Yes another loss!

The army played their most complete game last night, losing 6-4 with Caufields score an empty net goal with 17 seconds remaining. One could say they were all open net goals with Gilby play goalie. Once again, out scored with the net minder making 11 saves for a save percentage of 65%. "I actually thought we had a chance with him making that many save!" Quipped Steve Knipe. The Army was pressing with 1 minute left when Paukert carried the puck toward the net only to have D-1 Palmo have 2 chances for the tie to no avail. The army again was playing with a short bench as Lenny - lower body injury, Swenny - upper body injury, Schuey - out for violating team rules, Ole - undefined and Marto - third trimester. This team needs to get healthy and loose collectively about 300#. Look for a turn around the second half or heads will roll.

Army now 0-6-2

All I know is the Army got beat. So it is not Schumacher's fault. Who is benched for Jan. 5

Game time 6:00 vs Caufield's at GFBLC

The Red Army takes on Caufield's tonight in Huff-n-Puff action. Caufield's defeated the Army earlier this year 6-2. But since then the Army has played much better defensively. The Army hasn't scored more than 3 goals in a game all season is ready for a breakout game. Coach Terry Paukert has inserted himself in the line-up after benching Todd Schumacher after last weeks pitiful performance. Paukert says, "I figure with Schumacher out of the lineup it could be a 4 goal swing. I know we will be better defensively and we should be better in their end because we will get the puck out of our end." Josh Gilbertson doesn't agree with his coach, "Schumacher is our best defenseman in front of the net. He has saved numerous goals that I in no way would stop." If the Army can't come up with a win tonight it will be the first time the army hasn't won before the Christmas break. (No game next week) GM Kevin Kyle said, "Heads will roll if we can't at least pick up a point. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich is In Prince Edward Island scouting right now and the checkbook is open. Nobodies position is safe." Lots of tickets still remain for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all Army fans!

Tonight, the long awaited move has finally been made to stop the bleeding. Coach Terry Paukert has inserted himself into the lineup to rectify the defensive stymie this team has been in for the past 3 seasons. “It was an obvious move to make replace the weakest link at the blue line. Schumacher is more concerned with keeping his personal goal streak alive than his other streak of averaging -4 per game, with 2 direct assists to the other team!” The addition of Pauk is sure to intimidate the rest of the league. Once feared as the longest reach in the league, this lineup can only improve with this move. “This may not be the last move we make. This team should start to recognize anyone is a blink away from having the “Coach wants to see you” notice in there stall. Added Paukert: “If this move doesn’t shake things up, I will personally keep replacing personnel until we find the lineup that works. I may end up playing Goalie next week. Wake up Gilbertson stand up and make the ****ing save!” Game time is 6:00 at the Blueline Club vs Caufields.

baron

red army plays at 6:00 pm at gf blue line vs caufields. thank you .

No Offense again

The Red Army continues to have trouble scoring as they went down again 2-1 to the hands of the El Roco Buschwackers. The loss dropped the Army to 0-5-2. It is possible that the Army could go win-less before the Christmas break for the first time in franchise history. The game was a total debacle. On the first shift Army defensman, Todd Schumacher, whiffed 3 times and passed the puck to the other team twice, and he got worse as the game went on. Coach Terry Paukert said it was the Schuamcher's worst performance of his illustrious career. "I can't believe how Schumacher played. He wouldn't have been able to play in a mite game. He is going to have to be sat down next week and I will be taking his place to show him how it is done." Perry Marto added, "Schumacher can talk about how we only gave up 2 goals and the forwards could only muster 1 on the night. But when you have to play in the defensive end all night, because on one defensman, you are not going to get a lot of shots." On a positive note Shawn McMillan notched his first goal of the year. McMillan said, "It was definitely the icy hot before the game. Our masseuse, Jen Sterger, did a great job on my "Shoulder". I'm glad Brett Farve recommended her." Josh Gilbertson finished with 5 saves for the Army in one of his best performances of the year. "I'm just glad I have the players in front of me that don't allow a lot of shots. When you have a save percentage of 60% you can't afford to have many shots on me if we want to win." Can't wait until next week!

buschwackers

up date from buschwackers. this game is huge?funny you should talk about a bounty?coach jerry lundby said a busch lt pounder. for any one that takes out gillby in the net. what gilby dosn`t need any help.said flaagen he sucks all by his self. we are looking for donations at the door . 3:00 dollers so curchill can get his skates sharpened this year.we think it will be an alltime atendance record tonight. more than the michegan game. so come early and drink that free beer. lee kofstad is back in the line up after missing 3 games du to gulblader illness. rumer has it he ate his own cooking while deer hunting. or he wasnot drinking the blue yuuummeess. 7:00 pm gam this game mabe on espn live. watch and see?

Army-El Roco round 2

The Red Army is still looking for the first win of the year vs their arch rival El Roco. Tonight's game is at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. A capacity crowd of 13,000 is expected tonight as free beer will be given to the first 5000 fans at the game and the rest of the crowd will be given a free taser. All compliments of Brian Purcell and Dave Roche. Purcell said, "We just want the thank the fans for all they do for this league. We are also giving the Army 4 cases of beer tonight. Hopefully they will drink it before the game so we have a better chance." "The more beer we drink the better we get," said a confident Coach Terry Paukert. Todd Palmiscno added, "Lenny Boucher and beer, it is a lethal combination. He is the best when he has had a few. Just remember Silver Bay." The Army is 0-4-2 on the season and the way they have played this year, this reporter thinks there is no way the Army will win tonight. It will take a Tretiak effort by Josh Gilbertson for the Army to have a chance. "That ain't going to happen," said Steve Palmiscno. "He is only good for bringing beef sticks to the game." Rumor has it that GM Kevin Kyle has set a bounty on Dennis Flaagen. Kyle was overheard saying, Flaagen has been a pain in my side for 20 years. I want him taken out, plain and simple. Two rolls of tape should be enough for a bounty."

Even 54 shots on net for Army not enough

The Red Army out-shot Gerrell's 54-14 and still lost 3-1. The game could have been different, as it appeared that Steve Knipe scored in the second period that would have cut the lead to 3-2. Video replay couldn't confirm if the puck went into the net. "We score that goal, and now we have all of the confidence we need. It was less than 30 seconds left in the period and I think Gerrell's would have folded up the tent," said Perry Marto. Coach Terry Paukert wasn't convinced that the goal would have helped the Army, "We hit the bulls-eye to many times tonight. Yeah we had a lot of shots, but when you shoot the puck right at the goalies belly, he is going to make the save." Kurt Comeau was the lone Army scorer and summed it up pretty well after the game, "We need to get tougher around the net. Teams use to fear guys like Marto, Bill Knipe and Len Boucher. Now they get pushed around like a sack of potatoes. Until we get tougher we may not win a game." Distention seems to be mounting on the Army. The usually jovial Army was very upset after the game. Not sure if it had to due with only having one case of beer after the game or not. "If they don't start performing better, we will take away all the beer after the game," said a visibly upset GM, Kevin Kyle. The loss dropped the Army to 0-4-2. Their worst start in franchise history!

Will the win come tonight

Sorry for the delay of the Red Army update. Had to take a kid to the doctor this morning. The Army takes on Gerrell's in Huff-n-Puff action tonight at 6:00 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The Army is 0-3-2 on the season and is struggling scoring goals. Tallying only 11 goals in 5 games. On the bright side the Army has only given up 9 goals in their last three after giving up 11 in the first two. "We lost a lot when Steve Palmiscno went down with a mysterious upper body injury. We haven't been able to fill anyone in on the right side of the Perry Marto and Bill Knipe connection," said Coach Terry Paukert. "I know if Steve had been playing the last three games I would have 8 assist. I'm a play maker and I need a strong right wing. Steve Knipe isn't the answer and neither is Shawn McMillan," screamed a disgusted Perry "Albert Haynesworth" Marto. Steve Palmiscno is blaming his therapist for not allowing him to play. "Lance Norman is my therapist and he just thinks with me out he can get more playing time. I know when I get back he will be riding the pine for quite a while." Everyone on the ice should be safe today as Mike Anderson won't be running into anyone. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets for tonight's game.

Kelly's defeats Army 4-3

The Red Army played their most complete game of the year, but it wasn't good enough as they lost 4-3 to Kelly's bar. Goals by Lance Norman, Len Boucher and Steve "The Creator" Olson, wasn't enough for the Army. "We should win if those 3 guys score," said Coach Terry Paukert. "Our other players needed to step up and score a couple of goals. Shawn McMillan and Bill Knipe were non-factors." The Army played their best in the third, outshooting Kelly's 28-2, but couldn't get anything by the goalie. "It was the best I've seen the Army play in 5 years. I told the guys after the second period, 'if we don't give up any shots this period the worse we will do is tie the game (3-3 after 2 periods)," said an injured Steve Palmiscno. Goalie Josh Gilbertson quipped, "It is easy for Palmo to flap his lips when he isn't out there giving it his all. We had 12 guys busting their butts to try to win the game. Was he trying to be like Derek Anderson of the Arizona Cardinals." The loss dropped the Army to 0-3-2. Will next week bring the first win of the year? That question will be answered next week. I bet you can't wait!

Army still looking for first win

After two consecutive ties, the Red Army is still trying to get their first win on the year. Tonight the Army takes on Kelly's at 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The Army has played better the last 2 week in only giving up 5 goals. Much better than the first 2 weeks, when they gave up 13. "It all starts with our defense, they are the backbone of the team", said coach Terry Paukert. Paukert continued,"3 of the 4 back there have been league all stars (except for Schumacher) and Steve Olson has been the defenseman of the year 6 times in his hall fame career." "We need to get our offense going," said GM Kevin Kyle. "McMillan needs to pick it up. With Marto highlight reel goal last week, we know he is done for the next month." Kelly's will be a tough test for the Army. Their skill, speed and strength will be an asset for them. Kelly's is coming off a two week suspension of team activities for being found guilty of tampering. Kelly's was also fined for trying to lure players already under contract to play for them. Reportedly Kelly's was trying to get Lance Norman and Mike Anderson from the Army and Brain Purcell and Dave Roche from the El Roco. The owners of the Army and the El Roco both have both said that the suspension of Kelly's was unwarranted. Owner of the Army, Darrell Boucher, said, "If Kelly's wanted those four guys, I would have gladly given Lance and Mike up for 6 used pucks." Get your tickets at 1-800-REDARMY.

Army plays to another tie

The Red army tied the El Roco Buschwackers 3-3 last night in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army had to battle back from a 2-0 deficit in the first and 3-2 in the third. The game was highlighted by a goal from Perry Marto in the first period. "Steve Olson got down to creation. Ole finally put on an offensive show," said Coach Terry Paukert. "His touch pass to Marto was a thing of beauty. We just couldn't believe that Marto put it where Mamma keeps the cookies, in the top shelf." The Army actually got a stellar performance from goalie Josh Gilberston. Gilbertson finish with 14 saves. "It is about time he played like this. It has only taken him 3 years to figure it out," said an injured Steve Palmiscno. "I can't believe that we tied the Army, we are so much more talented than they are. But I guess they played with more heart. We having too many "Tin Men" on our team," said Brian "Baron" Purcell. "We need more players like Lance Norman and Todd Palmiscno," added Jerry Lundby. The tie puts the Army at 0-2-2. This is 1 more point that this reporter thought the Army would get this season. Looks like bonuses from Owner Darrell Boucher for everyone on the team.

This game is huge

Rivals, the Red Army and the El Roco get after it tonight in a Huff-n-Puff league showdown. The game has been moved to the Gambucci Arena to allow the Fighting Sioux Sports Network to televise tonight tilt, which begins at 7:00 pm. The two teams have been dominate for most of the 25 years the league has been in existence, but both have fallen on hard times as age and weight have become a factor. But throw all that out the window. This rivalry bring out the best in everyone. "WE just don't like these guys. I just wished that Kevin Kyle would play one more game so I could stick him in the groin," Said El Roco winger, Brian Purcell. "We would like to stick him to," replied Army center Perry Marto. Tonight's game will most likely come down goaltending. The El Roco has a goalie and the Army doesn't. If the Army can hold the El Roco to less than 10 shots, they could win 10-8. So the Army defense will have to be huge. "That is easy for us because they average 240 pounds," said coach Terry Paukert. Get your tickets at 1-800-REDARMY.

Army vs El Roco Wednesday

The annual Thanksgiving Eve game between the Red Army and El Roco is slated for the Gambucci Arena at 7:00pm. Rumor has it that there will be 3 special guests in the arena. Kevin Kyle is expected to be in attendance, along with Barry Melrose and Don Cherry. So tickets are at a premium. There are less than 100 left for the game. Call 1-800-REDARMY to get yours.

Army picks up a point

The Red Army was 1:20 away from a win last night, but had to settle for a 2-2 tie. The Army trailed early in the game, but got 2 fist period goals by Kurt Comeau and Len Boucher. But the Army defensive shell couldn't handle the relentless Broken Drum offense late in the game. "The puck took a bad bounce behind the net." said Steve Olson. "When I tried to clear it around the boards, it hit a skate and went right out front." Coach Terry Paukert was visibly steamed about the play. "We had both defensemen caught behind the net. I didn't think it was possible for Olson and Swendseid to be both behind the net at the same time. I didn't think there was enough room. And the forward weren't close to the action as they were cherry-picking at the blue line." Josh Gilbertson may have had his finest effort as a member of the Army. He made 16 stops with only 2 goals against to drop his GAA to 4.3. "Just wait, we will see the Gilby we know and love in the next couple of weeks," said Steve Palmiscno. "He still should have made the last save!" On a positive note, Todd Schumacher And Todd Palmiscno were both plus 2 on the night. Schumacher also picked up a helper. Both Schumacher and Palmiscno are in the last years of their contracts so you can tell they are playing just to bolster their stats and get a large contract extension. The other big news is that GM KEVIN KYLE will be making an appearance next week as the Army will be taking on the El Roco. Kyle who would rather watch the games from his office might actually be in attendance. He may even put a bounty on the head of Brian Purcell. More on this breaking news next week!

Will the first win be tonight?

The 0-2 Red Army puts it perfect record on the line tonight against the Broken Drum. Game time is 6:30 at the EGFBLC arena. The smaller rink should help the army sustain a forecheck. The Army is having a dismal season producing goals. they are averaging 2 goals a game in the Puff division. All the other teams are averaging 5-6 goals per game. "I think the small rink and fast ice will showcase our talents," said Kurt Comeau. "I know I will skate harder knowing the Mike Anderson has access to a Taser." The rink should also help the aging defensive corps. With a shorter length, it wont take as much force to ice the puck. A strategy the Army has use quite effectively over the past few seasons. Defensmen Steve Olson added, "The way our forwards backcheck, icing the puck is the only way to get it out of the zone. We might even get lucky and the puck will end up on an Army stick. Lord knows if the puck is in our end for more than 15 seconds, it will end up in the net. Gilby sucks." Taking with GM Kevin Kyle, Kyle stated, "Our goal is to win one game. With the athletes we have it is going to be difficult. A panoramic camera, couldn't get the whole team in a picture for our program."

Nov. 17 game

Game time is 6:30 at the EGFBLC vs the Broken Drum.

Army can't find offense in 5-2 loss.

The Red Army looked dismal for the first 2 periods as they could only muster 8 shots on net. The Army trailed 5-0 after those two periods. Amazingly, goalie Josh Gilbertson kept the game that close. The Army did manage 2 goals in the 3rd by Kurt Comeau and Mike Anderson. "It is about time Gilby played well," said Steve Palmiscno. "We have only waited 3 years for him to play a good game." Palmiscno played only half of the game as he hurt his shoulder. He got it caught between Perry Marto and Bill Knipe. Palmiscno was reaching for a water bottle on the bench that was located between Knipe and Marto. Both Knipe and Marto thought Palmiscno was reaching for the cheeseburger that was next the the water bottle. Well, Newton's 2nd law of motion came into effect and Palmiscno was out the rest of the game. Coach Terry Paukert said, "I think if the game had 4 periods, we would have tied it up. We were really good the last 5 minutes. It looks like our conditioning program is working well." Len Boucher added, "If we would have had to play 4 periods, I think the whole team would have skated off the ice. Does Paukert think he is Brad Childress?"

Big Game Tonight

The Red Army plays tonight at 7:00 pm at the Eagles Arena. The opponent is yet to be determined. The Huff-n-Puff league is trying something new this week, as no one knows who they are playing. In an attempt to halt illegal video scouting, the league made this decision. Owner Darrell Boucher said, "This should help our team. Our scouting budget is almost nothing compared to other teams. No other team has to pay as much as I do because of health care cost for this team. 75% of these guys are walking time bombs." The biggest thing about tonight's game will be the absence of Mr. Consistent, Todd Schumacher. He will be at a church ceremony. The clergy will be performing an exorcism on his stick. Coach Terry Paukert said, "We are trying anything to stop him from passing the puck to the other team. We need to get rid of the demons in that stick." If this works, Todd Palmiscno will be having this ceremony next week.

Nov. 10

As far as I know, we play at 7:00pm at the Eagles arena on Wednesday. I got the info from Kevin.

Opener goes the way of Caufield's

The Red Army started the season with 6-2 loss to Caufield's. Things looked good for the Army as they only trailed 2-1 after one period, but the lead quickly jumped to 4-1 after two. The Army did score again late in the third to make it a 6-2 game. "If we had 6 more minutes I think we get a tie," said Steve Olson. "Our best hockey was the last 6 minutes of the game. It showed our off-season conditioning program was starting to pay off." Kurt Comeau and Len Boucher were the Army goal scorers last night. The Army still is looking toward their goaltending situation. Josh Gilbertson gave up all 6 goals on 13 shots. A better save percentage as last year. "He needs to play better," said Perry Marto. "We need to get a better effort from him." In this reporters opinion, there needs to be a lot more effort given by the whole team. Most guys looked like they were moving backwards.

It all starts tonight

Unfortunately the Red Army begins the season tonight against Caufiled's at 8:30 at the BLC Arena in Grand Forks. When will these guys give up on playing this stupid game. But here are some prediction for the season

Perry Marto will gain 10 lbs.
Shawn McMillan will have to play on Bill Knipe's line
Bill Knipe will miss the net 345 times this year
Josh Gilbertson will have a save percentage of 12%. Higher than last year.
Lance Norman will get hurt.
Todd Schumacher will score 3 goals
Steve Olson will not see his feet
Steve Palmisnco will pass the puck to Schumacher 4 times during the year
Todd Palmiscno will not get mad all year
Kurt Comeau will get a new hairdo
Steve Knipe will get a day off from work
Mike Anderson will run into everyone on the team at least twice
Len Boucher will wash his stuff 3 times this year
Chad Swendseid will not miss a game this year.

Season Lid-Lifter

The Red Army will open the season on Wednesday against Caufiled's at 8:30 at the BLC arena in Grand Forks. More to come on Wednesday.

Todd and Steve Palmiscno's Mom

The Red Army members would like to express their deepest sympathy to the Palmiscno family on the passing of their mother, Betty. The Prayer service is Tuesday night at 7:00 at Norman Funeral home. The funeral is at St. Mike's at 11:00 on Wedsneday.

Autograph signing

Perry Marto will be signing autographs from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm at In-prints this week Monday-Friday. Don't miss out on this. If you donate a grinder to Perry, you can have 3 things signed!

This is why the Red Army still plays

Go to this link http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7192553/

The Season Starts Soon

The Red Army season will start in about 5 weeks. What is your prediction(s) for this years campaign?

Only one day until awards banquet

The Red Army award banquet is almost here. Friday night at 7:00 at the GF Curling Club. There are less than 100 tickets ($40 each) left for the event. Don't disappoint your favorite Army fan by not going to this event. Call 1-800-REDARMY for your ticket.

Red Army Awards Banquet

The Red Army will be having its annual end of the season awards Banquet. This years celebration will be held on Friday, April 23 at 7:00, at the Grand Forks Curling Club. Beer and Peperoni Bread will be served. If you want to bring something to share, go ahead. You can also bring your wife or significant other. So Bill you can bring a grinder!

Army wins, finishes 7-9-2 (.444)

The Red Army waited until the final game of the year to play their best. The Army defeated the Evil Empire, El Roco Buschwackers, 4-2 in a fast paced game. "The speed of the game was incredible, I thought I was going to have to get the AED out for Oly a couple of times," said coach Terry Paukert. The game was tight throughout. The game was tied at 1 after the first and at 2 after the second. The Army scored early in the 3rd to take command of the game. The Army then went into their classic defensive shell and held off a furious rally by El Roco. Shawn McMillan sealed the victory with an empty netter with 16 seconds left in the game. The Army was pleasantly surprised by the play of goalie Josh Gilbertson. Gilbertson had 10 saves in the game, the most he has had all season. "It only took Gilby 18 games to figure out how to save the puck, maybe next year we will have 8 wins if he has a good memory," screamed Steve Palmiscno. "We knew the game was going well for us when Perry Marto scored on a penalty shot. I guess his son Jake, who plays for the Sioux, show him a couple of things," quipped Lance Norman, who turned 44 yesterday. "I don't need any help from Jake, it was pure skill that allowed me to score," snapped Perry Marto. The Army post season award banquet will be soon. More details to come.

Finally the last game of the season

The Red Army will end its 2009-10 run to mediocrity as they face off with El Roco at 7:15 at the Eagles Arena. The Army will hope to get to 2 games below the .500 mark. The biggest worry about tonight is were the post game meal is. Rumor has it that Steve Olson is trying to line up the Golden Corral to cater the event. Media silence about the game was given to all Red Army personal. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. I know it is a weak effort. But it has been a long season.

The eyes sum up the season!

Army Explodes For 6 in the Third!

The Red Army was all but dead after trailing 4-2 going into the third. But a challenge from goaltender Josh Gilbertson fueled the team to an 8-5 win over Gerrell's. "Gilby told us if we score 3 he would shut Gerrell's down. Well, we knew he would never live up to his end, so we scored 6," said Kurt Comeau, who ended the night with 4 goals and 1 assist. "What really helped us was the absences of Perry Marto, Mike Anderson and Lance Norman. We could actually get some rhythm with our lines," said Bill Knipe. "Marto who, McMillan won more faceoffs in the first period than Marto has won all year,' said Steve Palmiscno. Palmiscno continued, "Gilby still sucks, we should play without a goalie!" The season finally will end next week when the Army takes on the El Roco. On a side note Todd Schumacher notched his second goal of the year. "He should have had four last night. He had 3 point blank shots, he is almost as bad as Gilby!" said Steve Olson.

Game tonight at 5:45

The Red Army takes on Gerrell's tonight at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. The game will be televised on FSN with Frank Mazzacco and Doug Woog handling the commentary. Obviously these 2 have nothing else to do after the Gophers got bounced out of the WCHA tourney. The biggest question facing the Army tonight is what to do with Josh Gilbertson. Rumor has it that Gilbertson will be leaving after tonight's game to a goalie concentration camp in Moscow. President Vladimir Putin is not happy with his performance this year and will be training him personally. We are all hoping that Gilby's equipment is bulletproof! A media blackout was announce so no quotes from any of the players, coaches or front office were allowed. The Army is hoping to maybe get 2 more points before the year ends next week, non to soon for this reporter. After a promising first half, the Army has looked like the North Carolina basketball team this year. One can only hope that we can see a better effort next year. In order to get a big crowd into tonight's game. Free beer will be offered to anyone in attendance over the age of 21. Call 1-800-REDARMY for your tickets. There are a lot left!

Sad News to report

Kevin Kyle's mother,Evelyn, has passed away. Please keep Kevin and his family in your prayers.
Funeral is 1:00 on Thursday at University Lutheran.

Priceless

Going to a Red Army game- $1.00 in gas
Losing your lunch watching the old guys play- $2.00 in laundry soap
Watching Mike Anderson try to skate- Priceless

Army Losses in a shoot-out

The Red Army played its best defensive game of the year but still come up short in a shootout 2-1. The Game was tied at one after regulation. The Army appeared to have scored in the second, but the shot by Mike Anderson was review by video and was proven to hit the post. The Army almost accomplished their goal of not allowing any shots. The one shot they gave up did end up in the net. "We couldn't do anything with the shoot-out. We knew that the only way The GFAFB wouldn't score was if they missed the net," said Steve Palmiscno. "I don't know what Coach Paukert was thinking selecting Bill Knipe, Todd Schumacher and Todd Palmiscno to shoot for us. Those guys haven't scored in 2 months," quipped a ticked off Lance Norman. The best thing for the Army that the game will go down officially as a tie, so the 3 game losing streak is over. The Army only has 2 games left for the season. So make plans to get to the next game. Game time next Wednesday is 5:45 at the Gambucci versus Gerrell's.

Can the Army salvage the season?

The Red Army takes on the GFAFB tonight at 7:00 at the Eagles Arena. The Army' play has been abysmal to say the least. Giving up over 20 goals in their last three games. "The only way we will win tonight is not to give up any shots. Gilby can't stop a beach ball," said Perry Marto. "How about score some goals," answered a bewildered Josh Gilbertson. Gilbertson continue, "Most of these guys could throw in in the ocean from a small boat!" Coach Terry Paukert will have to do a little line juggling tonight, as Defensmen Steve Olson will be sitting out after dropping the gloves last week. "We will be ok, our depth at defense is good. I just wished it could have been Palmiscno or Schumacher sitting out." "The worst thing about Oly not playing he will most certainly be the first one at the post game party, there may not be any food left," said a disappointed Bill Knipe. Only 3 weeks left in the season. Don't miss out on some of the cheapest entertainment in town. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets.

Army losses game, Olson wins fight

The Red Army was manhandled by the El Roco last night 7-3. The Army held tough for the first half of the game. With the game tied at 3 midway through the game, goalie Josh Gilbertson went back to the goalie we know and love. Gilbertson actually had 11 saves for the first half of the game and then had 3 the rest of the way. Gilbertson was not help by the defensive pairing of Steve Olson and Chad Swendseid. "The looked like Schumacher and Palmiscno. Two orange pylons would have played better than those two," said coach Terry Paukert. There were two bright spots for the Army. Lance Norman continued his torrid scoring pace with a goal and an assist. "I'm just playing to help the team win," said a humbled Norman. "Hell, all he does is stand in front of the net and picks up my garbage," said a emotional Shawn McMillan. The highlight of the the game for the fans was a mammoth tilt between the two heavyweight on the Ice. The Army's Steve Olson went toe-to-toe with the El Roco Lee Kofstad. Te fight brought the 14 fans to their seats. The other players were glad that it took 3 minutes off the clock so they could rest. Scoring the fight was Angleo Dundee, 114-111 for Olson, The Fight Doctor, Freddy Pachecko, 113-112 for Kofstad, and Eddie Obergon, 114-112 for Olson. Brian Purcell was quoted after the fight, " Olson lucky he didn't have to go against Rochee." The Army the Base next week at 7:00 at the Eagles Arena. Will more fireworks erupt?

Will the Army win again

The Red Army takes on its arch rival,El Roco tonight at 6:00 at the Purpur. (Yes Shawn this is what the schedule says). It is no surprise that the Army needs to tighten up defensively against El Roco. "I guess we will have to improve giving up 15 shots per game. We will have to keep them under 10. We know teams are going to score on us at a 45% clip," said Coach Terry Paukert. Jerry Lundby of the El Roco said, "We know if we get 14 shots tonight we will 6 goals and put it out of reach. The only guy that we have to worry about is Lance Norman. He is the catalyst of the Army. We stop him, we win the game!" Coach Paukert answered back, "If we stop Rochee and Baron we win the game." The Army will have to win its final four games of the year to finish at the .500 mark. Even without the wins the Army has NO chance of moving up into another division. "We stink and we know it. We wouldn't as bad as we are if we goalie get a goalie to stop a puck," said Steve Olson. Very few tickets are available, call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Army gets Hammered

The Army got beat 7-2 in its worst performance of the year against Caufield's. No one from the Army would talk to the media after the game. The Army dominated the shot chart. Out shooting Caufield's 47-11. The Army did have a press statement: "There will be a goalie tryout for the Red Army this Sunday at 1:30 at the REA. Anyone interested in this should call 1-800-REDARMY. Notables that have already signed up are: Mike McKay, Jim Scanlan, Jeff Hegg and Brad Burlog. More on this next week.

Ten Win Season a Possibility???

The Red Army could possibly end the season with 10 wins if they can win their last five games in a row. "We would have to play our best for five weeks in a row. That will be a tough task," said coach Terry Paukert. "They don't have a chance," joked Brian "The Baron" Purcell, "They have to play us twice, so that is two losses!" Even for the Army to finish above the .500 mark they will have to finish the season 4-1. "If we could get any goaltending we would be 12-1 this year," complain Steve Palmiscno. The Army will be without defenseman Todd Palmiscno tonight. Palmiscno has been sent to the Army's AA affiliate Las Vegas for a couple of games to regain his confidence. "Maybe I will finish the game on the plus side this week without him," said a happy Todd Schumacher. Schumacher and Palmiscno have finished a combined -7 over the last two weeks do to Palmiscno's poor play. In a phone conversation with Palmiscno, while he was sitting next to the pool at the Mirage, "I have been playing too much like Tyler Pamliscno and not myself. These couple of games will get me ready for the stretch run!" The game tonight is at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena versus Caufield's. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets.

Norman stays with Army

The Red Army lost twice last night. They were defeated by Kelly's 7-4 and worst of all had to retain the contract of Lance Norman. "We are stuck with Norman for the rest of his 15 year contract, which has 14 years left on it," said a disappointed GM, Kevin Kyle. Owner Darrell Boucher chimed in, "We had our chance to get rid of Norman. We signed him to a big contract a couple of years ago after he had a career year. We made a mistake and now are paying for it. Are only hope is that he gets an injury that will end our misery." As for the game, Kelly's jumped out to a 4-1 lead early in the first period, only to see the Army battle back to 4-4 midway through the second. But then goalie Josh Gilbertson started to play like the Gilby of old and gave up three goals that any 6 year old would have stopped. "We expended so much energy to get back into the game, we needed a save. I created the best I could, a save or two would be nice," said a disgruntled Steve Olson during the team buffet after the game. The Army looks to get on track next week when they face Caufield's.

Late one tonight

The Red Army is in prime time if they were playing on the west coast. Tonight's game against Kelly's starts at 9:00 central time, 7:00 Vancouver time. The game is being held at the EGFBLC. The game was pushed back so that the Millions of fans watching the Olympics, could see this mammoth tilt between 2 heavyweights in the Huff-n-Puff league. The 2 teams have split their season series, so tonight's game is for all the marbles. What is actually comes down to is the loser of tonight's game has to acquire Lance Norman for next year. So don't expect any team to try to throw tonight's game. "It would be great if Norman played on a different team. We might get some consistency on our lines," said Shawn McMillan, who has been stuck with Norman for the last 2 games. Todd Warner of Kelly's said, "Yea, Norman is fun to have around when we are out after the game, but to have him on our team would be like having anyone from the Slovakian woman's team playing for us." So look for each team to maybe put a bounty on the head of Norman tonight. Tonight's game in being broadcast internationally on TSN. There are a few tickets left for tonight's game, call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available.

Sister Kisser for the Army

The Red Army tied the GFAFB last night 4-4 in a lackluster performance. Bill Knipe scored with under 2 minutes left in the game to salvage a tie for the Army. The Base was helped out by the play of Todd Palmiscno. He was their best player with 3 assists. "Too bad he plays for us," said brother and teammate Steve Palmiscno. "We are used to seeing Schumacher play like that but not Todd. He was absolutely dreadful." Todd Palmiscno was quickly to defend himself, " You would think Gilbertson would come up with one of the save on the 3 give-a-ways I had. He doesn't it all the time when Schumacher gives up the puck." Gilbertson commented, "I'm not use to Palmo giving up the puck so much. I watch Schumacher so much, so I'm always ready when turns the puck over." "I thought I had my best game of the year. I had an assist and didn't give the puck to the other team. But I still was on the ice for all 4 goals against," said a stunned Schumacher. Len Boucher highlight reel goal was the only thing the Army could comment about offensively. Boucher use of his feet to kick it up to his stick for a goal was reminiscent of Pele's bicycle kick. "My athletic prowess took over, it was just another day of being me, said a confident Boucher. The tie means that the Army hasn't lost in three weeks. How big will their heads get!

Bundle up for tonight's game

The Red Army takes on The GFAFB in the frigid EGFBLC arena tonight at 7:45. The Army is looking for their first 3 game winning streak in 4 years. But that isn't the biggest concern for the Army. "If all of us show up for the game, we will have to get dressed in shifts," said a disgruntled Steve Olson. Bill Knipe quickly added, "Maybe have the team should dress at home, just like the old days!" GM Kevin Kyle was much more truthful in his observation, "Why don't you guys lose some weight. Look at the two guys complaining, Ole and Bill, step away from the buffet a couple of times a week." The Army will need a good game from their goalie, Josh Gilbertson. In the 2 game winning streak, Gilbertson has had a 78% save percentage, up from his normal 45%. "If we give up less than 12 shots we will win the game. We should only give up 3 and we can score four tonight," said Shawn McMillan. "Gilby still sucks," screamed Steve Palmiscno. "Where were the beef sticks last week Gilby, stop the puck!" Call 1-800-RED-ARMY for tickets for tonight's game.

Two in a row ain't no record

The Red Army has a two game winning streak for the first time in 2010. The Army defeated Gerrell's 6-1. "We went out and dominated the game from the drop of the puck," said Chad Swendseid. Swendseid jump started the Army in the first period with an amazing behind the back pass to Shawn McMillan, who promptly put it were grandma keeps the cookies. "It is no surprise that the two games I've played since coming back from injury, we have won," said a confident McMillan. McMillan has resurrected his career with the play of his new wingers, Mike Anderson and Lance Norman. McMillan continued, "As long as I stay in the middle of the rink, Mike and Lance won't run into me and I won't get hurt." Josh Gilbertson had a solid game for the Army finishing with 3 saves, one in each period. Gilbertson said, "Even if I don't make a save we win 6-4." Steve Palmiscno was quick to add, "He now finally understands how bad he is."

Is Gerrell's the next VICTIM??

Can it be possible for the Red Army to have a 2 game winning streak. The Army has 4 wins on the year, the last was last Wednesday against the Broken Drum. The Army will have to play better tonight against Gerrell's, a team that beat the Army earlier in the year. Game time is 6:00 at the GFBLC arena. "As long as Gilbertson can stop the puck we can win," said Coach Terry Paukert. Paukert continued, "We have all the elements in place to make the stretch run, but Gilby needs to pick it up." "No S*@T," said Steve Palmiscno. Get your tickets at 1-800-REDARMY.

Miracle on Ice 2, Army wins!

To the amazement of the 11,000 fans in attendance of last nights game, the Army defeated the Broken Drum 4-2. When the final buzzer went, the fans sat silently. One fan was quoted, "I'm shocked, I didn't thing the Red Army would ever win again. I just don't know how to react!" "We went out a play old time Army hockey," said Perry Marto. "That may have been my best game in 4 years. I caught 3 passes on my backhand and even pass it to Bill Knipe!" Josh Gilbertson finished with 3 saves on the night for save percentage of 60%. "That is the best percentage I've had the whole year," said Gilbertson. "If I can do that, we might win a couple of more games this year." "You were still terrible," screamed Steve Palmiscno. "All the other goalie in this league are above 90%. Do you realize the other goalie had 47 saves. We have to get 45-55 shots on net to score enough to make up for you!" The Army finally had a full roster. With injuries and sickness the Army hasn't been able to showcase their 3 lines until last night. Shawn McMillan anchored a solid 3 line. "McMillan, Norman and Anderson were the key last night. They were able to work as our checking line and held the Drum's top line off the scoreboard. What a way for McMillan to come back," said GM Kevin Kyle. McMillan was quick to answer, "I took one for the team. No one else wanted to play with those two. Mike just about killed me and Norman didn't know what planet he was on. But it worked. Maybe, I'm the odd man out."

Will the Army ever win again??

The Red Army is trying to figure out what is going wrong. Questions abound as the stretch run for the league title approaches. "I may have to shake the up the lines tonight," said coach Terry Paukert. "With the size of the team, I may have to use a crane to pick up and shake a few of them." The Army takes on the Broken Drum tonight at 8:15 in the Gambucci Arena. This is a team that the Army handled easily earlier this year. "We can't take anything for granted. The last time we played them I was on the injured reserve. I'm usually good for 3 goals for the other team." said a complacent Shawn McMillan. Steve Palmiscno was quick to say, "Who cares about McMillan, he is a cake eater, Gilbertson needs to step it up. And Paukert, when are you going to split up the dog and pony show of Schumacher and Palmiscno. Those two along with Gilbertson are the reason we have lost our last 2 games!" By the looks of early ticket sales, there are plenty left for tonight's tilt. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. Remember to bring an ID, as they will be checked at the door for anyone wanting in the arena!!!!!!!

Will the Army ever win again??

Another Wednesday, Another Loss

The Red Army may have hit rock bottom last night in their 7-4 loss to the El Roco. "Only a couple of people hit the bottom last night," scolded coach Terry Paukert. "The two Todd's (Palmiscno and Schumacher) were awful. They need to pick it up about 4 notches to play in this league." The defensemen pair was a -4 for the night. The worst goal of the night was the first given up by the Army. As the El Roco attempted to center the puck, it deflected off on Schumacher's stomach and into the net. "I'm sorry that I have been doing the 20 minute ab workout the past month. When the puck hit my stomach, the action/reaction of Newton's 3rd law was to great and I couldn't react to the deflection. A month ago the puck would have been absorb into me," said a disappointed Schumacher. "He is full of crap," screamed goalie Josh Gilbertson. "He was the El Roco's best player tonight." "You weren't much better," shouted Steve Palmiscno toward Gilbertson. Obviously, the Army needs to get their chemistry back from what they had at the beginning of the year. It all started when Shawn McMillan couldn't play. "And he was to bring beer," yelled Bill Knipe. Knipe continued, "I don't care if he doesn't play, but don't forget the beer!"

No holds bar tonight

The Red Army and the El Roco renew the best rivalry in sports tonight at 7:45 at the EGFBLC Arena. The Red Army needs a win after dropping its first two games of the new year. "If we get Gilbertson to stop one shot, we will win the game," said Steve Palmiscno. "I wish we could just outscore a team. I don't think there has ever been a goalie that needed to make 6 save before a rebound is cleared," said a befuddled Gilbertson. GM Kevin Kyle said, "Gilbertson knew what he was in for when he was signed to his 15 year contract. We are an offensive juggernaut, we just don't have time to play defense!" Call 1-800-REDARY for tickets.

Norman afraid to play, Army looses

Due to a bounty set on Lance Norman by the Kelly's hockey team, Norman decided to skip the game. "We lost a lot of spunk not having Norman in the lineup," said Perry Marto. The Army just couldn't find the offensive punch they needed in a 4-3 loss to Kelly's. "Without Norman, we just didn't have any consistency on offense," said a befuddled Steve Knipe. The Army looked to be headed for a tie, but a late "WEAK" goal by Kelly's Mike Arel with under 3 minutes to play derailed the Army. "I just threw it at the net. I don't think it would have broken a pane of glass. I think every other goalie in the league would have made the stop," said a stunned, but elated Arel. "You work that hard to get back into the game. (The Army was down 3-2 going into the 3rd) Then you have a guy take a play off, make a save," screamed Steve Palmiscno. When asked about the bounty on Norman, Todd Warner said, "All it took to get Norman not to play was to banned him from Kelly's bar and sitting next to Gilby and Me. It was a no brainer for him."

Army vs Kelly's Round 2

The Army is looking to build off their first ever victory against Kelly's tonight and make it 2 in a row. "We will have to play disciplined hockey to beat them tonight," said coach Terry Paukert. "Bull!" quipped Steve Palmiscno. "We have to outscore them and Gilbertson need to make 6 saves!" Kelly's is rumored to be practicing the trap for tonight's game. Todd Warner was overheard in a conversation with Jade Gilbertson, Warner said, "We have to trap them. We can't let Lance Norman skate circles around us like last game." Gilbertson was quick to say, "Let's just get lance tuned up and we will win the game easily." Another rumor flying around is that Shawn McMillan may finally becoming off the injured reserved list and play tonight. McMillan shoulder surgery after wrestling with Dan Rux on who was suppose to paint the Riverside Pool. As usual McMillan was defeated. Game time is 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. A limited number of SRO tickets are available. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Lackluster performance derails Army

The Red Army was defeated by Acme last night 4-2. The Army took 2 periods to shake of the rust from not playing for 2 weeks. Acme scored four times in the second period to take command of the game. "We just couldn't generate any offense the first 2 periods," said Coach Terry Paukert. "I tried short shifting Todd Palmiscno and Todd Schumacher, so that Ole and Swenny could create offense, but it didn't work." The Army was without their goaltender, Josh Gilbertson. Gilbertson's plane from Minsk had been delayed due to the weather. The Army had to call up Jake Gust from St. Petersberg to fill in. Gust finished with 44 saves in his Army debut. "If Gilby was in the net we would have gotten beat 8-2," said a returning Steve Palmiscno. Palmisnco saw his first action after wrist surgery. His return to action netted him one goal. Perry Marto scored the other on a tic-tac-toe passing play from Bill Knipe and Todd Schumacher. The Army was hampered by the play or lack there of from Lance Norman. The 2 week layoff seemed to hurt Norman the worst. GM Kevin Kyle said, "Lance is going to go on a rehab assingment. He will have to play a game with the EGF Mighty Mites on Saturday morning. He needs to regain his scoring confidence. Maybe trying to dominate 5 and 6 year old's will help his mind set."

Let the 2nd half begin

The Red Army takes its 3-4 record into the second half of the season. Game time is at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. The Army doesn't know who they play because Perry Marto didn't ask. There are a few questions that need to be answered to see if the Army can get back to prominence.

1. Will Shawn McMillan show up and play?
2. Will Lance Norman Keep up his torrid scoring pace?
3. Will Perry Marto score more than his son Jake?
4. Will Steve Olson ever see his feet again?
5. Will Steve Knipe stay in position during his shift?
6. Will Bill Knipe back check?
7. Will Chad Swendseid become and all star at his age?
8. Will Mike Anderson tazer Kurt?
9. Will Kurt Comeau pass the puck without someone yelling for it?
10. Will Steve Palmiscno suck it up and play hurt?
11. Will Len Boucher wash his stuff?
12. Will Todd Palmiscno and Tood Schumacher actually learn how to play defense?
13. Will Josh Gilbertson learn to make the first 5 saves before the rebound is cleared

Call 1-800-REDARMY to see if these questions can be answered!

Game January 6

Game time is 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. Victim yet to be determined.