Army gets a tie, its a miracle

Sometimes the best team doesn't win. No, I'm not talking about The Red Army. Acme absolutely dominated The Army last night but could only render a tie. Emergency call-up goaltender from the Pisek junior league, Eric Melland, was outstanding while recording at least 40 saves. The kid was so good he actually made 3 saves on a 3 on 0 before an Army player came to help. He even made a point blank save on Steve Olson. Ole plays for The Army! Said Lance Norman, "He could even break the puck out without turning it over. I didn't even have to skate back into our own zone. I wish our so called veteran goalie could do that." Acme staked a 3-0 lead half way through the second period when The Army decided to turn it up. Kurt Comeau got it started. "Just another day at the office" he said. McMillan got the next two to tie things up at three, one of which Bobby Orr would have been proud of. "I just pick my spots because going end to end at my age isn't easy." said McMillan. " The second goal I give all the credit to Lenny. He bravely stood in front and screened the goalie." Lenny chimed in, "I would never stand in front if someone like Schumacher was shooting. He can't hit the end of the rink standing inside the blueline." Acme made it 4-3 midway through the third but the Army responded quickly on which could be the play of year by Steve Palmo. Steve described the play as, "I knew there was only one way McMillan could get me that pass, and that was waist high through 2 defencemen. I knocked it out of the air and into the top corner of the net. Routine." The score remaind 4-4 until the final buzzer with the Acme players looks of disbelief on their faces. The Army looks at the tie as a moral victory as their record now sits at 0-3-1. Sometimes a blind squirrel can even find a nut. In this case the nut was already cracked.

Nov. 28 game

Game time is 8:15 at the Gambucci vs. Acme

Army falls apart

Another loss for The Army. The Army jumped out to a 2-0 lead on goals from Shawn McMillan and newcomer Wade Anderson but could not hang on for the 5-2 drubbing. Recent call up from The Army's farm system Wade Anderson made an immediate contribution scoring The Army's 1st goal but slowly faded from there and was consequently sent back down. Todd Schumacher quoted, "He was horseshit when I coached him and he's even worse now." Wade Anderson quickly added, "I did everything he taught me. You can figure it out from there." When told he was being sent down, Wade added, "Thank you." Coach Paukert commented, "Obviously our summer conditioning program is not working. We will be spending some time at the park. We can hit the buffet afterwards. " No Marto, Knipe brothers or Mike Anderson gave the team and its fans some hope of winning but it really doesn't matter who plays, this team is just aweful. Stay tuned for next weeks game time.

Early Update To Get Everyone Fired Up

The Thanksgiving Eve clash of the titans will once again take place tomorrow night. The Red Army and the Buschwackers will renew there heated rivalry. The game is at 7:00 pm at the Gambucci Arena. "This one is for all the marbles," said Wacker Darrin Vatnsdal. "We want the booth at the Roc and the trophy." Bill Knipe shot back, "The booth is ours. We need it because of the sure size of our team. Roche and Baron can sit in the parking lot!" A capacity crowd is expected for the game. The GF parks dept. has brought in 500 extra seats for the game. Ticket sales have reach an all time pregame high of 18. Commissioner Baron said, "We might make money on this game. If we do, Rochee and I can go to Mexico for 2 weeks." The biggest mystery for the Army is who will be in net. Not even the players know that yet. After last weeks goalie no show, Coach Paukert has been looking all over Siberia for someone to tend the pipes. "It has been a long and exhausting week to find a goalie, All I know is the guy I have chosen is much better than last years guy!" The Army will be without veteran Perry Marto. Steve Olson stated, "We actually now have a chance to win the game without Marto." Even Wacker forward, Jerry Lundby agreed, "With Marto out of the lineup, the Army will actually have someone at center that knows what they are doing. We have to back and redraw a game plan." Again tickets are going fast, call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Can the Army bounce back??

The Red Army takes on Kelly's tonight at 6:45. Tonight's game is the marquee game in the Huff-n-Puff league. For this reason the game is being played at the Eagles Arena. The Eagles has the best sight lines for TV. The game will be broadcast on the FSSN, with Pat Sweeney and Jim Scanlan handling the play-by-play. The Army is hoping to improve on their dismal performance from last week 6-1 loss. "We need to play at a higher tempo," said Coach Terry Paukert. Paukert continued, "I don't think we can get any slower. Last weeks game set hockey back 40 years." Shawn McMillan added, "We suck, plain and simple." Perry Marto had a different take, "I don't suck, Shawn must have been talking about the rest of the team. He must have forgotten that my son Jake played for UND." Tickets are going fast. To get yours call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Army opens with loss, no one surprised

The Red Army dropped the season opener to the Broken Drum, 6-1. The Army just couldn't find their scoring touch. The Army peppered Mike Quick, yes that Mike Quick, with 54 shots. The Drum was able to pickup Quick due to the NHL lockout. Broken Drum owner Jay Spicer said, "We were able to get him for 3 cases of Kokonee. Quite a bargain." The Army was almost aghast when Todd Schumacher walked in all alone in the 3rd period. Yet Schumacher snapped one just wide. "If Schumacher would have scored in the first game of the year, he would have been just awful the rest of the year," quipped Kurt Comeau. The game was delayed for about 20 minutes for ice repair. "I was just going from forward to backward and I caught and edge and went down. The ice took a lot of force and the arena staff did a great job in getting the ice ready again," said Steve Olson. Speaking of Olson, he ripped on off the post in the 3rd that was heard in Fargo. Oh, by the way, Comeau scored!

The Season Begins Tonight

The Red Army opens the season tonight at 7:15 with the game at the Purpur Arena. As is customary for the first game, Baron hasn't let anyone know who they are playing. Baron said, "I don't even know who the Buschwackers are playing and I made the schedule." Lots of questions surround the Army this year. The biggest question is if all the players made the mandatory 215 pound weight limit. Remember that means the player has to weigh more than 215 pounds. Rumor has it that Bill Knipe was at 213 and was seen at the Northside Cafe this morning. Knipe Stated," I have a busier day than the presidential candidates. I'm at the Northside now. At 9:00 I have to be at Denny's, at 11:00 the Red Pepper, and at 3:00 Speedway. My weigh in should be just fine!" Call for tickets at 1-800-REDARMY.