The Streak is over

The Red Army dropped to 2-4-1 with a loss to Caulfield's 3-2. The Army continued ato have slow start, and just couldn't dig out of 2-0 hole. The Army could only manage goals from Kurt Comeau and Matt Palmiscno. "Matt finally did something this year," said his father Steve. "When I was that age, I would have scored at least 4 times." Eric Melland tried to help out the Army with 47 saves. Chad Swendsied said, "If he shuts them out we win. That is pretty plain and simple." The Army had a chance to tie the game in the final seconds, but Steve Olson was denied twice. "I created as much as I could. I need a little help from the others on the ice." The Army has next week of due to the holidays. They may return after the new year!

Is it possilbe for 3 in a row!

The Red Army is looking for its first 3 game winning streak since the 90's as they take on Caulfield's tonight at 6:00 at the REA Olympic Rink. The Army isn't very happy about playing on the big ice surface. Steve Olson was the most vocal, "What is Baron trying to do to this storied franchise. Last week we played in the ice box and now he wants us to play on an Olympic ice sheet." Olson continued, "If Baron is trying to get the Army to stop playing, he is getting close." The Army has petitioned the league to see if they can play with 6 skaters. The league still has not given the Army an answer. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich stated, "How are Schumacher and Todd Palmiscno going to cover an extra 15 feet. They have trouble on a 50 X 50 rink." This is the last chance to see the Army before the new year. Tickets are going fast. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available.

Army unbeaten in the last 3 games

The Red Army stuns Gerrell's tonight 6-5. The high powered Gerrell's were turn away numerous times late in the game. The biggest save was when Todd Schumacher, deflected a sure goal away with less than a minute to play. The Army was led by Len Boucher. Boucher scored 2 goals, including the game winner with less than 5 minutes left in the game. Also scoring for the Army was Kurt Comeau, Steve Olson and unbelievable both Knipes! The last time both Knipes scored in a game was in 2003. Bill Knipe has scored in the last 2 games. This is the first time since 1998. Shawn McMillan and Lance Norman were absent from tonight's game. Coach Terry Paukert said, " McMillan has to play with Marto and Bill next week and Norman has to play with Comeau. I don't think they will miss a game again." The win propels the Army to 2-3-1. The Army hasn't been this close to the .500 mark this late in the season since 2001. Will the streak continue. Probably not, but it is nice to dream.

Can the Army make it 2 in a row

The Red Army faces of against Gerrell's tonight at 7:45 in the ice box called the EGF Blue Line Arena. The Army is coming off a surprising 4-3 victory over the GFAFB. Coach Paukert stated, "I honestly didn't think we would win a game all year. Have you seen this team play?" Once Steve Olson found out the Army was in the EGF for the game he screamed, "That place is a dump. As one of the original 6 in this league we deserve better." Olson continued his rant saying, "The locker rooms are way to small and I just can't create. It is worse than having to watch Schumacher officiate a hockey game!" The Army has seen some life the last two weeks as call-up goalie Eric Melland has played well in a win and a tie. He has given up 7 goals in two game. He still needs to work on his 65% save percentage. Melland said, "If I can get my percentage to 72% I will break Toby Palmiscno's all-time record." Steve Palmiscno quipped, "That will never happen. All goalies suck! What is so hard in stopping a little black disc!" Plenty of ticket are still available to the game tonight. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

ARMY WINS

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. The Red Army posted their first win of the season. The Army came back from a 3-2 deficit after one period, and beat the GFAFB 4-3. Lance "Tripod" Norman snapped in the game winner midway through the third. Unbelievably has received a pass from Kurt Comeau on the play. Norman said, " I got fed like a baby and didn't make any mistakes in burying the biscuit in the basket. I almost put where mamma keeps the cookies." Steve Palmiscno chimed in, "Hey quit talking in cliches." The Army's new goaltender, Eric Melland, struggled early in the game. He gave up 3 goals on his first 5 shots of the game. But he shut the door the rest of the way. Melland finished with 12 saves. Perry Marto said this about the Army's new tender, "Just stop the puck is all we ask. He may have to make the first 5 saves. He must remember that the Army doesn't back check or play in our own zone. He will have to clear it himself." The Army also got goals from Bill Knipe, Steve Palmiscno and Comeau. It was Knipe's first goal of the season. Knipe said, "The pressure is off, now it is just Schumacher that has to score. I don't think he can do it." Shawn McMillan added, "Schumacher keyed the victory tonight with his defensive play. He will score again this decade." The win brings the Army record to 1-3-1. Still not good!

Army hopes to improve on tie

The Red Army was totally dominated last week, but still managed a tie 4-4 against Acme. Tonight's game will be just as difficult as they take on the GFAFB at 8:00 at the Eagles Arena. Plenty of seats are available for tonight's game. There has been one pre-sale ticket. It seems that Fireman Ed of NY Jets fame, is coming to see if he can revive the Army's lowly existence. "Plain and simple we just suck right now," said Shawn Mcmillan. "I never thought I would say this, but I think we need Gilby back." Kurt Comeau added, "When Gilby was around we had someone to dislike and it made us play better. We need Steve Palmoscno to play pissed off, not like Lady Bing!" It is also rumored that Coach Terry Paukert may be on the hot seat. Ownership is looking to bring in Andy Reid when he gets fired in a couple of weeks. A top official with the Army said," We know Reid can coach offense and that is what we need. We won't put him in charge of the defense. Maybe The Pauk can just handle this duty. Tickets are free for tonight's game. Just show up, no calling needed. The 3 fans that show will have no problem finding a seat!

Army gets a tie, its a miracle

Sometimes the best team doesn't win. No, I'm not talking about The Red Army. Acme absolutely dominated The Army last night but could only render a tie. Emergency call-up goaltender from the Pisek junior league, Eric Melland, was outstanding while recording at least 40 saves. The kid was so good he actually made 3 saves on a 3 on 0 before an Army player came to help. He even made a point blank save on Steve Olson. Ole plays for The Army! Said Lance Norman, "He could even break the puck out without turning it over. I didn't even have to skate back into our own zone. I wish our so called veteran goalie could do that." Acme staked a 3-0 lead half way through the second period when The Army decided to turn it up. Kurt Comeau got it started. "Just another day at the office" he said. McMillan got the next two to tie things up at three, one of which Bobby Orr would have been proud of. "I just pick my spots because going end to end at my age isn't easy." said McMillan. " The second goal I give all the credit to Lenny. He bravely stood in front and screened the goalie." Lenny chimed in, "I would never stand in front if someone like Schumacher was shooting. He can't hit the end of the rink standing inside the blueline." Acme made it 4-3 midway through the third but the Army responded quickly on which could be the play of year by Steve Palmo. Steve described the play as, "I knew there was only one way McMillan could get me that pass, and that was waist high through 2 defencemen. I knocked it out of the air and into the top corner of the net. Routine." The score remaind 4-4 until the final buzzer with the Acme players looks of disbelief on their faces. The Army looks at the tie as a moral victory as their record now sits at 0-3-1. Sometimes a blind squirrel can even find a nut. In this case the nut was already cracked.

Nov. 28 game

Game time is 8:15 at the Gambucci vs. Acme

Army falls apart

Another loss for The Army. The Army jumped out to a 2-0 lead on goals from Shawn McMillan and newcomer Wade Anderson but could not hang on for the 5-2 drubbing. Recent call up from The Army's farm system Wade Anderson made an immediate contribution scoring The Army's 1st goal but slowly faded from there and was consequently sent back down. Todd Schumacher quoted, "He was horseshit when I coached him and he's even worse now." Wade Anderson quickly added, "I did everything he taught me. You can figure it out from there." When told he was being sent down, Wade added, "Thank you." Coach Paukert commented, "Obviously our summer conditioning program is not working. We will be spending some time at the park. We can hit the buffet afterwards. " No Marto, Knipe brothers or Mike Anderson gave the team and its fans some hope of winning but it really doesn't matter who plays, this team is just aweful. Stay tuned for next weeks game time.

Early Update To Get Everyone Fired Up

The Thanksgiving Eve clash of the titans will once again take place tomorrow night. The Red Army and the Buschwackers will renew there heated rivalry. The game is at 7:00 pm at the Gambucci Arena. "This one is for all the marbles," said Wacker Darrin Vatnsdal. "We want the booth at the Roc and the trophy." Bill Knipe shot back, "The booth is ours. We need it because of the sure size of our team. Roche and Baron can sit in the parking lot!" A capacity crowd is expected for the game. The GF parks dept. has brought in 500 extra seats for the game. Ticket sales have reach an all time pregame high of 18. Commissioner Baron said, "We might make money on this game. If we do, Rochee and I can go to Mexico for 2 weeks." The biggest mystery for the Army is who will be in net. Not even the players know that yet. After last weeks goalie no show, Coach Paukert has been looking all over Siberia for someone to tend the pipes. "It has been a long and exhausting week to find a goalie, All I know is the guy I have chosen is much better than last years guy!" The Army will be without veteran Perry Marto. Steve Olson stated, "We actually now have a chance to win the game without Marto." Even Wacker forward, Jerry Lundby agreed, "With Marto out of the lineup, the Army will actually have someone at center that knows what they are doing. We have to back and redraw a game plan." Again tickets are going fast, call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Can the Army bounce back??

The Red Army takes on Kelly's tonight at 6:45. Tonight's game is the marquee game in the Huff-n-Puff league. For this reason the game is being played at the Eagles Arena. The Eagles has the best sight lines for TV. The game will be broadcast on the FSSN, with Pat Sweeney and Jim Scanlan handling the play-by-play. The Army is hoping to improve on their dismal performance from last week 6-1 loss. "We need to play at a higher tempo," said Coach Terry Paukert. Paukert continued, "I don't think we can get any slower. Last weeks game set hockey back 40 years." Shawn McMillan added, "We suck, plain and simple." Perry Marto had a different take, "I don't suck, Shawn must have been talking about the rest of the team. He must have forgotten that my son Jake played for UND." Tickets are going fast. To get yours call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Army opens with loss, no one surprised

The Red Army dropped the season opener to the Broken Drum, 6-1. The Army just couldn't find their scoring touch. The Army peppered Mike Quick, yes that Mike Quick, with 54 shots. The Drum was able to pickup Quick due to the NHL lockout. Broken Drum owner Jay Spicer said, "We were able to get him for 3 cases of Kokonee. Quite a bargain." The Army was almost aghast when Todd Schumacher walked in all alone in the 3rd period. Yet Schumacher snapped one just wide. "If Schumacher would have scored in the first game of the year, he would have been just awful the rest of the year," quipped Kurt Comeau. The game was delayed for about 20 minutes for ice repair. "I was just going from forward to backward and I caught and edge and went down. The ice took a lot of force and the arena staff did a great job in getting the ice ready again," said Steve Olson. Speaking of Olson, he ripped on off the post in the 3rd that was heard in Fargo. Oh, by the way, Comeau scored!

The Season Begins Tonight

The Red Army opens the season tonight at 7:15 with the game at the Purpur Arena. As is customary for the first game, Baron hasn't let anyone know who they are playing. Baron said, "I don't even know who the Buschwackers are playing and I made the schedule." Lots of questions surround the Army this year. The biggest question is if all the players made the mandatory 215 pound weight limit. Remember that means the player has to weigh more than 215 pounds. Rumor has it that Bill Knipe was at 213 and was seen at the Northside Cafe this morning. Knipe Stated," I have a busier day than the presidential candidates. I'm at the Northside now. At 9:00 I have to be at Denny's, at 11:00 the Red Pepper, and at 3:00 Speedway. My weigh in should be just fine!" Call for tickets at 1-800-REDARMY.

Practice

Wednesday's practice is at 7:00pm at the KC club.

End of year Party

The Red Army year end banquet has been set for Friday at 7:00pm in Todd Palmiscno's garage. The Army tried to get the main arena at the Alerus, but the Pajama Football League had a game scheduled. The schedule of events as planned by Bill Knipe is as follows: 7:00-7:15 Social 1/4 hour, 7:15-7:16 Awards, 7:16-12:00 Dinner.

Awards Banquet

The 10's of fans want to know when the awards banquet is??

From Guest Writer #12

Last game of the year, same result. Matt Palmo scored 2, Steve Palmo scored 1 (should of had 5), and The Dirty Ass Dog had 1 with McMillan adding 4 assists as The Army dropped the finale 7-4. We're not counting Baron's goal with 2 seconds left as no one was even trying. Gilby had 5 (maybe more) saves on the night. He finally had no give aways on his "dump ups". "Maybe this is a sign of things to come with him." said Matt Palmo. "He still sucks" said Steve Palmo. "We could have used Schumacher's offense tonight but I guess he had something more important to do." said an upset Steve Knipe. "Show a movie with Leonard Nimoy for awhile and call it a night" said McMillan. "That's science". Travis Lockwood chimed in for Baron's, "Those guys are a bunch of cupcakes. I had my way with ...them all night... and I'm from South Dakota." That upset the Army locker room as Matt Palmo went across the hall to have a "talk" with him but he had already left. " A little too late for that." said Bill Knipe. "Where was that all season?" Coach Paukert was again scratching his head wondering what the hell to do. "I go over film but when you have no talent, no brains, and no desire, what do you do? There will be a lot of changes this off season. Next year will be different." "Probably not" said Kurt Comeau. " As long as I'm getting paid, who the hell cares". "GETTIN' PAID BITCH!" said Todd Palmo. Tonights paid attendence was 2 but after further examination, Bob and Brenden McMillan slipped in through the back door. End of the year banquet will be coming soon with a charity golf tournament to follow. If you think The Army is bad at hockey, watch this fiasco! Follow the post as we'll keep you posted. Thanks for sharing this dismal season with us. We hope to be better next year. Riiiight.

Finally the last game

The Red Army takes on the hated Buschwackers tonight at 6:00pm at the Purpur Arena. The Army seems to be very loose going into the game. The 4-9-3 Army seem to not care of the results. Army winger Len Boucher said, "We need to install another rule for the Huff-n-Puff league. If the snow is gone before the season is over, than the season is done!" The Army players all cheered with Boucher's statement. The short handed Army will be without one of its hottest players, Todd Schumacher. Schumacher has a 5 game point streak. Collecting 3 goals and 8 assists. Schumacher is going with Marilyn Haggerty to Italy on the cruise. He is on a fact finding mission to see if the food is good enough for the Army. The Italian government wants the Army to come there next year for a 2 week exhibition tour. "If there pepperoni bread isn't as good as Pricilla Marto's, we ain't going," said Bill Knipe. Knipe Continued, "This is the most important mission ever in Schumacher's life. He better not screw it up." Please show up for the game. No tickets needed to watch these old men. Kurt Comeau will be the special reporter for tomorrow's report. Only 8 months until opening day.

Last Game

6:00 at the Purpur vs the Buschwackers

Army drops to 4-9-3

The Red Army got beat 9-7 to the hands of Gerrell's last night in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army started strong, taking a 2-1 lead after one period. GM Kevin Kyle looked like a genius in sign Mike Markovich to a one game contract. He was put on the wing with Shawn McMillan, and those two dominated the first period. After that, the two just could click. "If we had one more game together Mike and I would set scoring records," said a disappointed McMillan. Todd Palmiscno added, "Kyle screwed up again. First off all he signed the wrong Marto and tonight he signed the wrong Markovich. We needed Paul to play." The Army and Gerrell's then had a shot out the rest of the way. The score was 6-5 Gerrell's after 2 periods. "We just couldn't capitalize on our chances. We had 3 penalty shots and didn't score on any of them, "said Lenny Boucher. Todd Schumacher added, "3 penalty shots missed and Comeau wasn't even there." The Army will finish the season next week against the Buschwackers. Time and place to be announced later. Rumor has it that the game will be played at the Ralph, with a crowd of 11,000 expected. Josh Gilbertson had 4 saves for the Army last night.

Two games to go

Can the Red Army salvage the last 2 games of the year. Well it needs to start tonight as they take on Gerrell's at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. The Army is trying out new talent tonight. Mike Markovich has been tendered to a one game contract. Markovich is the former Central Park standout. He also played at Grand Forks Central and Denver University. But it was at Central Park wherre he did most of his damage. Markovich states, "We use to own the North end of Grand Forks. University, Elks and Riverside had nothing on us. Schuie and I teamed up for many goals. Hopefully tonight it will be the same." Coach Terry Paukert said, "You can't question the heart of a Central Park player. Unless it is Bill Knipe. Markovich is from my home park. We are glad to have him." Assistant GM Paul Markovich said, "Mike has finally made the big time. I just hope he performs well enough to make the team next year. Though I don't know if he can play as well as Lance Norman." Very few tickets are left for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available tickets.

Game Wednesday

Game is at the Gambucci Arena at 7:00 vs. Gerrell's.

GFAFB ties game with 30 seconds left

The Red Army couldn't quite shut the door on the GFAFB last night. The Base scored with 30 seconds left to tie the game at 6-6. Matt Palmiscno's last second shot hit the post and the Army had to settle for the tie. "He has to be tougher. He one handed his shot. I taught him to always have 2 hands on your stick, " said Dad and winger Steve Palmiscno. The 2 Palmo's had a big night. Steve has 3 goals and 2 assist and his son Matt had 2 goals and 2 assist. The Army's other goal was scored by Todd Schumacher. Schumacher has been smoking the last four games. To go along with his goal and assist last night, he has 3 goals and 7 assist in his last 4 games. "Schuie has been amazing," said Perry Marto. Schumacher's humbly responded, "I'm just here to help the team win." The Army again was shorthanded. With only 5 forwards and 3 defensemen, the Army gave it all they had. They just tired out by the end of the game. Injuries have been a big deal for the Army, but the biggest surprise last night was the no-show of Bill Knipe. GM Kevin Kyle said, "Our league security couldn't find him. He wasn't answering his phone and wasn't at home, no idea where he was." Rumors were aplenty. The most plausible reason is that Bill fell off the wagon. No not alcohol, but the buffet at the Italian Moon. This reporter has learned that Knipe spent 4 hours devouring the Moon's food. when a photographer was sent to the Moon, the only thing left was a mound of napkins in the corner booth. More on this situation next week.

Late one tonight

The Red Army takes on the GFAFB tonight at the Eagles Arena at 9:30 tonight. Obviously the Huff-n-Puff league is trying to make sure the Army has no chance in winning tonight. "Don't they know we are all over 40 and are in bed by this time," said coach Terry "Ten o'clock Pauk" Paukert. "There is no way The Pauk will be there, we are going to have to coach ourselves," said Steve Palmiscno. Lance Norman added, "Like that makes a difference!" Owner Darrel Boucher did protest to the league, but to no avail. So Boucher has taken the matter into his own hands and has rented the Good Sam bus to pickup and drop off the Army players. Boucher in his weekly statement. "I just don't want any of my players falling asleep on the way home. I also have the Ground Round catering food after the game, so Perry can eat before 10:00. I don't want him eating after that time so to lose his girlish figure." There are plenty of tickets to tonight's game. In fact no admission is being charged. The League will pay you to show up for tonight's game.

Short-handed Army gets Doubled Up

The Red Army only had 8 healthy skaters last night in a loss to Kelly's Bar 10-5. The Army was only down 5-3 after the 2nd period. Fatigue was a factor in the third. "I was worried about Todd Schumacher. We had to keep him out for a 6 minutes shift. His head was as red as a fire engine. It looked like it was ready to explode," said an unworried coach Terry Paukert. Kelly's did jump out to a 4-0 lead after one period, but the Army scrappy play brought them as close as 4-3, but just couldn't get over the hump. "We were lucky that the Army wasn't at full strength," Said Kelly's d-man Tim Loven. "I don't think we win if they have a full squad." Also helping the Army stay close was the play of backup goalie Jake Suedel. "Even though Jake gave up 10 goals on 94 shots, he gave us a chance to win," said Steve Palmiscno. "If Gilby is in the net we lose by 20." The loss drops the Army to 4-8-2 with 3 weeks left. So it looks like the Army once again will finish below the .500 mark. No surprise from this reporter.

Army to Play in Ice Box tonight

The Red Army puts its 2 game winning streak on the line tonight against Kelly's. Game time is 7:45 at the EGF Blue Line Arena. "We are not happy about playing a big game like this in the smallest arena. Our Legion of fans can''t get enough tickets," said Perry Marto. Todd Palmiscno chimed in, "Look at the size of us. We don't fit in the locker room. Baron needs to have his head examined." Luckily for Baron, Steve Olson is still on rehab assignment. But Olson was able to make comment via conference call. "Baron is lucky I'm not there. I would take care of him like I took care of the league when I played in Portage. You don't think I got this pretty face from wearing a mask." The biggest question for the Army is will there defensmen play well. "Our defensemen have dominated the last 2 games. Lance Norman has been incredible. If these guys lead us again. We can beat Kelly's," said a confident coach Paukert. Though Steve Palmiscno added, "Remember we have Gilby, so the Pauk can throw that theory out." The game is sold out tonight. Scalpers are selling tickets for $.25, hopefully you can hook up with some!

Schumacher's 5 points propels Army

Todd Schumacher's 5 point night lifted the Army to a 5-2 win over Caulfields. Schumacher ended the game with 2 goals and 3 assist. Albeit, one of the goals was for the other team. Again the "D" pairings were the key. Lance Norman and Todd Palmiscno was solid defensively in holding Caulfield's top line to one goal. Shawn McMillan (1G, 2A) and Schumacher then were able to show off their offense prowess. "Our defenseman are doing the job. If they keep playing like this, we could rattle off a few more wins," said Coach Terry Paukert. "Who knew that Schumacher could play like this. 1 goal and 5 assist in the last 2 games, that usually takes him 2 years to get that many points," said Perry Marto. Speaking of Marto, his toughness of face-offs weren't overlooked. "Marto must have won every draw. We were always in possession of the puck," said McMillan. "Just because Marto said he won the draw, doesn't mean he is correct," said Steve Palmiscno. "Lance Norman has found a position. He was tough. He made play after play to stop Caulfield's, said Bill Knipe. Even the call up of Mike Mannassa for Caulfield's couldn't help. Mannassa said, "No one told me how good the Army was. Schumacher and McMillan were the best players on the ice." The win brings the Army record to 4-7-2. Oh by the way, Josh Gilbertson finished with 6 saves.

Looking for a streak

The Red Army is coming off its first victory since before the Christmas break. Has the Huff-n-Puff league awoke the Big Bear. "With them getting a victory, I think every team in the league is scared," said Buschwacker Paul Endres. Watching the Army last week was like being in a time machine to the late 90's. The Army was dominate in both ends of the rink. "I think it came down to we were confident in our goalie. Backup Jake Suedel had a great game," said Lance Norman. Norman continued,"Coach Paukert has a tough decision tonight. Start Gilby or Suedel. I know "The Pauk"will make the right decision." "The hell he will!" chimed Steve Palmiscno. The real decision is will Paukert keep his defensive pairings the same as last week. The pairings of Lance Norman and Todd Palmiscno and Shawn McMillan and Tood Schumacher were stellar. "It was like those guys had played together for years," sad Len Boucher. The Game tonight is against a tough Caulfield's team. The Gambucci Arena is almost sold out for the 8:15 Tilt. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seats.

Army Wins

Army wins 4-3 over the Broken Drum. Bill Knipe lead the way with 2 goals. Shawn McMillan and Todd Schumacher each chipped in 2 assist each. The biggest move by coach Paukdert was to bench Goaltender Josh Gilbertson and put Jake the backup in. "It was the Billy of old. He dominated from the drop of the puck to the final buzzer," said Paukert. Also the combination of McMillan and Schumacher was amazing on defense. "It was like those 2 played together forever. These 2 created so much, Schu-sanity was alive and well tonight!" Said Steve Palmiscno. Lance Norman agreed. "Keep those two together, I can play with Todd Palmiscno. And when Oly gets back, he is getting moved to forward so his talents aren't wasted." On another positive note the Army played well again without Perry Marto. "We don't need him. I hope he stays in the minor's," quipped Bill Knipe.

Tie last week, Win tonight?

The Red Army halted their 4 game losing streak last week by salvaging a tie against the GFAFB Warriors. Tonight the Army faces off against the Broken Drum at 8:00 at the Eagles Arena. Tonight's prime time game is being televised on the NBCSPORTS Network. "there were a lot of positive from last weeks game," said Todd Palmiscno. "I think we can snap off a few in a row here and get us back into contention for a shot at the league title." Len Boucher added, "We had a great week of practice. Even Marto worked hard. Now we just have to put everything together." Steve Palmiscno was quick to add, "Did you guys forget that we still have Gilby in the net. We need to average 6 goals a game to have a shot at winning." Josh Gilbertson replied, "For the first time in my life, I think Steve is right." Coach Terry Paukert had another take on tonight's game. "I think the key is Tood Schumacher. He had an incredible week of practice. I wouldn't be surprised if he took over the game tonight. Schu-sanity has a great ring to it." Shawn McMillan added, "Is Pauk on drugs." Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Sister Kisser

Same story last night as the Army let a third period lead slip away. After playing two close to perfect periods of hockey, the shorthanded team ran out of gas and let the base salvage
a point. Key note from last night was the defensive pairing of Lance Norman and Todd Palmiscno were plus 2 and only gave up one goal. When asked about playing with Norman, Pamiscno only had accolades for Norman. “It’s about time someone can keep up with
me. Schumacher needs to sit down and study this game footage and learn how to play defense. The Team was again lead by the second line of Comeau, Boucher and S. Knipe. This line
continues to make consistent plays that result in goals. "Its just been a lot of fun not having to play with Anderson and the results of our line speak for themselves." Again the weakness of this team is shown in the Goaltending. Week in and week out if this team had a net minder that could make that ONE or TWO saves to give this club a chance we very possibly could be talking League Title.
Note:
Matt Palmiscno was immediately sent down after scoring a goal last
night. When asked about the move Kevin Kyle only said: “This team only has enough
room for 2 Palmos!”

Sister Kisser

Army ties GFAFB 4-4. Losing streak is over. More to come!

Can the Army stop the bleeding

The Red Army has lost 4 in a row and their sights on winning another are looking dim. Tonight's game is against the GFAFB Warriors at 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. Any hope of salvaging the season comes down to winning tonight. "I think we have a good chance, because we won't have Anderson or Schumacher in the line-up," said Steve Knipe. Anderson is nursing a season ending taser injury and Schumacher is out with a mysterious illness. GM Kevin Kyle states, "Anderson was trying to shoot Comeau with the taser and accidentally shot himself. Glad to know he is protecting the East Side and not the west side. Schumacher has been to many specialist and they can't figure out what is wrong. All I know is he isn't sick from being overworked!" Steve Olson is still on assignment with Red Army Fargo farm team. "Oly is the only defenseman that can create. I don't know why Kyle still has him in Fargo. He is the only reason we can win a game," said a anonymous Army player. Kyle fired back, "He may be able to create, but with Gilby in the net he has to work harder in the D-zone. He is in Fargo working on that part of his game." "We could have 5 defenseman out their all standing in front of the nest blocking shot and everyone that got through would end up in the net. Remember we have Gilby," said Steve Palmiscno. Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. All tickets are 50% off. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seat.

Feb. 8

7:15 at GF Blue Line vs Warriors

Army Forgets There are 3 Periods to Play

The Red Army totally fell apart in the 3rd period of last nights game against Acme. The Army was only trailing 4-3 after 2 periods and had all the momentum, but gave up 4 3rd period goals to get throttled 8-3. The only bright spot on the Army was Kurt Comeau. Comeau had 2 goals and an assist. Including a goal on a penalty shot. Comeau now has a 6.6% score rate on the free shot. Coach Terry Paukert was visibly upset after the game. Paukert commented, "what was with Steve Palmiscno. I move him back to defense to create and he ends up -5 on the night. He was a worse turnover machine than Schumacher." Paukert tirade continued, "And what about the Knipes. You would think since they work together, grew up together that they could be on the same line. Well they can't. There is going to be a big shake up for next week. No one is safe!" Again the Army couldn't get a save. Josh Gilbertson was late getting to the game. He was at a pilate's class that ran late. the Army picked up a goalie for most of the first period. The Army was only down 2-0 when Gilbertson return. The stand-in goalie made 16 saves in the first. Gilby had 5 for his 2 periods of play. GM Kevin Kyle wasn't happy with the officiating. "If you look at the Huff-n-Puff bylaws, back checking is illegal after the first period. Acme broke the rule and the officials ignored this." Kyle added, "The league sent out a memo last week explaining the no back check rule. I guess we should have read the memo to the refs. Obviously they can't read." The Army has filed an official protest and has sent a copy of the game film to the league office. The loss drops the Army to 3-7-1. Will the Army ever win again this year??

No Norman may produce a win!

The Red Army will be without Lance Norman tonight as they take on the Acme at 8:00 at the Eagles Arena. Norman has taken the blame for the current losing streak. "I haven't given 100% the last month. I'm trying to watch my son play and imitate him. I realize that I have to play my game. I have to tripod much harder. so sitting myself down and working in the weight room will help," said Norman. "He just sucks. Why the excuse," quipped Len Boucher. The Army could still be without Mike Anderson. Anderson injured himself while "Trying" to play goalie. "We will all be safer out there if Mike is still on the shelf," said Kurt Comeau. If the Army is going to make a push for a their first league title since 1999, they need to start a streak now. Coach Terry Paukert said, "We had a great week of practice. I have never seen the two Todd's (Palmiscno and Schuamcher) work so hard. I actually think the completed 10% of their passes hit the correct sticks." Palmiscno answered, "I'm so ready for tonight. I think an assist is possible. I think Schmacher will be the best player on the ice." Shawn McMillan added, "For what team. Most of the time Schumacher is our worst enemy." Plenty of tickets are still available at 1-800 REDARMY.

Army, Wackers tie at 2-2

The Red Army and the Buschwacker played to a 2-2 tie in a hard fought game. The game was a classic. It brought memories from way back in the 90's. Both teams played tough defense and had numerous scoring chances. But again goaltending was the issue. Army goalie Josh Gilbertson had 6 saves, compared to the Wackers goalie, Lee Kaulbaugh had 66. The army found its self down 2-1 in the waning moments of the game. That is when Steve Palmiscno and Chad Swendsied took over. Swenny threaded a perfect pass to Palmiscno for his second tally of the night. "When we got down 2-1 after Gilby let in a weak one. I decided to take over," said a smug Palmiscno. Jerry Lundby of the Wackers said, "I've never seen a performance like that before. I'm glad he can only turn it on once a year. Remember he is a Palmiscno, and they can only shoot their wad once!" Unfortunately the game ended in a tie. So Baron doesn't have to retire and Kevin Kyle doesn't have to come out of retirement. Josh Gilbertson said, "I let the weak one in on purpose. I wanted to see Kyle TRY to play again. I'm so mad at Palmo. He ruined my plan."

Loser Leave Town Match, Kinda

Tonight is a marquee match-up in the Huff-n-Puff League. The Red Army takes on the El Roco Buschwackers. The game is sold out. The puck drops at 6:45 at the Eagles Arena. The game will be televised on ESPN Classic. Both teams have struggled of late, but you can throw the records right out the window when these two teams tangle. The bad blood is really boiling. Rumor has it that there has been a huge wager placed on the game. Brian "Baron" Purcell and Kevin Kyle have something in the works. Chris Mortenson of ESPN is reporting that if the Red Army wins, Baron must retire on the spot. If the Wackers win, Kevin Kyle must suit up on more time! Paul Endres of the Wackers said, "Hell, if that is all it takes to get Baron to retire, we will throw the game. I think the Army would love to see Kyle TRY to play again." Steve Palmiscno said, "They can try to throw the game, but remember we have Gilby in the net. He can score on himself." The game proves to be the best game of the week. The amount of press passes given out is surpassing what the Super Bowl has done. The biggest news on the day is that everyone on the ice will be safe. Mike Anderson will not be at the game, so there shouldn't be any massive collision on the ice. Said Kieth Anderson, "That is perfect, I can skate around with my head down and fell safe!"

Goalie change, same result

The Red Army finally put Josh Gilbertson on the bench for his lackluster play the last few weeks. Mike Anderson was thrown back between the pipes, but that didn't halt the 3 game skid. Kelly's defeated the Army 8-3. Though Anderson played ok, having 27 saves, the Army just didn't have any flow. "If Gilby plays in the net we lose 16-3. Hopefully this benching will get him playing again. If we have to play Anderson in the net again he may have a heart attack. I think he sweated off 16 pounds," said a disgusted Steve Palmiscno. The Army had a tough time starting the game. It was 4-0 5 minutes into the game. This reporter thinks it had to deal with Todd Schumacher still getting medical treatment before the game and he had to miss those minutes in the first period. "Hey, when Schuie was in the game, it was 4-3. If we have him the whole game it is a 5-4 game either way," said Bill Knipe. When asked about being an integral part of the team a humble Schumacher said, "I'm just hear to help the team win. We are a team and all of win and lose together." Chad Swendseid was livid after the game. Apparently the Army was trying to force a suspension of the game and play it next week. "GM Kevin Kyle said that he was going to take care of it. Obviously he thought we played at Red River high school and not the Eagles Arena. The fire was suppose to be at the Arena. Heads should roll!" Kyle was unavailable for comment. Assist GM, Paul Markovich told the Red Army News that Kyle had to take a sudden trip to Brazil, a country that does have an extradition treaty with the United States. More on this next week.

Army has a tough one tonight

The 3-5-1 Red Army takes on a talented Kelly's team that dismantled the Army earlier this year. The Army will have to be at the top of their game to get a win tonight. The Amry has defeated Kelly's in the past, but they will have to clicking on all cylinders. The Army will be without their most creative defensemen Steve Olson. Ole is nursing an esophagus injury. Ole hurt it while trying to down 2 Zep Grinders, while still telling Kevin how to print shirts. The Army could also be without Todd Schumacher. Schumacher is a game time decision. If he doesn't play, the Army may struggle. Schumacher is hot on the offensive end. Without 2 veteran defensemen, goalie Josh Gilbertson will have to play better than he has all of his life. "That's a joke. Gilby can't stop anything. And without Ole and Schuie, taking up a lot of space in the zone, Kelly's will have lots of angles to shoot from," said Steve Palmiscno. Game time is 6:45 at the Ealges Arena. Plenty of seats still remain!

Army losses, SCHUMACHER SCORES

The Red Army got spanked 7-2 against a talented Gerrell's team last night in Huff-n-Puff action. Goaltending again was the nemesis for the Army. Josh Gilbertson had 7 save on 14 shots and had 2 assist for Gerrell's. "At least he was tied for most points on the night for the team," said Steve Knipe. The Army looked like they were going to get shut out. The Gerrell's goalie was solid throughout the game. Over 2 periods he had 44 saves and ended with 56. But the shutout was broken up by Todd Schumacher. Schumacher was feed like a baby from Kurt Comeau and he put the puck where mamma keeps the cookies, the top shelf. The shot was a laser beam, and the Gerrell's goalie didn't have a chance. "Comeau gave me a great pass. I was just able to bury it." The goal gives Schumacher at least one goal a year in the 27 year history of the Huff-n-Puff league. Perry Marto commented, "What the hell are we going to do now. Schumacher scored too early in the season. We were hoping he wouldn't and then he would quit." Marto continued, "Again the management kept me out of the game, and we lose. I need to play and we will win!" GM Kevin Kyle said, "Marto will play when I say he will play. Tonight should be all about Schumacher. Do we have to call Marto, Mark Sanchez?"

Late one tonight

The Red Army take on Gerrell's at 8:30 at the Purpur Arena. The late time is to accommodate the large crowd expected for tonight's game. Ticket sales so far have top 12 and a record crowd of 24 is expected. "I just hope our coach, Terry Paukert can stay awake for the game. 10 o'clock Pauk is going to have to take a nap today," said Perry Marto. Speaking of Marto. He is convince that when he is playing the Army wins and when he is scratched the Army losses. He may have a point. GM Kevin Kyle, "I don't think that has anything to do with the success or failure of the club. We have sat Marto against the upper echelon of the league. He just can't keep up with the Caulfield like teams anymore." Call 1-800 REDARMY for your tickets. There are plenty left!

Army comeback falls short

The Red Army tried to overcome a 5-2 third period deficit only to loss 6-5 to Caulfield's. Goaltending was again a factor for the Army. Josh Gilbertson finished the night with 6 saves. Gilby said, "Hey I stopped half of them." Steve Olson was quick to add, "Anytime the Army scores 5 goals we should win. It doesn't happen very often." "We may not score 5 in a month," quipped Chad Swendseid. The Army had 5 different scorers last night. Len Boucher, Shawn McMillan, Bill Knipe, Todd Palmiscno and Chad Swendseid all tallied for the Army. Army coach, Terry Paukert said, "If we can get 5 different guys to score it is a miracle and we should win. I'm sending Gilby to Bolshoy Kamen, Russia for training purposes." Paukert continued, "I don't think Tretiak can help him. Sending him back to the mother land is our only hope." The loss drops the Army to 3-4-1. But don't give up hope Army fans, plenty of weeks to go before the end of the season.

Second half begins tonight!

The 3-3-1 Red Army takes on Caulfield Studios tonight at 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The Army is coming off one of their most impressive performances in years. An 8-2 thrashing of the Broken Drum. "We Marto back in the lineup last game the first line just clicked," said Steve Palmiscno. "WE need Marto's toughness and play making ability out there." A humble Marto answered, "I just out there to help the team win. My play isn't because my contract is up at the end of the season." GM Kevin Kyle states, "Marto needs to have a big second half, if not, he will be given his mandatory retirement papers." Len Boucher added, "Marto has been retired for the past 5 years." If the Army intends to go anywhere the rest of the season, Josh Gilbertson will have to play better in the nets. His 72% save percentage will have to increase to at least 77% for the Army to finish with an over .500 record for the first time in a decade! "There is no way Gilby can have that many saves. The defense will have to now black 20 shots a game," said a perturbed Chad Swendseid. There are not many tickets left for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available.