Miracle on Ice 2, Army wins!

To the amazement of the 11,000 fans in attendance of last nights game, the Army defeated the Broken Drum 4-2. When the final buzzer went, the fans sat silently. One fan was quoted, "I'm shocked, I didn't thing the Red Army would ever win again. I just don't know how to react!" "We went out a play old time Army hockey," said Perry Marto. "That may have been my best game in 4 years. I caught 3 passes on my backhand and even pass it to Bill Knipe!" Josh Gilbertson finished with 3 saves on the night for save percentage of 60%. "That is the best percentage I've had the whole year," said Gilbertson. "If I can do that, we might win a couple of more games this year." "You were still terrible," screamed Steve Palmiscno. "All the other goalie in this league are above 90%. Do you realize the other goalie had 47 saves. We have to get 45-55 shots on net to score enough to make up for you!" The Army finally had a full roster. With injuries and sickness the Army hasn't been able to showcase their 3 lines until last night. Shawn McMillan anchored a solid 3 line. "McMillan, Norman and Anderson were the key last night. They were able to work as our checking line and held the Drum's top line off the scoreboard. What a way for McMillan to come back," said GM Kevin Kyle. McMillan was quick to answer, "I took one for the team. No one else wanted to play with those two. Mike just about killed me and Norman didn't know what planet he was on. But it worked. Maybe, I'm the odd man out."

Will the Army ever win again??

The Red Army is trying to figure out what is going wrong. Questions abound as the stretch run for the league title approaches. "I may have to shake the up the lines tonight," said coach Terry Paukert. "With the size of the team, I may have to use a crane to pick up and shake a few of them." The Army takes on the Broken Drum tonight at 8:15 in the Gambucci Arena. This is a team that the Army handled easily earlier this year. "We can't take anything for granted. The last time we played them I was on the injured reserve. I'm usually good for 3 goals for the other team." said a complacent Shawn McMillan. Steve Palmiscno was quick to say, "Who cares about McMillan, he is a cake eater, Gilbertson needs to step it up. And Paukert, when are you going to split up the dog and pony show of Schumacher and Palmiscno. Those two along with Gilbertson are the reason we have lost our last 2 games!" By the looks of early ticket sales, there are plenty left for tonight's tilt. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. Remember to bring an ID, as they will be checked at the door for anyone wanting in the arena!!!!!!!

Will the Army ever win again??

Another Wednesday, Another Loss

The Red Army may have hit rock bottom last night in their 7-4 loss to the El Roco. "Only a couple of people hit the bottom last night," scolded coach Terry Paukert. "The two Todd's (Palmiscno and Schumacher) were awful. They need to pick it up about 4 notches to play in this league." The defensemen pair was a -4 for the night. The worst goal of the night was the first given up by the Army. As the El Roco attempted to center the puck, it deflected off on Schumacher's stomach and into the net. "I'm sorry that I have been doing the 20 minute ab workout the past month. When the puck hit my stomach, the action/reaction of Newton's 3rd law was to great and I couldn't react to the deflection. A month ago the puck would have been absorb into me," said a disappointed Schumacher. "He is full of crap," screamed goalie Josh Gilbertson. "He was the El Roco's best player tonight." "You weren't much better," shouted Steve Palmiscno toward Gilbertson. Obviously, the Army needs to get their chemistry back from what they had at the beginning of the year. It all started when Shawn McMillan couldn't play. "And he was to bring beer," yelled Bill Knipe. Knipe continued, "I don't care if he doesn't play, but don't forget the beer!"

No holds bar tonight

The Red Army and the El Roco renew the best rivalry in sports tonight at 7:45 at the EGFBLC Arena. The Red Army needs a win after dropping its first two games of the new year. "If we get Gilbertson to stop one shot, we will win the game," said Steve Palmiscno. "I wish we could just outscore a team. I don't think there has ever been a goalie that needed to make 6 save before a rebound is cleared," said a befuddled Gilbertson. GM Kevin Kyle said, "Gilbertson knew what he was in for when he was signed to his 15 year contract. We are an offensive juggernaut, we just don't have time to play defense!" Call 1-800-REDARY for tickets.

Norman afraid to play, Army looses

Due to a bounty set on Lance Norman by the Kelly's hockey team, Norman decided to skip the game. "We lost a lot of spunk not having Norman in the lineup," said Perry Marto. The Army just couldn't find the offensive punch they needed in a 4-3 loss to Kelly's. "Without Norman, we just didn't have any consistency on offense," said a befuddled Steve Knipe. The Army looked to be headed for a tie, but a late "WEAK" goal by Kelly's Mike Arel with under 3 minutes to play derailed the Army. "I just threw it at the net. I don't think it would have broken a pane of glass. I think every other goalie in the league would have made the stop," said a stunned, but elated Arel. "You work that hard to get back into the game. (The Army was down 3-2 going into the 3rd) Then you have a guy take a play off, make a save," screamed Steve Palmiscno. When asked about the bounty on Norman, Todd Warner said, "All it took to get Norman not to play was to banned him from Kelly's bar and sitting next to Gilby and Me. It was a no brainer for him."

Army vs Kelly's Round 2

The Army is looking to build off their first ever victory against Kelly's tonight and make it 2 in a row. "We will have to play disciplined hockey to beat them tonight," said coach Terry Paukert. "Bull!" quipped Steve Palmiscno. "We have to outscore them and Gilbertson need to make 6 saves!" Kelly's is rumored to be practicing the trap for tonight's game. Todd Warner was overheard in a conversation with Jade Gilbertson, Warner said, "We have to trap them. We can't let Lance Norman skate circles around us like last game." Gilbertson was quick to say, "Let's just get lance tuned up and we will win the game easily." Another rumor flying around is that Shawn McMillan may finally becoming off the injured reserved list and play tonight. McMillan shoulder surgery after wrestling with Dan Rux on who was suppose to paint the Riverside Pool. As usual McMillan was defeated. Game time is 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. A limited number of SRO tickets are available. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Lackluster performance derails Army

The Red Army was defeated by Acme last night 4-2. The Army took 2 periods to shake of the rust from not playing for 2 weeks. Acme scored four times in the second period to take command of the game. "We just couldn't generate any offense the first 2 periods," said Coach Terry Paukert. "I tried short shifting Todd Palmiscno and Todd Schumacher, so that Ole and Swenny could create offense, but it didn't work." The Army was without their goaltender, Josh Gilbertson. Gilbertson's plane from Minsk had been delayed due to the weather. The Army had to call up Jake Gust from St. Petersberg to fill in. Gust finished with 44 saves in his Army debut. "If Gilby was in the net we would have gotten beat 8-2," said a returning Steve Palmiscno. Palmisnco saw his first action after wrist surgery. His return to action netted him one goal. Perry Marto scored the other on a tic-tac-toe passing play from Bill Knipe and Todd Schumacher. The Army was hampered by the play or lack there of from Lance Norman. The 2 week layoff seemed to hurt Norman the worst. GM Kevin Kyle said, "Lance is going to go on a rehab assingment. He will have to play a game with the EGF Mighty Mites on Saturday morning. He needs to regain his scoring confidence. Maybe trying to dominate 5 and 6 year old's will help his mind set."

Let the 2nd half begin

The Red Army takes its 3-4 record into the second half of the season. Game time is at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. The Army doesn't know who they play because Perry Marto didn't ask. There are a few questions that need to be answered to see if the Army can get back to prominence.

1. Will Shawn McMillan show up and play?
2. Will Lance Norman Keep up his torrid scoring pace?
3. Will Perry Marto score more than his son Jake?
4. Will Steve Olson ever see his feet again?
5. Will Steve Knipe stay in position during his shift?
6. Will Bill Knipe back check?
7. Will Chad Swendseid become and all star at his age?
8. Will Mike Anderson tazer Kurt?
9. Will Kurt Comeau pass the puck without someone yelling for it?
10. Will Steve Palmiscno suck it up and play hurt?
11. Will Len Boucher wash his stuff?
12. Will Todd Palmiscno and Tood Schumacher actually learn how to play defense?
13. Will Josh Gilbertson learn to make the first 5 saves before the rebound is cleared

Call 1-800-REDARMY to see if these questions can be answered!

Game January 6

Game time is 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. Victim yet to be determined.