Army sqeaks out victory

The Red Army defeated Caufield's 1-0 last night in Huff-n-Puff action to raise their record to 2-4. The Army scored late in the 3rd on a tic-tac-toe passing play. Lenny Boucher was the recipient of the play and buried the puck past a sprawling goalie. Setting up the play were Todd Schumacher and Perry Marto. Marto actually caught the puck on the backhand and made a backhand pass to Boucher standing all alone in front of the net. "It was an unbelievable pass from Marto, he must have had a little magic in his stick playing at the Ralph," said Boucher. Bill Knipe quipped, "I think he was trying to show off to his son Jake (who was in the stands)." The Army will be taking the next 2 weeks off for the holiday season. Though the front office will be sent to Siberia to see if they can find any one that could help out the Army. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich was seen in a rink in Novokuznetsk, Siberia. He was heard saying, "Only the Siberian women would be big enough to play for the Army, none of the men have what it takes."

Army Takes "A" Game To The Ralph

The Red Army takes on Caufield's tonight at 6:15 at The Ralph. This is the last time to see the Army in 2008, as the Huff-n-Puff League will be taking the next two weeks off for the holiday. The Army also needs the time to take off any weight it gains during the holiday season. With the game being moved to the 11,000 seat Ralph Englestad Arena, amazingly their are tickets still available, around 10,986. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours. The Army is in the midst of a four game losing streak. At 1-4 the Army is looking for any positives going into the break. Owner, Darrell Boucher, has closed all practices and put a gag order on all players and coaches for tonight's game. Boucher said, "I'm sick off our players giving the other team bulletin board material. Just shut up and play. We don't need to be like T.O. or Stephon Marbury. I pay my guys to play!" GM Kevin Kyle added, "If Lance Norman doesn't start producing, he will be paid to stay away. All other will be just asked to stay away." Needless to say, the Army is in disarray. Right now the players wished they were in Dallas.

Army loses 8-5

The Red Army gave one away last night, 8-5 to Kelly's. Kelly's jumped out to a 5-0 lead after one period and a 7-1 lead after 2, before the Army woke up and dominated the third. Goaltending was the key to the game. Kelly's goalie, Pat Arneson, ended the game with 47 saves compared to Army goalie, Josh Gilbertson's 14. "Gilbertson needs to get mentally ready for the game. He put us into a hole we just couldn't climb out of," said Bill Knipe. Kelly's started quick, scoring on their first 3 shifts of the game. Kelly's center Todd Warner, "I was so easy to score. We knew that the Army defense was a little suspect, but didn't know it was that porous." Todd Palmiscno of the Army answered, "He is right. We have Oly their to create and the others, including me, just have to keep the puck away from the net." The only bright spot for the Army was that Todd Schumacher scored. The goal has given Schumacher at least one goal a year while playing in the Huff and Puff League. Steve Palmiscno said, "I would have never passed it to Schumacher if I knew he would catch the pass and score. We will never hear the end of this!"

Army at it Again

The Red Army takes on Kelly's in a match-up of 2 bitter division rivals. Game time is 8:15 at the Gambucci Arena. These teams don't like each other after Kelly's has repeatedly tried to lure Army winger Lance Norman over to their team. The instigators have been Todd Warner and Jade Gilbertson. They figure a couple of beers and they would have him. Warner was overheard during a taped phone conversation to Norman, " Come on Normy, playing for us would be the bomb. We serve good beer at Kelly's, and you can sit next to Gilby." But rumor has it that the Army would give Norman to Kelly's but they can't secure the used puck bag they want for him. In another developing story, Mike Anderson was actually seen getting our of his police car this morning during a minor fender bender in East Grand Forks. He didn't have the taser out, as Kurt Comeau wasn't one to the people in the crash. We are not sure if Mike will be able to play, as it takes a lot of energy to peel your self off the seat of a Crown Vic. So we will have to wait and see. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets for tonight's game. There are plenty left as the Army fan base is dwindling.

Army Edged 1-0

In a battle of goaltending the Red Army was shutout by the El Roco Buschwackers 1-0. The goal came midway through the 3rd period on a one timer from the high slot. The puck slide past a surprised Josh Gilbertson. "Gilbertson played well for most of the game except on the goal. He reminded us a lot of Toby Palmiscno," said a disgruntled Steve Olson. "He played like crap," said Steve Palmiscno, "We still lost. Any time yo lose the goalie stinks." The lost dropped the Army to 1-2 on the year. The Army takes on Rumors on Wednesday at 7:00pm at the Eagles Arena. The Army will be without Todd Schumacher, he has been shipped to Siberia for extra training.

Army vs Wackers, Bigger than Sioux vs Gophers

Tonight is the night that people have waited for 364 days. The Thanksgiving Eve showdown between the Red Army and the El Roco Buschwackers. The game is an official sellout with less than 100 SRO seats left. The Eagles Arena will be rocking when the puck drops at 7:00. Both teams locked out the media and refused to talk to the media. Neither team wanted bulletin board material. The Army still isn't sure if Perry Marto will play tonight. Every Army fan is hoping he is still hurt. The other question surrounding the Army is, will Lance Norman show up. After scoring in his first game back, Norman was absent from last weeks game. No one knew where he was. This reporter has learned that Norman was suspended for one game by the Huff-n-Puff league for streaking down DeMers ave on November 22. More on this later. The Buschwackers say they will have 45 guys dress for tonight's game. It may take that many to defeat the Army. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets.

Game of the Century Tomorrow Night

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, the newest tradition renews it rivalry tomorrow night. The El Roco Buschwackers take on the Red Army in Huff-n-Puff action. Game time is 7:00 at the Eagles Arena. Standing room only tickets remain for the game. With the Army 1-1 so far this year, there is actually interest in the game. Most years the Army is Zero and whatever entering the game. "As long as we can keep Marto off the ice we have a chance," said Steve Olson. Wacker forward Keith Anderson said, "We found the best knee specialist in the country to work on Marto. So we think he will play. That will help us tremendously. He is definitely the Army's worse player now." More on the game tomorrow in the Red Army News.

Teams need a score reporter

Teams in the Puff division, you can email me the scores so I can keep up the standing on the web site. tschumacher@egf.k12.mn.us

Army loses 4-1 to Base

Kurt Comeau scored the only goal for the Army and Steve Knipe scored on his own net. That pretty much summarizes the game. The new reporter sent to the game had a severe anxiety attack and died. So the write up today isn't very good.

Red Army looks to go 2-0

The Army takes on the GFAFB tonight at 6:00 at the Blue Line Arena. If the Army wins tonight it would be the first time in 15 years they started 2-0. The Army will be with out Perry Marto, mystery injury, and Todd Schumacher, League discipline. Marto still claims that he has a knee injury. Owner Darrell Boucher states, "It looks like Marto is trying to be like Manny Ramirez. His refusal to play may get him suspended for the year." Steve Olson quipped, "Hell, I haven't wanted to play the last 3 years. Maybe I should refuse to play." Schumacher is another story. After last weeks game, Schumacher may defaming remarks about the poor officiating of Matt Palmiscno. Thus is suspended for the game. "I was only restating what his Dad said, and I'm the one suspended. Where is my union rep!" Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY.

Norman Scores in Debut

Lance Norman didn't disappoint the home crowd last night as he notched his first goal in more than 3 years on his Re-debut with the Army. The Army defeated Gerrell's 7-4 in the Huff-n-Puff opener. Norman's goal came in the first period on a picture perfect pass from Shawn McMillan. "I was able to bury the puck. It felt good to get the monkey of my back early," said a jubilant Norman. McMillan added, "If it wasn't for putting the puck directly on Norman's stick, he wouldn't have scored." The Army was solid again on its first shift of the game. In the 2 preseason games and last nights game, the Army hasn't given up a goal in the first shift. Asked why, Bill Knipe stated, "No Marto!" Knipe didn't need to elaborate further. Though Steve Palmiscno added, "We are looking into giving Marto his unconditional release. Management is working with his agent." Marto didn't play again last night due to an undisclosed injury. All this reporter knows is it has something to do with a desk, stapler and a roll of masking tape.

Season Lid Lifter

The Red Army opens the 2008-09 campaign tonight as they face off with Gerrell's at 8:30. A capacity crowd is expected for tonight's game in the Blue Line Arena. Fans have been lining up since yesterday to capture the few remaining standing room only seats. The anticipation is for the return of Lance Norman to the Army lineup. Norman has been sidelined with injuries the past few years. He thinks he is healthy enough to play. Army player/manager Perry Marto disagrees, "He will most likely play about 3 games this year before injuring himself. Most likely running into Mike Anderson or the boards behind the net." Norman answered, " I have worked on my agility, so I can keep away from Mike. But I haven't worked on stopping, so the boards behind the net could be tricky." The only other question is what game will Todd Schumacher score to keep his scoring streak in tact. He has scored in every year he has put on the Army sweater. Steve Olson remarked, "He can't score in a cathouse with a fist full of hundreds." We will see.

First Game is Scheduled

Red Army fans through out the world rejoice. The Army opens the season tomorrow at 8:30 at the Blue Line Arena. Their first victim is Gerrell's. More on this season lid lifter tomorrow.

Army takes on Wacker's in exhibition game

In a friendly contest last night the Bushwackers defeated the Army 7-6 in Huff-n-Puff exhibition action last night. In a game that featured no clock or officials the two veteran teams put on a show for the capacity crowd. Most of the old timers saw limited action. The Army welcomed back Lance Norman. Norman, who had been traded to a team in Siberia to hone his skills, had an ok debut. "I was happy, I didn't fall as many time as I thought and I didn't run into Anderson at all. My puck skills still need some work though," said an elated Norman. That wasn't the sentiment of some of his Army teammates. "He has lost his ability to tripod. He just doesn't have any quickness anymore, he is slower than Schumacher," said Steve Olson. The Wacker's also welcomed back Terry Dvorak. His absence of more that 5 years really showed. Wacker veteran Baron Purcell said, "He hasn't played in a while and it shows, he isn't even as good as I am. That is saying a lot." The regular season begins next Wednesday. Check back next week for the Huff-n-Puff schedule.

Red Army gets ready for the season

The Red Army hockey team had a meet and greet forum on Wednesday at the Knights of Columbus to kick off a new year in front of 430 fans. The Army opens the exhibition season next Wednesday at 6:45 at the Eagles Arena. The Army traded goalie, Toby Palmiscno, to Bemidji State for 3 cases of tape and 2 used hockey sticks. So the Army is still searching for a new goalie. Many have had a try out, but none have that Army intestinal fortitude. They throw up every time they see any Army player skate. Tickets for next weeks game are on sale at 1-800-REDARMY. More on next weeks exhibition game next Wednesday.

Season Starts in 2 weeks

The Red Army beings the Regular Season in 2 weeks. An exhibition game for all rookies will take place next Wednesday. More on that later.