No Goal for Schumacher

The Red Army was Drubbed last night 8-3 to Gerrell's. The Army played very uninspired hockey. "It looked like everyone was just trying to score and not play any defense," said coach Terry Paukert. The was proven by Matt Palmiscno being on the ice for 7 goals against. "Matt is a cupcake!" said father Steve Palmiscno. The capacity crowd of 4 was waiting to see if Todd Schumacher was going to keep his goal scoring streak. The 28 year streak is over. Schumacher failed to score after being constantly feed in the game. Schumacher has 15 shots on net and couldn't score. "I had my chances, but it just wasn't my year. I guess by not scoring, I have to play another year!" Perry Marto , who was injured carrying a tool belt yesterday and didn't play said, "It wasn't his year. How about it hasn't been his year for the last 12." Bill Knipe answered Marto, "Well at least he played tonight. Marto is a cupcake too! I wear a tool belt with pride and I don't get hurt!" Post season awards will be announced soon.

2013-14 Finale

The End of another Huff-n-Puff season is upon us. The Red Army plays Gerrelle's at 7:00 at the GRBLC Arena. The Army is coming of a surprise win over Acme 5-3. The team is now jockeying for position in the upcoming draft. GM Kevin Kyle says, "We need a win tonight. We don't want the number one pick in the draft. Our luck hasn't been good with that pick." The Army's recent number one picks are Toby Palmiscno, Josh Gilbertson, Eric Melland and Wade Anderson. "We need to find a diamond in the rough, like "Pucks and Sticks" Chad Hanson," said Coach Terry Paukert. Hanson was a 6th round pick and flourished in the Army system. The only other drama for tonight's game is will Todd Schumacher extend his goal scoring streak. Schumacher has scored a goal every year in his illustrious career. Schumacher with no goals on the season must score tonight or he will be shamed for the rest of his career. Kurt Comeau on Schumacher's chances, "No friggin way does he score. He has been set up many times over the last 3 weeks and can't put it in the ocean from a small boat." Perry Marto chimed in, "Even Norman has scored this year, so if Schumacher doesn't, he really sucks!" Schumacher replied, "Not to worry. I have come down to the last game a couple of times and have scored 2 goals each game. I think 3 will be my goal tonight!" Len Boucher quipped, "Is he already drunk!" Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seats!

Army Stunner

The Red Army stunned the Huff-n-Puff league with a rare win over Acme last night 5-3. The Army was lead, unbelievably by Perry Marto's 1 goal and 2 assists. "I was a dominant player for once this year. It felt good," said a proud Marto. Steve Olson added, "He thinks just standing in front of the net and having the puck hit him is a dominant performance." The Army finally got some goaltending from Eric Melland. Melland had 18 saves to backstop the Army. Melland said, "I'm just here to help the team. I'm really tired. I haven't had that many saves since my 1st year in squirts." The Army is playing for contracts next week as the season will come to an end. The guy that is in the most trouble is Todd Schumacher. Schumacher still hasn't scored this year and is in jeopardy of having his 28 year goal scoring streak end. "Two years ago it came to the last game and I notch 2. I'm not worried at all. I would have scored tonight if Steve Palmiscno would have put the puck on my stick without moving it." Palmiscno added, "I feed him like a baby, what else does he want!" Management has said that if Schumacher doesn't score he has to sign a 4 year contract just to make him suffer until he is 50. The line at the Riviera Casino in Vegas has the odds of Schumacher scoring at 10-1 against. Looks like he will be playing way over his prime!

The Season is almost DONE

The Army will take its dismal record into tonight's game against Acme. The Army has beaten Acme once this year. But that doesn't mean much. With the game at 5:45 at the GF Blue Line Club, the Army will be short handed. Stalwarts Lance Norman, Chad Swendseid and Todd Schumacher won't be playing. Trying to pick up the slack for those 3 will be Director of Player Personal, Shawn McMillan. He came out of retirement once this year and as Perry Marto stated, "He was shitty!" McMillan answered, "I fit right in, we are all shitty!" No one argued. Look for Lenny Boucher to have a big night. There is video surfacing around that he has been shooting extra pucks in his brown spandex. It looks like he may be getting rid of the camo ones. We can only wait to see that sight. "Maybe Lenny can give the camo ones to Steve Olson. So he can get rid of his brown streak ones," said Todd Palmiscno. You can tell it is getting late in the year, if the best thing I can write about are brown things. Thousands of tickets remain for tonight's game. Call 1_800-REDARMY for yours.