From Guest Writer #12

Last game of the year, same result. Matt Palmo scored 2, Steve Palmo scored 1 (should of had 5), and The Dirty Ass Dog had 1 with McMillan adding 4 assists as The Army dropped the finale 7-4. We're not counting Baron's goal with 2 seconds left as no one was even trying. Gilby had 5 (maybe more) saves on the night. He finally had no give aways on his "dump ups". "Maybe this is a sign of things to come with him." said Matt Palmo. "He still sucks" said Steve Palmo. "We could have used Schumacher's offense tonight but I guess he had something more important to do." said an upset Steve Knipe. "Show a movie with Leonard Nimoy for awhile and call it a night" said McMillan. "That's science". Travis Lockwood chimed in for Baron's, "Those guys are a bunch of cupcakes. I had my way with ...them all night... and I'm from South Dakota." That upset the Army locker room as Matt Palmo went across the hall to have a "talk" with him but he had already left. " A little too late for that." said Bill Knipe. "Where was that all season?" Coach Paukert was again scratching his head wondering what the hell to do. "I go over film but when you have no talent, no brains, and no desire, what do you do? There will be a lot of changes this off season. Next year will be different." "Probably not" said Kurt Comeau. " As long as I'm getting paid, who the hell cares". "GETTIN' PAID BITCH!" said Todd Palmo. Tonights paid attendence was 2 but after further examination, Bob and Brenden McMillan slipped in through the back door. End of the year banquet will be coming soon with a charity golf tournament to follow. If you think The Army is bad at hockey, watch this fiasco! Follow the post as we'll keep you posted. Thanks for sharing this dismal season with us. We hope to be better next year. Riiiight.

Finally the last game

The Red Army takes on the hated Buschwackers tonight at 6:00pm at the Purpur Arena. The Army seems to be very loose going into the game. The 4-9-3 Army seem to not care of the results. Army winger Len Boucher said, "We need to install another rule for the Huff-n-Puff league. If the snow is gone before the season is over, than the season is done!" The Army players all cheered with Boucher's statement. The short handed Army will be without one of its hottest players, Todd Schumacher. Schumacher has a 5 game point streak. Collecting 3 goals and 8 assists. Schumacher is going with Marilyn Haggerty to Italy on the cruise. He is on a fact finding mission to see if the food is good enough for the Army. The Italian government wants the Army to come there next year for a 2 week exhibition tour. "If there pepperoni bread isn't as good as Pricilla Marto's, we ain't going," said Bill Knipe. Knipe Continued, "This is the most important mission ever in Schumacher's life. He better not screw it up." Please show up for the game. No tickets needed to watch these old men. Kurt Comeau will be the special reporter for tomorrow's report. Only 8 months until opening day.

Last Game

6:00 at the Purpur vs the Buschwackers

Army drops to 4-9-3

The Red Army got beat 9-7 to the hands of Gerrell's last night in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army started strong, taking a 2-1 lead after one period. GM Kevin Kyle looked like a genius in sign Mike Markovich to a one game contract. He was put on the wing with Shawn McMillan, and those two dominated the first period. After that, the two just could click. "If we had one more game together Mike and I would set scoring records," said a disappointed McMillan. Todd Palmiscno added, "Kyle screwed up again. First off all he signed the wrong Marto and tonight he signed the wrong Markovich. We needed Paul to play." The Army and Gerrell's then had a shot out the rest of the way. The score was 6-5 Gerrell's after 2 periods. "We just couldn't capitalize on our chances. We had 3 penalty shots and didn't score on any of them, "said Lenny Boucher. Todd Schumacher added, "3 penalty shots missed and Comeau wasn't even there." The Army will finish the season next week against the Buschwackers. Time and place to be announced later. Rumor has it that the game will be played at the Ralph, with a crowd of 11,000 expected. Josh Gilbertson had 4 saves for the Army last night.

Two games to go

Can the Red Army salvage the last 2 games of the year. Well it needs to start tonight as they take on Gerrell's at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. The Army is trying out new talent tonight. Mike Markovich has been tendered to a one game contract. Markovich is the former Central Park standout. He also played at Grand Forks Central and Denver University. But it was at Central Park wherre he did most of his damage. Markovich states, "We use to own the North end of Grand Forks. University, Elks and Riverside had nothing on us. Schuie and I teamed up for many goals. Hopefully tonight it will be the same." Coach Terry Paukert said, "You can't question the heart of a Central Park player. Unless it is Bill Knipe. Markovich is from my home park. We are glad to have him." Assistant GM Paul Markovich said, "Mike has finally made the big time. I just hope he performs well enough to make the team next year. Though I don't know if he can play as well as Lance Norman." Very few tickets are left for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available tickets.

Game Wednesday

Game is at the Gambucci Arena at 7:00 vs. Gerrell's.

GFAFB ties game with 30 seconds left

The Red Army couldn't quite shut the door on the GFAFB last night. The Base scored with 30 seconds left to tie the game at 6-6. Matt Palmiscno's last second shot hit the post and the Army had to settle for the tie. "He has to be tougher. He one handed his shot. I taught him to always have 2 hands on your stick, " said Dad and winger Steve Palmiscno. The 2 Palmo's had a big night. Steve has 3 goals and 2 assist and his son Matt had 2 goals and 2 assist. The Army's other goal was scored by Todd Schumacher. Schumacher has been smoking the last four games. To go along with his goal and assist last night, he has 3 goals and 7 assist in his last 4 games. "Schuie has been amazing," said Perry Marto. Schumacher's humbly responded, "I'm just here to help the team win." The Army again was shorthanded. With only 5 forwards and 3 defensemen, the Army gave it all they had. They just tired out by the end of the game. Injuries have been a big deal for the Army, but the biggest surprise last night was the no-show of Bill Knipe. GM Kevin Kyle said, "Our league security couldn't find him. He wasn't answering his phone and wasn't at home, no idea where he was." Rumors were aplenty. The most plausible reason is that Bill fell off the wagon. No not alcohol, but the buffet at the Italian Moon. This reporter has learned that Knipe spent 4 hours devouring the Moon's food. when a photographer was sent to the Moon, the only thing left was a mound of napkins in the corner booth. More on this situation next week.

Late one tonight

The Red Army takes on the GFAFB tonight at the Eagles Arena at 9:30 tonight. Obviously the Huff-n-Puff league is trying to make sure the Army has no chance in winning tonight. "Don't they know we are all over 40 and are in bed by this time," said coach Terry "Ten o'clock Pauk" Paukert. "There is no way The Pauk will be there, we are going to have to coach ourselves," said Steve Palmiscno. Lance Norman added, "Like that makes a difference!" Owner Darrel Boucher did protest to the league, but to no avail. So Boucher has taken the matter into his own hands and has rented the Good Sam bus to pickup and drop off the Army players. Boucher in his weekly statement. "I just don't want any of my players falling asleep on the way home. I also have the Ground Round catering food after the game, so Perry can eat before 10:00. I don't want him eating after that time so to lose his girlish figure." There are plenty of tickets to tonight's game. In fact no admission is being charged. The League will pay you to show up for tonight's game.

Short-handed Army gets Doubled Up

The Red Army only had 8 healthy skaters last night in a loss to Kelly's Bar 10-5. The Army was only down 5-3 after the 2nd period. Fatigue was a factor in the third. "I was worried about Todd Schumacher. We had to keep him out for a 6 minutes shift. His head was as red as a fire engine. It looked like it was ready to explode," said an unworried coach Terry Paukert. Kelly's did jump out to a 4-0 lead after one period, but the Army scrappy play brought them as close as 4-3, but just couldn't get over the hump. "We were lucky that the Army wasn't at full strength," Said Kelly's d-man Tim Loven. "I don't think we win if they have a full squad." Also helping the Army stay close was the play of backup goalie Jake Suedel. "Even though Jake gave up 10 goals on 94 shots, he gave us a chance to win," said Steve Palmiscno. "If Gilby is in the net we lose by 20." The loss drops the Army to 4-8-2 with 3 weeks left. So it looks like the Army once again will finish below the .500 mark. No surprise from this reporter.