Army Spanked 8-2

The Red Army is off to a dismal start this year. With the 8-2 loss last night by Kelly's the Army drops to 0-3 on the year. The Army has scored 6 goals (2 per game) while allowing 21 (7 per game). "We won't win a lot of games if we keep this pace up," said a disappointed Mike Anderson. "We have to bury our chances," said Lenny Boucher (who finally scored on the year). "I should have had four." The Army was without 4 players last night. Steve and Matt Palmiscno were at an Italian cooking class learning how to make Pesto. Lance Norman was absent for the 3rd straight game. "Where the hell is Norman," was chanted numerous time throughout the arena. Not even coach Terry Paukert had an answer for Norman's absence. "The guy is just a no-show. He doesn't call or check in. His fines are starting to pile up. If he isn't here next week, no one else will have to buy beer for the rest of the season. Norman will have it all," said a disgruntled Paukert. The other notable absence was Perry Marto. Marto is on a scouting mission to Europe. He is heavily recruiting in Switzerland and the Czech Republic for anyone stupid enough to play for the Army. Marto will be back in a couple of weeks and we will be able to see if his mission was successful. Next week may be the only chance for the Army to win. They take on the hated Buschwackers at 6:45 at the Eagles Arena. This may be the only team slower and older than the Army. The reporter thinks it is a tie. An anonymous league source was quoted "Both of these teams suck and need to find a different league to play in. The Dubai hockey league is looking for a couple of teams!" More next week!