Army Evens Record

The Red Army smashed the Broken Drum last night 8-2. Despite being down a few guys last night, the Army put together a gutsy performance. It didn't look good early for the Army, as the broken drum scored 2 early goals in the first. It looked like the Old Josh Gilbertson was back. So all the Army did was not to allow a shot the rest of the game. "We knew if we didn't give up another shot on net we could win," said Lenny Boucher. The win moves the Army to a 3-3-1 record. The Army is off next week and is looking to charge into the new year.

Might as well start a new streak

The Red Army takes on the Broken Drum tonight at 7:45 at the EGF BLC Arena. You can already hear Steve Olson complaining about the facilities and the game is 11 hours away. The Army could move their record to 3-3-1 with a win tonight and have a .500 record before the Christmas break. This would be the first time this happened since the Reagan administration. "I don't know if we will be able to concentrate. With the big EGF raffle tonight, most of us will be hoping to win $7500," said Bill Knipe. Kurt Comeau added, " Gilby will have to come up big for us." "Not a chance in hell," said Steve Palmiscno. There are plenty of tickets available for tonight's game. With the loss last week, looks like fans are jumping off the bandwagon. But if you need some, call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seat.

The Army Streak is Stopped

The Red Army's 2 game winning streak is over. The Army lost a 3-2 lead in the 3rd and was defeated by the GFAFB Warriors 6-5. The six goal barrage in the 3rd period was vastly different than the defensive minded first 2 frames. "It was a battle out there tonight. It was physical and they were doing a lot of stick swinging," said defensman Chad Swendseid. "Again it came down to making a save," said Steve Palmiscno. "But we have to deal with it. What we can't deal with is Gilby bringing warm beer. We work our tails off and to come and drink this stuff was an insult." The Number one star of the game was Bill Knipe. Yes, you are not reading a lie. Knipe was a force out on the ice tonight. "It was like we entered a time capsule," said Lance Norman. "Hopefully the old Billy is back." Knipe sniped one where mama keeps the cookies and play a physical brand of hockey not seen in 15 years from Knipe. Knipe stated, "I don't know what happened. One of there guys put their stick in my gut and whne Marto wasn't there to protect me, I took matters into my own hands." Hopefully Knipe effort won't be a flash in the pan. The loss drops the Army to 2-3-1. A win next week and a .500 record before the Christmas break will be something the Army hasn't seen in 12 years. Tickets for the game will go on sale on Saturday morning at 10:00.

Will 3 in a Row Happen

The Red Army takes its 2 game winning streak to the Eagles Arena for a huge game with the GFAFB Warriors at 6:45. The Army started the season 0-2-1, but have come alive the last two games. Both convincing victories. "I think our superior conditioning has helped us," said Bill Knipe. Steve Olson added, " Our strength and conditioning coach, Jenny Craig, has help us a lot." The Army has unbelievably has gotten decent goaltending from Josh Gilbertson. Gilby replied, "As long as the defensmen make 25 saves, I think I can manage to make the other 5-10. That will give us a chance to win." Look for Len Boucher to have a breakout game tonight. Coach Terry Paukert comments on his week of practice, "Lenny has been the best player on the ice this week in practice. No one has been able to stop him. I look for Lenwa to have a 3-4 point night." Boucher added, "I was the only one that showed up for practice. I should have been good." With Todd Schumacher back in the lineup, Shawn McMillan will be moved back up to his center position. "I don't know how Schumacher does it. Playing with Palmo back there is like playing with a bunch of 5-6 year old's. I can see that Schuie is the glue that keeps the puck out of the net with that pair!" There are a few tickets left for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY to get the best available.

Game 12-14-11

Game time is 6:45 at the Eagles Arena vs the GFAFB.

Another Win

"Gutsy win!" said Shawn McMillan. That is is all that needs to said after The Army's 5-3 win over Acme last night. The Army got off to a quick 1-0 lead but soon found the game tied at 1's. It was all Army after that. The Army built a 3-1 lead and just as soon as Acme would score, The Army would pop in another one to deflate their opponent. The Army was surprised to see the improved play of their goaltender as he made some outstanding saves. "I was completely in a zone tonight. Hakstol should forget about that guy from Alabama-Huntsville and give me a call." quipped Gilbertson. Another highlight from the game was the play of defensive partners Todd Palmiscno and Shawn McMillan. Todd Palmo said, "If I could play with McMillan the rest of the year, I would be a +50, but I guess it's ...back to reality next week with Schumacher." Todd Schumacher was a no show last night as he had to get a highly sensitive out patient surgery done in a very sensitive area. He'll be donning a new supporter next week. Perry Marto, Steve Olson, and Steve Palmo chimed in with, "Gilby still f**kin' sucks". The Army now sits at 2-2-1 on the year. Steve Knipe added, "One more win and we've got the same amount of wins total last year." Don't hold your breath, Steve. Free Red Army nudey pens next week. The kind you turn upside down as the players equipment erodes. Come early as these will definitely not last long.

Two in a Row Ain't No Record

The Red Army is shooting for another win tonight as they take on Amce tonight at 7:15 at the GFBLC. The Army is coming off one of its best performances in years in a drubbing of Gerrell's 6-3. "I think we are clicking on all cylinders right now," said a confident Len Boucher. "I think we can put a good streak together, and I'm not talking about Ole's underwear!" The Army will need to have another good outing from goalie Josh Gilbertson. "Gilby played well last week in recording a season high 8 saves. He may need ten tonight for us to win," said coach Terry Paukert. Chad Swendseid added, "We better score 8. If Gilby has ten saves, he will most likely give up 7." Out of action for tonight's game is Todd Schumacher. Apparently Schumacher is having a small medical procedure done to remove the Pylon that has been stuck in one of his orifices removed. "We would rather have the pylon play instead of Schumacher," Said Kurt Comeau. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. Call soon as there are less than 300 seats available.

Army Pounds Gerrell's

The Red Army improved to 1-2-1 with a convincing win over Gerrell's 6-3. The Army controlled to play from beginning to end. Coach Terry Paukert was pleased with the team's effort. "The guys skated 3 periods tonight. Even Bill broke a sweat!" Paukert made a couple of good moves before the game. He took himself and Mike Anderson out of the lineup. Pauert said he is just damn old to play in the ice box called the EGF BLC Arena and Anderson was a healthy scratch. Kurt Comeau addded, "Mike doesn't play and we win. Any correlation???" Anderson wasn't available for comment as rumors has it he was looking for his taser. The Army had balanced scoring though out its lineup. Shawn McMillan, the pick to click, had a goal and a couple of helpers to lead the Army. "I was ready for a break out game. It was nice not having to play with Bill and Marto. I had a lot more room to move out there. And with Mike gone, I knew no one would knock me over." The Only Army player disgusted after the game was Steve Olson. Olson wasn't happy that the Army had to play in such a small rink with barely enough room in the locker rooms for a squirt team. "Baron has got to realize that we are the draw for this league. He needs make money on us. Putting us in a 500 seat arena isn't going to cut it when it comes to the league being profitable. If he and Roachy want to go to Mexico, we need to be in the bigger rinks. We will sell them out," said an irate Olson. Oh by the way, goalie, Josh Gilbertson had 8 saves in the win last night.

Will the Army pick up its first win????

The 0-2-1 Red Army takes on a much improved Gerrell's team tonight at 7:45 at the EGF BLC Arena. The first 1000 fans will get a Red Army blanket to keep warm for tonight's game. The Army has yet to put 3 periods together this season. They have taken leads into the 3rd period twice this season only to produce their lone point. "Conditioning isn't a factor," said player/coach Terry Paukert. "These finely tuned athletes came into the season in the best shape of their lives." Steve Olson (The Army's leading scorer) answered back, "If he means pear shape, then he is correct!" "What we need is our goalie to finally win a game for the first time in his career," said Steve Palmiscno. "We are going to be sending 4 guys into the zone, so Gilby will have to stand on his head tonight!" The Army should be helped out by the small rink they will be playing on tonight. Their LARGE bodies will gobble up any open ice that would allowed Gerrell's to wheel. The pick to click tonight is Shawn McMIllan. The cagey veteran has gotten himself in top notch shape. McMillan said, "Just feed me the puck. If Oly can score 3 I will get 4!" Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets to tonight's game!

game Nov. 30

Game is at the EGF Blue Line Arena at 7:45 vs Gerrell's

Colassal Collapse

The Army craps another one down their breezers. The Army came out flying last night and completely dominated the first period and a half but things fell apart quickly after that. The turning point in the game was Gilby coming out of the net and delivering a pass right on the opponents stick high in the slot. It was a tap in from there for Baron's. This absolutely deflated The Army and Baron's went on to score four unanswered goals to beat The Army 7-4. A bright spot for The Army was Steve Olson's 1st period hat trick. This guy was on fire. He could do no wrong as everything he did was golden. The hats flew onto the ice as the crowd went wild. All 10 of them. Unfortunately, a game is 3 periods. Also, his family didn't show up until the second period and missed his onslaught. It looks like it could be another long year for the Army. Once again though, the beer was plentiful and everyone seemed to forget about what had happened prior. Free signed 10 X 10's of Ole at next weeks game. Happy Thanksgiving Army fans. We couldn't lose without you!!

Get Your Fill Tonight!!

The biggest game of the year in the Huff-n-Puff league is tonight. The Red Army takes on its arch rival, the Elroco Buschwackers. The teams played an exhibition game earlier this season in which the are dominated in winning 4-1. "The always shot their wad early. We now have our conditioning and we know the Army will be overconfident," said The Baron. Paul Endres added, "Hey they have Gilby in the net, he can't stop anything!" The Army players were not worried about a let down from their first meeting. With a 0-1-1 record they are off to one of their best starts in years. "Usually we are 0-2 by this point, so picking up a point this early will help us," said a confident Perry Marto. Steve Olson, coming off one of his greatest performances quipped, "Just give me some room to create in the offensive zone and we will score at least 6 tonight. If Mike and Lance get in my way, we could get shut out." The Wackers Dave Roache responded, "Bring it on Oly, I have worked my backwards skating in the off season. I will dominate you!" Look for plenty of action tonight at the PurPur Arena. The Puck drops at 6:00pm. There is a limited amount of standing room only tickets for tonight's tilt. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. The game is also being televised on ESPNU and ESPN 360. The first 100 fans will be in a drawing to use the AED if anyone of the finely tuned athletes go down!

Game Wednesday

Game time is 6:00pm at the Purpur Arena against the Buschwackers

Army Smashed

In what was called one of the ugliest performances of the Army's career. Kelly's defeats the Army 8-3. No more needs to be said.

This Game is Huge

The Red Army takes it 0-0-1 record against Kelly's tonight in the marquee match-up of the Huff-n-Puff League. A few tickets still remain for this game, which is being played at the GF Blue Line club rink at 6:00. The Army has scored 7 goals so far this year, if you count the 4 scored in their exhibition win. Last year it took a month before the Army had that many. "We worked hard on the off-season on putting the "bisket in the basket", Said a confident Lance Norman. Norman continued, "There has been a lot of talk over the years that I would have excepted a trade to Kelly's. Well that is no longer the case. The Army management has righted the ship and this is where I want to play. i know Warner and Gilby will be disappointed, but we can still go out on a date once in a while." The Army will be without the services of defenseman, Todd Schumacher. Schumacher was injured in practice while trying back up around a pylon. The pylon was applauded by the team and will be inserted into the starting line-up. "We will get more production from that Pylon then from Schumacher", said Player/Coach Terry Paukert. Schumacher agreed, "I have been the other teams best player. Maybe being a scratch for tonight will get me re-focused." Steve Olson quickly added, "Not a chance in Hell. We can't wait for Schumacher's contract to end so he can retire!" Call 1-800-REDARMY for your tickets to this mammoth tilt!

Game time

Game against Kelly's on Wednesday at 6:00 at the GF BLC.

Sister Kisser for the Army

The Red Army blew a 3rd period 1 goal lead to tie Caulfield's 3-3 in the opener of the Huff-n-Puff league. The Army received goals from Kurt Comeau, Lance Norman, Mike Anderson and Todd Schumacher. Unfortunately, Schumacher's goal was score on his own goalie as the centered puck deflected off his skate. Schumacher said, "I'm off the hook. I scored in the first game. Who cares if it was against Gilby. Everyone scores on him." Player/Coach Terry Paukert quickly replied, "That goal will not count on his stat sheet. If fact there will be a fined levied by Friday." Paukert playing in his first action in quite some time set up Norman on a beautiful pass that Norman was able to one-time past the Caulfield goalie. "He is "The Pauk"! He still has it," said Len Boucher. Goaltender Josh Gilbertson may have had his finest showing in an Army uniform stopping 53 shots. But Steve Palmiscno was quite vocal in his claim, "If he saves 54 we win. We are not playing these games for ties!" Chad Swendseid agreed, "Anytime Norman and Anderson score in the same game, we have to win. That happens about as much as Halley's Comet coming around." The Army record stands at 0-0-1. The first time the Army has gotten a point in the season opener in 8 years.

game

Game tonight against Caulfield's at 8:15 at the Gambucci. Too Damn busy to write anything else.

Game Nov. 9

Game time is at 8:15 at the Gambucci Arena. Opponent is Caulfield's.

Army wins exhibition game

The Red Army defeated the El Roco last night 4-3. The Army had to play the El Roco after the plane the Brazilian National team was flying was grounded in Chicago, due to a mechanical problem. So the Brazilian's will not be able to play the Army this year. The Army started out in typical fashion getting behind 1-0 after one period. "We gave up one shot in the first and it went in," said Steve Knipe, who had a goal an assist on the night. The Army stormed back in the 2nd to take a lead of 4-1 after 2 frames. Then the real Army showed as they had to hold off a furious El Roco attack in the final 4 minutes to preserve the victory. The Hi-lite of the night was Perry Marto's top shelf goal. Marto said of his goal," I didn't think I could lift it that high?" "We dominated the second period," Said winger Bill Knipe. Knipe continued, "It was a good thing, because we stunk in the 3rd. Luckily we had a defense block 14 shots in the 3rd for us to win the game." Goaltender Josh Gilbertson was happy for all the blocked shots. "I had 6 saves for the night. If the "D" would have blocked all of those shots, we would have gotten beat. I just hope Todd Schumacher's foot is ok. He had the biggest block of the night." X-Rays were negative on Schumacher's foot. So he is listed as day-to-day. The regular season cranks up next week. So call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seat.

Tonight is the Night

The Red Army opens up the exhibition season today against the Brazilian National Team. The game is being played at the Gambucci Arena tonight at 7:00pm. A standing room only crowd is expected as there is a large delegation coming from Brazil. The Brazilian Olympic Organization is hoping to get the Huff-n-Puff league to agree to play an exhibition tourney during the 2016 summer Olympic Games. Brazil is hoping to become a world power in hockey in the next decade and wanted the best league in North America to show the People of Brazil how hockey is played. "We will be leaving Gilby at home," said Steve Palmiscno. "We can't go to Brazil with the worst goalie in the world." Steve Olson quipped, "I hope I can still tie my own skates by 2016." Army management is predicting big things this year. "We are seeing this team as a contender for the league title. I think we could go 16-4 this year," said GM Kevin Kyle. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich doesn't quite agree with Kyle. "Is Kyle hanging out with Cheech and Chong again? This team will be lucky to win a game. Have you seen them with their shirts off. It is NOT a pretty site!"

First Game

The season is upon us. Exhibition will begin Nov. 2nd at the gambucci arena at 7:00 p.m. Bring your oxygen tanks and your AED's.

Rumor Mill

Rumor has it that Mike Anderson and Perry Marto have been traded to the Newfoundland Flyers of the MHL, for a half a roll of tape, 3 pairs of laces and a new Hefty Mamma's magazine. Also rumored is that goaltender Josh Gilbertson has been in training with Vladislav Tretiak all summer long. After hearing this, Shawm McMillan stated, " did he learn Russian, because he will never stop the puck. " More on these rumors soon. The start of the season is a month away. So look out fans.

Question

Is anyone reading the blog during the off season?

Cool Webpage

http://mancaveworldwide.com/about/news/2011/07/18/man-cave-is-grilling-up-growth

Awards Banquet???

Still no word on the awards banquet. What is Marto doing???

Awards Banquet

Sorry, we still don't know when the Red Army Awards banquet will be. We are trying to secure Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux as guess speakers. And we are trying to secure Peter Klima to bring the beer!

Schumacher notches 2 goals in Army win

The Red Army came down to the last period of the year down 4-2 against their arch rival El Roco. That's when Todd Schumacher took over. Schumacher scored twice in the period, including a laser beam top shelf shot with 1:28 left in the game. The line of Steve Olson, Lance Norman and Schumacher scored 3 goals in the frame and showed there dominance in conditioning in manhandling whatever line the El Roco threw out. The pressure was on Schumacher, as he was in jeopardy of not scoring throughout the year. The crowd was abuzz going into the 3rd wondering if Schumacher was going to keep the steak alive. It didn't take long for the capacity crowd to erupt as Schumacher scored 3 minutes into the frame. "I knew I was going to score tonight, it just took a little longer than I thought it would." Schumacher continued, "When the crowd started chanting MVP, MVP, it brought tears to my eyes. They recognize greatness when they see it." Schumacher was very humble when asked to describe the winning goal. "Chad Swendseid made a great play against the wall and got the puck to Kurt Comeau. Kurt lad a perfect pass on my stick and I snap the shot off like Ovechkin." Comeau said, "That is as hard as he has shot the puck in his life. He finally got all 230 lbs behind one. It will never happen again!" Also scoring for the Army were Steve Olson, Shawn McMillan, Lance Norman and Steve Palmscino. This the the 3rd straight game that Olson has scored when playing forward. Olson stated, "Maybe the front office will get it through their minds that I'm a play maker. And if the put Schuey and I together, we will win at least 5 more games. The El Roco couldn't stop us!" The Army really had to suck it up last night as both of the Knipes were missing. This reporter honestly didn't think the Army could play without them. I was wrong. The Army celebrated their win last night at the Ground Round. Hoping the Bill Knipe would be there. The Army would like to thank Perry Marto for picking up the tab for the appetizers. The year end award banquet will be held in a couple of weeks, so stay tuned.

This is the end

The Red Army finally plays their last game of this dismal season as they face off against their arch rival El Roco. The game is being played at the Purpur Arena at 7:15. "We should have been done last week, if it wasn't for UND and making us skip a week. It is all Baron's fault and we are going to take it out on him," said an upset Lance Norman. "We are putting a bounty on Baron. Our owner Darrell Boucher is putting up a case of beer for anyone who takes him out," quipped Lenny Boucher. "Can we take him out and get the beer," answered Baron teammate, Dave Roach. Roach continued, "We could use the beer." The bounty is overshadowing the Schumacher watch. Todd Schumacher has scored a goal in every season of the Huff-n-Puff league that started over 25 years ago. With no goals on the season so far is Schumacher worried. "Not at all," said a confident Schumacher. "Two season's ago I waited until the last game and notched two in the twine. Who says I can't do it again this year." "We do," said the rest of the Army team. Perry Marto continued. "Schumacher is old and decrepit. He couldn't break a pane of glass with his shot." Get your tickets at 1-800-REDARMY for the season finale. Bring your own puke bag!

Army Crushed

The Red Army lost last night 11-2 against Caufields. This is a new low for the Army. With only one game remaining next week, will the Army show up. Nothing else can be said. Schumacher didn't score, though he picked up a helper. The only drama left is, will he score. After last night, this reporter say NO WAY. The lost plummeted the Army to 2-14-2.

Only 2 games left

The Red Army season is almost over. With only 2 games left the players and fans can only look to next year. At 2-13-2, the Army is in one of the greatest tailspins, since the Lions didn't win a game in the NFL a couple of years ago. Tonight they take on Caufields at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. "We are playing for pride, we will not lay down our last two games," said Bill Knipe. Steve Palmiscno chimed in, "We are professionals and will play hard until the final buzzer. If not, no Busch Light after the game." With only 2 games left, the question on everyone's mind is "Will Todd Schumacher score." Schumacher has scored in every season since 1986. A string of 25 years could be coming to an end this year. "As a defensive defensman, I'm not there to put the puck in the net. I'm told not to create like Oly. I know I can, but I do what is best for the team. I have confidence, and am playing well. I don't see a problem in scoring a goal in the last 2 games." Kurt Comeau added, "Not a chance in HELL. Have you ever seen Schuamcher shoot. You can read Made in Canada on the puck. The streak is over and hopefully his career!" Call 1-800-REDARMY to witness history tonight!

Army plays better, still losses

The Red Army finally played a complete game, but still lost 6-4 to Kelly's. Kelly's scored an empty net goal with 30 seconds left in the game. The Army battled back from countless deficits to 5-4 with just over 4 minutes to play. Shawn McMillan hammered in a rebound off a laser shot from Todd Schumacher. The Army was lead by Steve Olson's 2 goals. "Finally the Pauk moved me up front and I have tallied 4 goals in two games. I think we would have at least 4 wins if I had played forward all years," said a confident Olson. Steve Palmiscno scored the other goal for the Army. The line of Bill Knipe, Steve Knipe and Len Boucher were a -4 on the night and just couldn't generate any offense. "We thought without Marto being there we would have had a better chance scoring. I guess he is better than we think," said Steve Knipe. Boucher was quick to answer, "It is not Marto, the line struggles with him. I want to be traded." The loss dropped the Army to 2-13-2. The worst record in the history of the Army. With 2 weeks left in the season, two questions still need to be answered. Will the Army win again and will Todd Schumacher score a goal this year. He was rob tonight on a great shot. Tickets are going fast for the next two games.

When does the season end!!!

The 2-12-2 Red Army looks for a win against Kelly's tonight at 6:00 at the Purpur Arena. Kelly's beat the Army 8-2 last week and are looking for the sweep in the 2 game series. "It will be no problem beating the Army. They should change the team name to the Yellow Army," said Kelly's veteran, Erik Knutson. "We are going to shake the up lineup. We need to try something. We might even put Norman in the net," said Coach Terry Paukert. Shawn McMillan replied, "Just don't have me play with Marto. I will play with the Knipe, but I can't keep up with Marto." Marto answered, "Hey did you see that my son Jake was the defensive player of the week in the WCHA." Obviously Marto has his mind on the game. Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. In fact, no tickets have yet been sold. Please call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Streak Over

Army losses 8-2. They couldn't play without Schumacher, Olson and Swendseid. Nothing else needs to be said!

Army looking to extend streak

The Red Army is looking to win its third game in a row tonight as they take on Kelly's at 5:45 at the Eagles Arena. The Army defeated the Warriors two weeks ago 4-3 and the Danish National Team 6-5 last week in a game at University Park. "I think last weeks game will jump start us for tonight. We scored 6 goals last week, the most all year. We are ready to break out," said Bill Knipe. With only a few weeks left in the season, all the Army can do is play for pride and contracts. Look for Lance Norman, Perry Marto and Chad Swendseid to be at there best the rest of the season. All 3 will have to work on a new contract in the off-season, they are set to expired on April 1.
"I think 2 of the 3 will be back. Not sure about the other. I'm not mentioning names, but his arms just aren't as big anymore," said GM Kevin Kyle. Look for the Army to extend the contract of Lenny Boucher. Boucher has 4 years left on his contract, but the Army wants him for a total of 10 years. This one will get done before the season is over. Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Army Defeats Danish National Team

The Red Army took on the Danish National Team last night at University Park and won 6-5. Matt Palmisnco took the win in net for the Army. This gives the Army a two game winning streak. Who cares if it was just an exhibition. These guys need all the help they can get. Due to the cultural differences between the two teams there were no post game interviews. But this reporter knows the reason the Army won was: No Marto, No Anderson, No Olson, No Gilby and No Sweeny! More next week!

No game this week

UND is using the arenas do to playoffs and ND state hockey.

Army holds on for win

The Red Army defeated the Warrior last night 4-2. The win catapulted the Army to 2-11-2 on the season. The Army looked good from the start, jumping out to a 2-0 lead after one period. Player/coach Terry Paukert moved Steve Olson up to forward with being shorthanded up there (No McMillan, S. Palmiscno, S. Knipe and Anderson). And Olson produced right away as he scored in the first period. "I can play any position. I create better at the blueline, but I'm a natural forward." The Army stretched their lead to 4-0 after two periods. That is when the good old Army took over. They hung on for the win. Goalie Josh Gilbertson played well for 2 periods, then remembered that he plays for the Army and things fell apart, just as the defensive zone coverage did. "Hey, it is a win, we don't get many of these. In a week we will talk about this game as a beat down," said Perry Marto. Lance Norman may have had his best game of the season as he notched a goal and assist. Unfortunately Norman took a stick to the bridge of the nose. There was a hush over the throng of women at the game. "We have the best doctor's in the league. Amazingly, they will make me look even better looking. So ladies, new pictures will be out soon," said Norman.

Deja Vu all over again

The Red Army has a chance to pick up their second win of the year as they take on the Warriors tonight at 6:45 at the Eagles Arena. The 1-11-2 Army's only win of the season came against the Warriors. It was a 4-3 beat down. "With only a few weeks left in the season, this game could propel us into at least 6 place," said Steve Knipe. Look for Shawn McMillan to have a huge night. Coach Terry Paukert is going to increase his playing time tonight. "Shawn gets hampered by having to play with Perry and Bill. So I will double shift him with Lance and Lenny. I think he could get 2 points tonight." McMillan was overheard saying, "Not Lance and Lenny." The Army will be without goal scorer extraordinaire, Mike Anderson. Anderson has two tallies last week, but is out this week do to an injuring involving a Taser. Anderson took a taser shot to the groin and is out indefinitely. Also, Todd Schumacher will be a game time decision. Schumacher is suffering from turf toe and will go out for warmups and see how it goes. Schumacher said of his injury, "This toe would put 95% of the players in this league in the hospital. I give myself a 50-50 chance of playing tonight. My big toe won't keep me out for long. Just call me Sgt. Hulka." Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game. In fact, not a single ticket has been sold. So please call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seat.

Goaltending Change Does Nothing For Army

Despite sitting down starting goaltender Josh Gilbertson, it was the same old thing for the Army. The broken Drum beat down the Army 9-4. The loss drops the Army to a paltry 1-11-2. "The plus side is we tied our output of goals in a game with 4," Said Mike Anderson who tallied twice. Shawn McMillan said," if we could have converted on half of our breakaway attempts we would have tied the game." The Army pressed and pressed in the offensive end and just have been having a difficult time scoring. The Army were without Perry Marto and Steve Palmiscno. This could be the reason for the offensive surge last night. "It was great playing with a center and wing that knew what they were doing," said Bill Knipe. "Those two have hampered my creativity." It looks like Palmiscno could be out for the season. We can only hope for the same for Marto. The Schumacher watch has officially started. Veteran defensman, Todd Schumacher has scored at least one goal in every year he has played in the huff-n-puff league. With only a handful of games will he get it. He says yes, but his teammates say, "not a chance!"

What else is there to write

The Red Army takes on the Broken Drum tonight at 8:15 at the Gambucci Arena. The 1-10-2 Army is in one of the greatest tailspins of all time. They are trying to rival the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Winnipeg Jets and the Detroit Lions. This once proud franchise use to via for the league title year after year. It has been more than 10 years since their last championship. Will the glory years ever come back. I say the only way is for the team to get into a 60 and over league right now. Then maybe in 2 years they can win a title. There is a huge promotion tonight to try to fill the arena. Buy one ticket at regular price and receive 50 free. As on now no tickets have been sold. Call 1-800-REDARMY to be the first and get an autographed picture of the team.

Army losses again 6-2, despite outshooting opponent

For the second week in a row the Army went down 6-2. They also out shot a team for the second time in a row but just couldn't score. It has been the same story all year. The Army just can't finish. Two missed penalty shots and numerous wiffed attempts into open nets plagued the Army last night. "We played well enough to win again. When you can't score and you are pressing, you give up too many odd man rushes," said Lance Norman. Bill Knipe was the most positive after the loss. "We haven't played up to our expectation, we now have to play for pride." Steve Olson answered Knipe from across the locker room. "I play for food. You can't swallow pride." The loss drops the the Army to an all time worse 1-10-2. This once proud franchise seems to be slipping into the twilight and looking for a 43 and over league. Hopefully the Army can turn it around with 7 weeks to go. Missing from last night's action were Steve Palmiscno and Shawn McMillan. You wouldn't have noticed, but the PA announcer let us know of the late scratches.

Late game for the Army

The Red Army takes on Caufield's tonight at 8:30 at the Purpur arena. The Army is having a dismal season and not sure if playing for ride is enough. Playing for a long term contract is. Owner Darrell Boucher is ready to void all contracts and start all over. "These guys have 6 weeks to get there act together or some won't be here next year." GM Kevin Kyle said, "The bad thing is, no one else wants to play for us. No one can fit in the jerseys." Coach Paukert is toying with changing up the lineup. "We may have to change the lines and maybe make some position changes to see if that will give us the spark we need. If not, maybe bringing in more beer will help." Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. There are a lot left!

Not only terrible hockey but horrible reporting.

The previous report of the Army loss was erroneously reported as 6-2. The actual score was 5-2. The Red Army had great jump last night, again out shooting their opponent 48-12. Coach Paukert was asked about the goaltending situation again saying “If I had an empty Coke bottle I would have put that between the pipes. Josh Gilbertson may have had his worst night yet. Again he is handling the puck way too much. This time even shooting the puck off an opponent’s body and into his own net. We are considering putting Anderson back in the net. Well not really.” The lone bright spot in last nights game was the pleasant absence of Todd Schumacher, though McMillan did his best to replicate passing to the other team. Also missing were Ole, Norman, and Marto – nobody complained. The locker room atmosphere after the game was rather somber, as not even Steve Palmo had anything to say to Gilby. It seems this once mighty team has given up. It appears even Schumacher continuous streak of scoring at least 1 goal every year is in serious jeopardy.

Another loss

Army losses 6-2 to Gerrell's. I wasn't at game, so the update is done. Anyone can use the comment tab below to talk about the game.

Can the Army score more than 2 goals tonight

The Red Army takes on Gerrell's tonight at 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The Army has struggled putting the puck in the net. Averaging less than 2 goals a game has player/coach, Terry Paukert concerned, "We know that we have to score at least 5 goals to give us a chance to win. Look at our goalie. So this week in practice we shot 100 puck at day at the shooter tutor. We were able to score on 5. So if we get 100 shots we will win." "Just remember, we can't give up more than 4 shots," quipped a cheerful Lance Norman. The Army still has scouts looking throughout the former Soviet Union. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich has found anyone yet. "It is tough to sign anyone when all you can offer is a used puck bag, 3 rolls of tape and 6 bottles of vodka. Kevin Kyle has my hands tied. Let me offer them a year supply of Borscht, and I think I can get a few guys." A new twist for the Red Army News. Please make your prediction for tonight's game under the comments tab below the article. Closest to the correct score will get a prize courtesy of the Red Army.

Army falls to 1-8-2

The Red Army has fallen to new lows after last night's devastating loss to ACME 3-1. The Army held a 1-0 lead heading into the 3rd period. That lead quickly vanished in 3 shifts. ACME scored on the 1st and 3rd shifts of the period to take a commanding 2-1 lead. An empty netter sealed the win for ACME. "We controlled the first 2 periods. We got up 1-0 in the seconds and went right into the famous Red Army dump and chase. We we poised to get our second victory," said player/coach Terry Paukert. "Every time we get up on a team, we give up a weak goal," said Steve Olson. Acme scored from a shot from the corner to tie it up. The shot went off of Shawn McMillan's stick and unbelievably between Josh Gilbertson legs. When McMillan was asked about the goal he replied, "That is the last time I will back check this year. If I was floating out at center, they don't score!" Josh Gilbertson had no comment on the goal or his play, who ended with 11 saves on the night. Perry Marto wasn't shy from commenting. "I thought Moses was dead. I have never seen a five hole as large as Gilby's. It was the second parting of the Red Sea." This once proud franchise could be on the brink of falling apart unless they start scoring goals. The team is averaging 2.2 goals on the year. GM Kevin Kyle, "With our goaltending and defensive problems, we need to average 6.5 goals a game just to get to the .500 mark. I have sent assistant GM, Paul Markovich, to Siberia to find me some guys that can score!" Right now, the Army could have Alex Ovechkin playing for them and it wouldn't be good enough.

Can the Army get back on Track

The Red Army takes on ACME tonight at 8:30 at the Purpur Arena. The league has begun flex scheduling like the NFL. Though the Huff-n-Puff league is doing the scheduling opposite of what the NFL does. The NFL puts the "so-called" better games on a later time. The Huff-n-Puff is putting the "so-called" crap games on late. League commissioner Brian Purcell stated, "The whole league is crap, but the Army has only one win so they play late. If the win tonight, we can move them to an earlier spot. But the way they are going their next game will be played at midnight." "Maybe Gilby will play better at that time, because he is awful any other time," said a mifffed Steve Palmiscno. For the Army to come out with a victory they will have to score 5 goals. Right now they couldn't put in in the ocean from a small boat. Hopefully the secret practices they have had all week will help. Coach Terry Paukert wouldn't say what happened at the practices, where they were and the time. When asked Paukert only said, "No comment." His best quote all season.

The winning streak is OVER!

The Red Army had their one game winning steak ended last night to the hands of the Broken Drum. The final score was 4-2. Things looked promising for the Army early, as Steve "D 1" Palmiscno scored twice early in the game for the Army. The Army actually held the lead at 2-1 in the 2nd period, but then things fell apart. "I can't do everything," said a disgusted Steve Palmiscno. "I scored twice and set up numerous chances. How can I reach my contract bonuses if my linemates can't put the bisket in the basket." The Army was solid defensively, only giving up 4 sots the first half of the game. But a breakdown in defensive coverage the rest of the game and the Broken Drum scored on 3 of their final 5 shots. Coach Terry Paukert, "With Steve Olson on the injured reserve tonight I had to insert myself into the line up. But it is the same thing game in and game out. We can't give up any shots!" Paukert continued, "If I play again, there is no way I'm partnering up with Schumacher. He is always the other teams best player." Schumacher replied, " I thought I did well. I was only -1 and I didn't wiff on any pucks. That is a huge game stat wise." The loss dropped the Army to a dismal 1-7-2 on the season. Virtually no chance on winning another league title. It has been 12 years since the Army last raise the Huff-n-Puff cup. This reporter doesn't think it will happen again. Unless they can find a league lower, but I think they would have to find a league in a country that doesn't play hockey!

2 in a Row ain't no record

The Red Army looks for 2 wins in a row tonight as they take on the Broken Drum at 8:15 at the Gambucci in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army stunning victory last week, raised their to a sultry 1-6-2. Coach Terry Paukert stated in his weekly press conference. "We are poised to make a second half run at the league title. With only being 4 games back we have the rest of the teams right where we want them. I think we can be a sleeper." I can't see how the Army could be a sleeper. The shear size of this team allows other to see them a block away. "I may not have had my best game last week," said Steve Olson. "But with the goal I scored I think I'm ready to go on a torrid pace. I just hope the forwards are ready, because I will be rushing the puck up every chance I get. I will create tonight!" The biggest thing that the Army faces is, can their 3rd line produce. They are a combined -34 on the year. Coach Paukert has moved veteran center Shawn McMillan in between wingers Mike Anderson and Lance Norman. McMillan reluctantly accepted the roll. "The coach said I don't have to play defense. That is what my wingers are for. Just get me the puck and I will score 3 tonight. I think it is better than playing will Bill and Marto." Not very many tickets remain. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available.

Finally a win

The Red Army defeated the Warriors for their first win of the season 4-3. Goals by Kurt Comeau, Mike Anderson, Steve Olson and Bill Knipe. Yeh that is right, Bill scored. The Army dominated the game from the drop of the puck as Comeau scored on the first shift. The Army did struggle to score as the first period ended at 1-0. The Army had a 15-1 shot advantage. The Warriors did tie it mid-way through the 2nd and Steve Olson got beat on a pinch and the warriors scored on a breakaway. That goal seemed to get the Army going. Mike Anderson answered to make it 2-1 after 2. Then the Army scored twice in the first 3 minutes of the third to take a 4-1 lead. "We thought we would be able to coast the last ten minutes of the game. They couldn't generate anything until the last five minutes. Olson and Gilbertson should feel shamed by the way they tried to give the Warriors the game," said Steve Palmiscno. Perry Marto added, "We expected it from Gilby, but we never thought Ole would play like Schumacher!" The win raised the Army record to 1-5-2 on the season. It looks like the new year could bring good things to the Army. The best was the absence of Shawn McMillan last night. GM Kevin Kyle said that Shawn "Vince Young" McMillan may possibly be put on waivers, but as Kyle said, "No one will claim him and we will most likely have to keep him!"

baron

a little note from chris you gus suck? we are going for are first win to. we hope shu is in the line up tonight. so cuch can smoke his ass. we are not worried about billy ether. he is a shadow of the man he use to be. we heard flaagan wes man handeling him last game? looser byes the beer after the game. thank you very much.

"Warriors come out and play"

The second half of the season starts tonight as the Red Army takes on the Warriors in Huff-n-Puff action. The game is at 8:00 pm at the Eagles Arena. Many questions surround the 0-5-2 Army. The biggest questions is will the Army win a game this year. The odds at the Hilton in Las Vegas has the Army at 3-1 not to win a game. Other questions are abound. Will Josh Gilbertson get his save percentage over 66%. Will Perry Marto score more goals than his son Jake. Will Shawn McMillan have to play with Marto and Bill. Will Todd Palmisnco make it through the year without snapping. Will Steve Knipe Play his position. Will Lance Norman toughen up and quit playing like a sissy. Will Len Boucher wear the "Brown". Will Terry Paukert play again. Will Chad Swendseid use his socks again. Will Steve Olson see his feet. Will Steve Palmiscno pass it to Todd Schumacher. Will Kurt Comeau pass the puck to someone without having them yell for the pass. Will Mike Anderson Shoot Kurt instead of tazing hime. Will Bill Knipe allow anyone else to order the post game meal. Finally, WILL TODD SCHUMACHER SCORE THIS YEAR TO KEEP THE STREAK ALIVE!