Army sqeaks out victory

The Red Army defeated Caufield's 1-0 last night in Huff-n-Puff action to raise their record to 2-4. The Army scored late in the 3rd on a tic-tac-toe passing play. Lenny Boucher was the recipient of the play and buried the puck past a sprawling goalie. Setting up the play were Todd Schumacher and Perry Marto. Marto actually caught the puck on the backhand and made a backhand pass to Boucher standing all alone in front of the net. "It was an unbelievable pass from Marto, he must have had a little magic in his stick playing at the Ralph," said Boucher. Bill Knipe quipped, "I think he was trying to show off to his son Jake (who was in the stands)." The Army will be taking the next 2 weeks off for the holiday season. Though the front office will be sent to Siberia to see if they can find any one that could help out the Army. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich was seen in a rink in Novokuznetsk, Siberia. He was heard saying, "Only the Siberian women would be big enough to play for the Army, none of the men have what it takes."

Army Takes "A" Game To The Ralph

The Red Army takes on Caufield's tonight at 6:15 at The Ralph. This is the last time to see the Army in 2008, as the Huff-n-Puff League will be taking the next two weeks off for the holiday. The Army also needs the time to take off any weight it gains during the holiday season. With the game being moved to the 11,000 seat Ralph Englestad Arena, amazingly their are tickets still available, around 10,986. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours. The Army is in the midst of a four game losing streak. At 1-4 the Army is looking for any positives going into the break. Owner, Darrell Boucher, has closed all practices and put a gag order on all players and coaches for tonight's game. Boucher said, "I'm sick off our players giving the other team bulletin board material. Just shut up and play. We don't need to be like T.O. or Stephon Marbury. I pay my guys to play!" GM Kevin Kyle added, "If Lance Norman doesn't start producing, he will be paid to stay away. All other will be just asked to stay away." Needless to say, the Army is in disarray. Right now the players wished they were in Dallas.

Army loses 8-5

The Red Army gave one away last night, 8-5 to Kelly's. Kelly's jumped out to a 5-0 lead after one period and a 7-1 lead after 2, before the Army woke up and dominated the third. Goaltending was the key to the game. Kelly's goalie, Pat Arneson, ended the game with 47 saves compared to Army goalie, Josh Gilbertson's 14. "Gilbertson needs to get mentally ready for the game. He put us into a hole we just couldn't climb out of," said Bill Knipe. Kelly's started quick, scoring on their first 3 shifts of the game. Kelly's center Todd Warner, "I was so easy to score. We knew that the Army defense was a little suspect, but didn't know it was that porous." Todd Palmiscno of the Army answered, "He is right. We have Oly their to create and the others, including me, just have to keep the puck away from the net." The only bright spot for the Army was that Todd Schumacher scored. The goal has given Schumacher at least one goal a year while playing in the Huff and Puff League. Steve Palmiscno said, "I would have never passed it to Schumacher if I knew he would catch the pass and score. We will never hear the end of this!"

Army at it Again

The Red Army takes on Kelly's in a match-up of 2 bitter division rivals. Game time is 8:15 at the Gambucci Arena. These teams don't like each other after Kelly's has repeatedly tried to lure Army winger Lance Norman over to their team. The instigators have been Todd Warner and Jade Gilbertson. They figure a couple of beers and they would have him. Warner was overheard during a taped phone conversation to Norman, " Come on Normy, playing for us would be the bomb. We serve good beer at Kelly's, and you can sit next to Gilby." But rumor has it that the Army would give Norman to Kelly's but they can't secure the used puck bag they want for him. In another developing story, Mike Anderson was actually seen getting our of his police car this morning during a minor fender bender in East Grand Forks. He didn't have the taser out, as Kurt Comeau wasn't one to the people in the crash. We are not sure if Mike will be able to play, as it takes a lot of energy to peel your self off the seat of a Crown Vic. So we will have to wait and see. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets for tonight's game. There are plenty left as the Army fan base is dwindling.

Army Edged 1-0

In a battle of goaltending the Red Army was shutout by the El Roco Buschwackers 1-0. The goal came midway through the 3rd period on a one timer from the high slot. The puck slide past a surprised Josh Gilbertson. "Gilbertson played well for most of the game except on the goal. He reminded us a lot of Toby Palmiscno," said a disgruntled Steve Olson. "He played like crap," said Steve Palmiscno, "We still lost. Any time yo lose the goalie stinks." The lost dropped the Army to 1-2 on the year. The Army takes on Rumors on Wednesday at 7:00pm at the Eagles Arena. The Army will be without Todd Schumacher, he has been shipped to Siberia for extra training.