Army wins last game!

In front of a sold out Gambucci Arena of 52 people the Red Army Franchise defeated the Buschwackers 4-1 to close out a glorious career of really bad hockey. The Army got goal from Lance Norman, Chad Swendseid, Mike Anderson and Steve Knipe. So the trivia answer is Steve Knipe. He scored the last goal for the Army. The Army had a full 3 lines. Terry Paukert, Perry Marto and Chad Hanson all suited up. Chad came from the Fargo area to play for the first time in 20-some years. STARS OF THE GAME: 5th Star- Mike Mckay- Never played a game for the Army, but sent a 30-pack of Busch Light for the Army's game. Good old Central Redskin that always wanted to play a game for the Army. 4th Star- The Pauk- The 60-something guy can still do it. He had the toe drag going hard. 3rd Star- Chad Hanson- Had to borrow equipment to play. Thought of only playing a few shifts but never skipped a shift. And only fell 4 or 5 times! 2nd Star- Kurt Comeau- If you were in the locker room you know why! 1st Star- The BOUCHER FAMILY- The Army is so glad that all you you were there. It was a very special night. We all miss Len. The Army hopes that night helped in healing. Lenny was one of a kind and was the RED ARMY. Thanks for being there!

Last Game tonight!

The biggest game of the Red Army franchise begins at 7:00. Tonight's victim is the Buschwacker. The game is being played at the SOLD OUT Gambucci Arena. Standing room only seats will be on sale 1 hour before the game. Perry Marto, injured most of the year with a hangnail is expected to play tonight. Coach Terry Paukert will be in the lineup playing along side his old partner Todd Schumahcer. Paukert said, "How the hell did I draw the small straw. I quit so I didn't have to play with Schumacher." Sam Schumacher, son of Todd agreed. "My Dad sucks, I'm better than him." The biggest returner is Chad "Pucks-n-Sticks" Hanson. "I just hope I finish 2 shifts without hurting my self," said a reluctant Hanson. What other surprises will you see tonight. Many other former players and coaches are to be at tonight's game. The promotion tonight is if Matt "cupcake" Palmiscno scores, every fan will get a dozen cupcakes as they leave. GM Kevin Kyle said about tonight's game, "When did the army decide to fold. I have 6 new players ready to come in next year." There are still locker room passes available. Please bring your own barf bag! Much more tomorrow!

Big Game

For immediate media release. The Red Army game on Wednesday vs the Buschwackers will be televised on ESPN 14. The game is at the Gambucci Arena at 7:00. Call you local cable and satellite provider to find out what channel it is on. Tickets for this mammoth tilt are going fast. Less than 100 remain. Call 1-800-REDARMY for best available. Special locker room tickets are available to visit with the team after the game. Just make sure you don't eat. Because when these guys take of their shirts, you will throw up!

Army gets doubled up

The Red Army couldn't come away with a victory last night against Caulfield's 6-3. "It was a tough game to play in as Baron didn't have an official scheduled for the game," said Lance Norman (who actually showed up for the first time since January). Coach Terry Paukert said, "According to league bylaws, when an official isn't scheduled, the league president has to provide a 30-pack of Busch light to both teams!" The highlight of the night was, Cupcake Matt Palmiscno scored. Notching his first goal in 6 weeks. Also staying hot is Todd Schumacher. Schumacher scored for the second straight week. Schumacher said, "I'm just felling it right now. I think this hot streak will help me get a job in the announcing booth next to Scott Koberinski!" The Army takes on the Buschwackers night Wednesday at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. The Army invites all former players and the throngs of fans to come out a watch the Army in their swan song. There will be beverages!

Another late game tonight

The late night games continue again tonight. The Army has to play at 8:30 against Caulfield's at the Judd Arena. The Army has played past 8:00 the last month. "Paukert can barely stay awake during our games. He use to be 10:00 Puak, but as he has aged, he is 9:00 Pauk," said Perry Marto. The Pauk answered. "I think Baron is trying to wear us out before our finally next week when we play the Buschwackers?" With 2 games left in the Army career, we invite any former players to come and play. Our game next week will be a 7:00 most likely at the Gambucci Arena. Even if you don't want to play, come and have a beverage and BS with the current players.

SCHUMACHER scores in 6-3 loss!

The Red Army couldn't battle their way out of an early 3-1 hole after one period. Falling to Acme 6-3. The Army had it to 5-3 after 2. Todd Schumacher, yes Todd Schumacher, scored to make it 5-3 late in the second. It was Schumacher's first goal in two years. "I put it where mama keeps the cookies, the top shelf. Finally Steve Palmiscno put a pass on my stick," said Schumacher. Palmiscno added, "I have feed him like a baby for more than a year. it took about 100 passes for him to hit one solid. He does have a better shooting percentage than both Marto and Norman." The Army has 2 games left in their storied career. "If Schumacher hadn't scored this year, we would have made him play another," said Mike Anderson. Last game is March 18. Game time is most likely at 7:00. Not sure of the arena yet. Remember if you have played or coached for the Army please stop by and throw the pads on!

3 to go

Huge game tonight when the Red Army takes on Acme at 8:15 at the GFBLC. The Army is finding a home at this place. Going 1-1 in the last 2 games there. With 3 weeks left in the season (and career) can the Army pick up one more win. "I think we have a good chance tonight," said coach Terry Paukert. "We bench cupcake Matt Palmiscno. We sent him on a bus with a bunch of high school students to toughen him up." Steve Palmiscno chimed in, "I would think a couple of freshman girls will beat the pulp out of him!" Bill Knipe has said that the appetizer have already been order for after the game. "That is a true MVP," said Kurt Comeau!

Yes we lost, but the beer was still cold!

The Army winning streak is over. The Army was drubbed 10-6 by BBI. The Army got down 4-0 early in the second and fought back to 4-2 after 2. Then the real Army showed. Within a 6 minutes span, the Army was down 10-2. 4 goals in the last 3 minutes for the Army was as close as they could get. "We had a good second period and got the game close," said coach Terry Paukert. Paukert continued, "We are not good!" The only bright spot for the Army was the play of Bill Knipe. Knipe scored his first 2 goals of the season. The second one almost made SC top ten. "That was the old Bill, he dominated in the 3rd," said a proud brother Steve. Only 3 weeks remain for this storied franchise. The Red Army is calling out to all former players to come and Play on March 18. Please let myself or Todd Palmiscno know. Tim Lykken, Mark Lykken, Chad Hanson, Landis Stoltman, Please forward to any other former Army players!

4 weeks to go

Game time is still 8:15 at the GF Blue Line Club Arena against BBI. The Army is on a roll. With an actual win and a fake win. "To be on a winning streak this late in the season is awesome," said injured cupcake Perry Marto. " I can't believe that Marto is putting these wins in his record. He hasn't contributed at all this year. Norman has been a better teammate this year," said Shawn McMillan. The Army has 4 weeks to go in their glorious career. So get your tickets early. Call 1-800-REDARMY for a four game pack. One lucky fan will win an all access pass to the Army locker room. Of course it is after the game, so don't eat before you go in!

Bad scheduling = win!

A scheduling snafu by Baron gave the Red Army its second win of the season. Baron changed the schedule and failed to let the Army know 48 hours before the game. According to league rules the Army wins and gets to record the stats. So the Army won 7-0. Steve Knipe was player of the game with 1 goal and 3 assist. Chad Swendseid had 2 goals and 2 assist. Bill Knipe, Kurt Comeau, Steve Palmiscno and Matt "Don Ho" Palmiscno all chipped in with a goal apiece. Unfortunately Todd Schumacher couldn't break his no-goal streak of almost two years in this forfeit win. "What can I say, Schumacher isn't that good," said Coach Terry Paukert. Bill Knipe was named second star of the game with his ability to order appetizers without his glasses on.

How the Army won

The streak is over. After 11 months of losing the Red Army finally won a game, 4-3 over Caulfield's. "I think we found a goalie that understands us and how we play. He finally made the first for save before we clear the puck," said Steve Palmiscno. Goaltender Talon Egeland did what he was coached to do. "I have been working with him for the last 3 weeks. I have brought him to every buffet to get his mind ready," said Steve Olson. "If Perry Marto and Matt Palmiscno are dressed tonight, we don't win," said Coach Terry Paukert. Paukert continued, "Those two may be the biggest cupcakes in the league. I'm not sure if they will get back into the lineup."

The Streak is over

d Army wins 4-3. First time since last March 5. Kurt Comeau with 2 goals. Shawn McMillan and Steve Knipe with the other. Big assists from Todd Palmiscno and Todd Schumacher. More to come in the morning addition. Biggest Reason for win, NO PERRY MARTO!

8:15 game this week!

The Red Army takes on Caulfields Wednesday night at 8:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The win-less Army is looking for their first victory in 11 months. With the late start this week, it doesn't look good. The Red Army was once a storied franchise in the Huff-n-Puff League. But age and a few pounds have caught up to them. Coach Terry Paukert said, "I retired at the right time, I got out when I was still in my prime. These jokers should have retired before me!" All Bill Knipe could say is, "He is probably right and where are we going after the game?" Lance Norman stated, "I haven't reached my prime. I need at least 10 more years." Shawn McMillan was going to say something, but puked after Norman's comment. Plenty of tickets remain for this mammoth tilt. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours. Every seat is still available.

5-1 loss

The Red Army struggled again last night in a 5-1 loss to Kelly's. The only bright spot was goaltender Talon Egeland. He made numerous big save to keep the game close through 2 periods. The other bright spot is that Todd Palmiscno and Todd Schumacher were not on the ice for any goals against. "This is our shut-down pair," said coach Terry Paukert. "Those two are still 2 of the toughest guys in the league." The biggest thing this pair did was control high flying Kelly's forward Erik Knutson. Knutson said, "those two were all over me. I couldn't get my speed game going. I did get a couple heavy shots, but their goalie was good." Oh by the way Wade Anderson scored for the Army.

Yeah, we got a lot of losses

The win-less Red Army faces off against Kelly's tonight at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. The Army had a shot at getting its first win last week against BBI. The Army was up 2-0 before falling 5-3. Coach Paukert said, "We just couldn't shut them down late in the game. We really missed Schumacher. He is OUR shut down defenseman!" Bill Kinpe quipped, "The only thing Schumacher could shut down is a buffet!" Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Can the Army pull out a victory

The Red Army takes on BBI tonight at 7:15 at the Judd Arena in the ICON hockey building. This reporter thinks that the Army has about as much chance of winning that the temperature today will get to 75. "We are old, slow, and OLD; not a good combination," said Todd Palmsicno. The game has PLENTY of tickets left. Buy one get 10 free is the promotion tonight. Hope to see you there!

Army resumes, results are the same!

The Red Army returned to action last night against Acme. A "big" surprise is the Army got beat 6-1. The Army did take the lead early in the first when Kurt Comeau put a shot where grandma keeps the cookies. That was the only highlight the Army had all night. "At least the beer was cold after the game," said Shawn McMillan. Coach Paukert had a close door meeting after the game. Rumor has it that his outburst of four letter words was worse than Mike Yeo of the Wild. "We had to have a little attitude adjustment. We will play better next time," said a disappointed Paukert. The Army will try to pick up there first win next week against BBI. Game time is at 7:15 at the ICON sports center. "At least we get to play in a nice rink," said Lance Norman.