left. Marto was feed like a baby from Todd Palmiscno. Yes that Todd Palmiscno that consistently give the puck away to the other team. Oh, by the way Todd Schumacher's turnover in the first 20 seconds of the game ended in the net. The big concern for the Army is when is Division 1, Steve Palmiscno going to get going. Bill Knipe said, "He has been a cupcake this year. He needs to work hard like I do." The loss dropped the Army to 1-2 on the year. Most Likely the closest they will be to the .500 mark on the season!

Army Back in Action

The 1-1 Red Army is back on the rick tonight against BBI. This mammoth tilt starts at 7:00 and is being played at the Gambucci Arena. The Army is hoping to be at full strength tonight. The Army was down 5 regulars last week. So fans have your fingers crossed on that front! Questions abound for tonight's game. Most importantly, who has the beer for tonight! But team wise: Will Swenny have his skate fixed, will the Knipes take off work to play. Did someone tell Anderson the game is cancelled. Will McMillan come out of retirement or just bring beer. How many minuses will Schumacher and Palmiscno have. Most importantly, will Lenny remember the water bottles. These questions and many more will be answered tonight! Call 1-800-REDARMY for best available ticket!

Short-handed Army gets spanked!

The Red Army was missing 4 players last night and it showed. The Army got demolished 7-3 to a much faster Kelly's team. The Army only had 3 defensemen, 2 of which were Todd Palmiscno and Todd Schumacher. "So in reality we had one blue-liner tonight," said a tired goaltender, Eric Melland. Melland finished with 14 saves. All came when Schumacher a Palmiscno were not pair together. Only goals were scored with those 2 on the ice. On the bright side, Lance Norman scored. Norman has had 102 shots on net this year. "My scoring percentage is a little low (.98%), but at least I scored," said a confident Norman. Len Boucher added, "I didn't think he could put it in the ocean from a small boat!" The loss drops the Army to 1-1. It may be the last time the Army is at or above the .500 mark this year. So fans, you need to show up next week. Because it is sure to get uglier as the year progresses.

Late one tonight!

The Huff-n-Puff league is in disarray. The Commissioners are wondering why the Red Army is playing at 9:45. CEO of the League, Chad Hanson, said, "The Army consistently draws the biggest crowds and sell the most jerseys. The are our cash cow. We will be having the FBI do an investigation!" It is also a big day as Steve Palmicsno will celebrate his 53 birthday with a ceremony before the game. Anyone coming to the game will get a free 6-pack of Yuengling straight from Pittsburgh!. Palmiscno said, "I only have 2 6-packs so I hope no one show." The recap of the game tomorrow. With the late start, the story may have to wait until tomorrows late edition.

Huge Win

It looked grim for the Army last night as they fell behind 3-1 to OOB after one period. But without McMillan, both Palmos and Eric Melland, the Army stormed back to win 5-4. "We should have won the game 5-1 if Schumacher would have showed up for the first period. Do you know that he was -2 for the period," ranted Steve Olson. Back-up goalie Chris Decker was shaky in the first but settled down to make 5 save in the last 2 periods. "I'm just here to help the team," said Decker. Decker continued, "I just wished that Steve Palmiscno was here to see how a goalie can play!" The Army needed a late goal from Lance Norman to break the 4-4 tie. Mike Anderson thought he had scored the goal, but video replay clearly showed that Norman got the deflection. Unbelievably the Army is 1-0 on the season.

Season Opener

The Red Army starts a new season tonight with questions abound. The Army takes on OOB tonight at 7pm at the Gambucci Arena. "Who the hell is OOB," pondered Steve Olson. The questions that need to be answered are these. How will the Army do after the surprise retirement of Shawn McMillan. How will his replacement, Wade Anderson do? Will coach Paukert split up the defensive pairing of Todd Palmiscno and Todd Schumacher. Will Perry Marto get his weight back to 195. Will Steve Olson ever see his feet again. Will Bill Knipe back check. Will Lenny Boucher wash his uniform? Will Chad Swendseid find his own zone? How many saves will Eric Melland have. "Zero," said Steve Palmiscno. These are just a few of the questions that the Army needs to answer. This reporter knows that it doesn't matter. The Army will most likely go 4-14-2 on the season. So why try to answer. Come and watch and laugh your ass off at these old guys. You will fins out that your day can't be that bad!