No Game on December 30

The Red Army will be back in action on January 6.

Defense Leads Army To Win

The Red Army defeated the GFAFB last night 5-3 to finish the first half of the season at 3-4. The Army's defensemen lead the charge. Steve Olson and Chad Swendeid each had goals and Todd Schumacher chipped in with 2 helpers. "When we get our talented defensemen creating offense, we are tough to beat," said Perry Marto. "I just played my normal game, I'm just here too help the team," said a confident Schumacher. The Army is off until Dec. 30. The Army is hoping to get injured forward Shawn McMillan back after off-season shoulder surgery. The addition of McMillan could propel the Army to the top. It will give them 2 top scorers in McMillan and Mike Anderson. No word when Steve Palmiscno will be back after "wrist" surgery. That surgery is keeping him out of the 40 and over world championships. The only other Army player invited to the camp is Steve Olson. So the Army could be without his services when the 30th rolls around. The Army wishes all of it fans to have a Merry Christmas. The Red Army news will return in 2 weeks.

World War Three: USSR vs GFAFB

The biggest question of the night is will the Red Army wave the Soviet Flag before tonight's game against the Grand Forks Air Force Base. Security is on high alert as the Army is expected to put the crowd into a frenzy as they wave the communist flag. "The crowd may go a little psycho, but when they see us play, they will start to laugh," said coach Terry Paukert. The Army is hoping to climb within one game of the .500 mark before the holiday break. "We are a little worried if we lose tonight, the holiday buffets will take a toll on the Army," said a worried GM Kevin Kyle. Kyle continued, " I know these guys are finely tuned athletes, but they are human. If they see a tray of Bon-Bons they could easily devour the whole plate." Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets.

No Comeau, No Palmiscno, No Chance

The shorthanded Red Army was beat 4-1 last night against Gerrell's. The Army couldn't muster any offense without their top 2 scorers, Kurt Comeau and Steve Palmiscno. Both are out with injuries. Palmiscno had surgery on his arm after accidentally getting his hand in front of the bonless wing plate that was sitting in front of Steve Olson last week at Grizzlies. Palmiscno suffered damage similar to Carpel Tunnel Syndrome and will be out until after the Christmas break. This is a big disappointment for Palmiscno, "I was really looking forward in playing in the 40 and over World Championships that are being held with the World Juniors. I was going to play with Mike Modano and Pat Lafontaine." Comeau was also expected to play in the tourney but a hang nail will kep him out of action for possibly a month. The only other member of the Army on the 40 and over team is Lance Norman. Lance his lit it up the last 3 weeks and is Palmiscno's replacement. "It will be an honor to put on the Red, White and Blue." Unknown to Norman, his citizenship was rejected by the U.S. and traded to Latvia. More on this story next week.

Army Has Late Game Tonight

With the Army playing at 9:00 pm tonight(EGF BLC Arena), ESPN 8, The Ocho, is planning on covering the game live tonight. Chris Berman said, "With the late start and the extremely cold weather, we just don't want to see the Army Faithful have any troubles trying to get to the game. We are pushing back WPBA bowling 90 minutes to televise this huge game." The Red Army takes on Gerrell's in a game that can put the Army at .500. The cold temps outside will garner some colder temps inside the EGF BLC Arena. "How can I create when my toes are frozen," said Steve Olson. "It will take me until the 3rd period to warm this big body up." Kurt Comeau added, " I just hope I can find my electric socks, I'm not that tough." Mayor Lynn Stauss said, "We will try to do anything we can to make the Army happy. Extra heaters are being brought in. We can't lose the Army, they may actually make the city money. I just hope we can hide it so Pawlenty doesn't take it." Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets if you are dumb enough to come out in this cold weather.

Army Crushes Broken Drum

The Red Army had the biggest goal outburst in 4 years as they defeated the Broken Drum 9-1. Lance Norman and Mike Anderson each scored goals in the win. "If those guys score, we know we are in trouble," said Broken Drum center Jamie Spicer. "No one in the league accounts for those guys." The Army finally got a good performance out of Goaltender Josh Gilbertson. "When Gilbertson plays like that, Swenny and I can create lots of offense," said defenseman Steve Olson. Olson continued, "That is what the Army pays me to do. I earned every appetizer they feed me tonight." Lost in the night was Kurt Comeau again missing a penalty shot. Comeau has missed 47 consecutive shots. "So what that he can score in traffic. He is going to cost us a game down the road," said Mike Anderson. The Army upped its record to 2-3 on the year. They take on Gerrell's next week to get their record to the .500 mark.

Will the Army Bounce Back

The Red Army is at it again tonight at 8:15 tonight as they take on the Broken Drum at the Gambucci Arena. The will be an uphill battle, as the Army has never defeated the Broken Drum. "We beat Kelly's for the first time 2 weeks ago, so maybe it is our turn," said Todd Palmiscno. "What are you talking about turns, this isn't Park Board hockey, no one has turns. We have to play at a high level to beat anyone in this league," said Coach Terry Paukert. The Army is still without their leading scorer from last year, Shawn McMillan. As you remember, McMillan was inked to a 15 year deal last spring. McMillan had off season shoulder surgery after a freak accident in the Burger king playland. It involved the ball bin, french fry oil and the doublemint twins. That is the only information this reporter could get out of Army GM Kevin Kyle. Kyle in an official statement said, "We stand by McMillan. We understand he did nothing wrong. We also want to say that Tiger Woods was in attendance but did not participate in the ball bin. He was just there to drive McMillan home." Get your tickets at 1-800-REDARMY.

Norman and Schumacher Score in Army Loss

Despite getting goals from Lance Norman and Todd Schumacher, the Red Army rally from a 2 goal deficit fell short. The Army lost to the El Roco 5-3 in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army trailed 3-1 going into the third period, but that is when Norman and Schumacher picked up their game. Norman scored early in the third to cut the deficit to 3-2. "If Norman's goal isn't the #1 play on ESPN tonight I may never watch Sportscenter again," said Coach Terry Paukert. Then a few minutes later the earth stopped rotating when Todd Schumacher shoveled a backhand in to tie the game. "I'll take it. The streak is still alive," said Schumacher. The streak that Schumacher is talking about is scoring at least on goal each year he has played in the Huff-n-Puff league. "We have it in his contract that if he doesn't score during the year he has to retire," said GM Kevin Kyle. The El Roco scored twice more in the third after the Army had tied it up. "Gilbertson has to make those saves after we battled back from two goals. 6 saves a game just doesn't hack it in this league," screamed Steve Palmiscno. Palmiscno (1G,2A on the night) continued, "If we have to rely on Norman and Schumacher scoring, then the goalie needs to make some saves."

It doesn't get any bigger than tonight

Not since Tim and Mark Lykken donned the CCCP Jersey has a game had this much meaning. Not only is the game for the trophy, the booth and bragging rights for the year. Tonight's game against El Roco has even more meaning. Tonight's game is a loser leave town match. Tickets for this mammoth tilt are going fast. With the game time at 7:00 (Eagles Arena) a huge crowd is expected. Call 1-800-REDARMY. If the Army loses, Perry Marto will have to leave town and retire from the Red Army. It is the same for the El Roco. If they lose Brian "Baron" Purcell will have to do the same. Strategy is the same on both sides. "Let's lose we will help Marto pack his bags," says Lance Norman. Paul Endres of the El Roco said, "We already have Whalen's Moving and Storage at Baron's house." Neither Baron or Marto were reached for comment. GM of the Army Kevin Kyle, "I think both teams are hoping for a tie so that both can be sent packing. Both of these guys have worn out there welcome in the Huff-n-Puff League." Dave Roach agreed with Kyle. "If I can get rid of Baron I can stay in Mexico for 2 weeks!"

Who Needs McMillan or Anderson

The Red Army picked up there first win of the year over Kelly's 6-5. Kelly's jumped out to a 2-0 lead early in the 1st period and it looked like the old Army had came to play. On Kelly's 2nd goal, Army defensmen, Todd Schumacher, had a picture perfect pass to Tyler Gibbs. Too bad Gibbs plays for Kelly's. Schumacher and the Army got better after that. The Army took a 4-2 lead into the third period on two goals each by Steve Palmiscno and Kurt Comeau. Palmiscno and Comeau both finished of their hat ricks in the third. It was by far the best Palmiscno had played in the past 2 years. "I was afraid for my life" said Palmiscno. "Tim Loven was trying to hurt me every chance I got the puck. It is the hardest I've skated in 20 years." "Our goal was to stop Gilbertson, Warner and Hugo," said Steve Olson. "We were able to take away their best three players and Schumacher only had one assist for the other team." Army goalie Josh Gilbertson finished with 4 saves on the night. As for McMillan and Anderson, GM Kevin Kyle is mum on their whereabouts. The rumor out there is they were both sent to the minors in Kiev to hone their skills. "I like big Russian women," was reportedly the last comment heard from McMillan as he boarded the plan to Kiev.

Is The First Win Going To Be Tonight????

The big question of the day is, "Will the Army win a game?" After 2 embarrassing losses to start the year, lots a questions are still out there. Will Josh Gilbertson make a save? Will Todd Schumacher pass to his own team. Will Steve Palmiscno regain his D1 form? Will Perry Marto win a face-off? Will Bill Knipe hit the net? Will Todd Palmiscno take more than a 30 second shift? Will Kurt Comeau score on a penalty shot? And the biggest question, will Shawn McMillan show up for a game? These questions an more can be found out tonight at 7:45 at the EGF Blue Line Arena, when the Red Army takes on defending conference champ Kelly's. Call 1-800-REDARMY for your tickets.

At Least The Army Scores In 8-5 Loss

The Red Army dropped to 0-2 on the season to the hands of Caufield's 8-5. The Army had a 3-2 lead in the second period before giving up 5 straight to find themselves down 7-3 with 13 minutes left in the game. The Army cut the lead 7-4 a minute later, but coach Terry Paukert sent Todd Schumacher out and Caufield's promptly scored to make it 8-4. Schumacher was -6 on the night. "That was the worst game that I ever played in my hallowed career," said a stunned Schumacher. Steve Palmiscno, quickly added, "Why don't you retire from this team too!" It doesn't get any easier for the Army next week as they take on defending regular season champ Kelly's. Unless there is a drastic shakeup, the Army could be 0-3 after at 3-0 start last year.

Army looks for better performance tonight

The Red Army is looking for a better effort after getting trounced 7-0 last week. Tonight's game is against Caufield's at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. "Maybe the earlier start will get us going," said Lance Norman. "It will keep us out of the buffet line until after the game." The Army will not have the services of veteran defensman Steve Olson. Olson was injured after the game. Details of the injury are a little foggy at this time. The Army is stating that it is an upper body injury. Do to league rules that is all that has to be stated. This reporter has learned that Olson has a growth in his mid section. But nothing has been leaked out. When this question was asked to Bill Knipe, Knipe chuckled, "It is his stomach. He summered well with cheeseburgers and pizza. Can you say Jenny Craig!" Plenty of tickets remain for tonight's game in the upper bowl. The lower bowl is sold out. Contact 1-800-REDARMY for the best available ticket.

Where are they Now

Here is what all the Red Army fans have been waiting for. If you have ever wondered what happened to your favorite player that use to don the old red CCCP jersey's, just sit back and enjoy the article.

Kevin Kyle: No longer a player, but the GM of the most popular team in the Huff-n-Puff Leauge. GM of the year for not picking up any players for 10 years. He is also the greatest screen printer in the upper midwest.

Landis Stoltman: Was part of the original team. Trade to the state of Washington for a box of apples. Now lives in Seattle and works for microsoft. He is working on having Bill gates become an Army supporter and sponsor. At least a few cases of beer would be good.

Chad "Pucks and Sticks" Hanson: One of the Army's greatest Defensmen. Chad retired before his prime, way before. Now Living in Moorhead, training athletes the Army way.

Mike "The Greek Streak" Matiatos: Whereabouts unknown, last know address was somewhere in Alaska. Apparently starred in "Mystery,Alaska" as the Zamboni driver.

Terry Wynne: Greatest goalie the Army ever had. Still has the record for most saves in a game, 79 in Silver Bay, Mn. Now a firefighter in GF. Looks likes he can still take the heat.

Jeff Hegg: Second best Army goaltender. Had the longest tenure of any goalie. (No one can survive with no defense) Lives in Brainerd and works as an electrician. Still has nightmares of the Sunday 7:45 am games.

Pete WWWWWHalen: The original tough guy for the Army. Had a tryout for the LA Kings, but didn't realize that you really need to know how to skate to play hockey.

Paul Markovich: Original coach for the Army. No one could understand him, as he talked in Russian. Still works for the Army as Kevin Kyle's assistant. While living in Oakland, he is in charge of scouting in the west. He just can't find any overweight, slow white guys that can play Army style hockey.

Toby Palmiscno: Goalie that was the only player sent to the minors. Now in Bemidji trying to find himself. It will take a while.

Mark Lykken: Was the leading scorer for the Army in the years of 1986-1988. An main cog of the early Army. Has bettered himself as cop Fargo. trying to make a comeback playing for the Fargo Force.

Rahn Ford: Long time coach of the Army. Working on getting his credentials back to come back as the Army coach.

Terry Paukert: Semi-retired player coach of the Army. Pauks goal is to play a few games after sitting out most of the year, last year. Though doesn't want to have Schumacher as a partner.

This is the list so far. I know I'm missing a few. They will be updated in upcoming weeks of the Red Army News.

Army Embarrassed

The Red Army was spanked like a red headed step child 7-0 last night to the hands of Rumors. It was the worst opening performance the Army has had in the 25 year existence of the team. "We stunk, plain and simple," said a robust Steve Olson. Olson continued, "We need to dig deep, we could seriously go 0-20 this year." Steve Palmiscno answered, "So what, is the beer cold? And if Gilbertson make 7 more save it is a tie." Gilbertson finished with 56 save on the night. The Army was without Shawn McMillan last night as the secret service would let him in the building past the 6:00 pm deadline for players. McMillan had to sit in the stands and watch the game. McMillan said, "I almost threw up watching that game. I didn't realize how slow and bad we really are!" The Army takes on Caufield's next Wednesday at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. Plenty of tickets are still available

The Puck Drops Tonight

The Red Army Season is finally here. After months of anticipation, your favorite, overweight hockey team is ready to lace up the blades. Hopefully for some (Marto) for the last season. The Army takes on rumors tonight at 7:15 at the Blue Line Club Arena. Many dignitaries are to be in attendance for tonight's game. Those include: both mayors of GF and EGF, numerous city council members, VP Joe Biden and his guest Sarah Pallin. Pallin will drop the ceremonial opening puck at tonight's game. "I can't wait to see Pallin in person", said an excited Kurt Comeau. "She is the bomb." Though Comeau may think that, we all know that Perry Marto will be taking the opening draw, so Comeau will be nowhere near the former VP candidate. Security will be high so get to the game at least 60 minutes before the drop of the puck. The Army has been told to keep Shawn McMillan away from Pallin oldest daughter. "We know how she falls hockey players and we don't want an interstate incident," said a Pallin spokesperson. McMillan quipped, "I do all my scoring on the ice, she has nothing to worry about!" Call 1-800-REDARMY for the limited tickets available.

Coming Soon

Have you wondered what happened to Chad "Pucks and Sticks" Hanson or Mike "The Greek Streak" Matiatos? Look in the next few weeks for the "Where Are They Now" write up in the Red Army News. It will be like revisiting the 80' all over again!

McMillan Signs 15 Year Contract

Army forward, Shawn McMillan, has just been signed to an unprecedented 15 year contract. McMillan will be 57 when his contract expires. "I want to win a championship. I figure it will take 15 years with this club," said a happy McMillan. Details of the contract weren't readily available. But it is known that there are 3 clauses in place. Number 1: He never has to play with Marto. Number 2: Hair Club for Men has become a major team sponsor. Number 3: McMillan will receive 1% of all tickets sold during the season. Last year he would have gotten $.37. GM Kevin Kyle, "We can now build around McMillan. That is if we can get any of these guys to retire. All I now is we are not buying new jersey's, so the replacements will have to have some size."

Olson is Army's tough man

Steve Olson has received the Red Army Tough Man award. It is the 3rd award for Olson. He was a run away winner. Last year's winner, Kurt Comeau said, "He was the heart and sole of the team. Not only is he tough, but he can create like no other person on the team." Olson said, "Next year I will win all of the awards or I will retire." Perry Marto quipped, "That goes for me too." Right after that statement, Owner Darrell Boucher claimed that Marto will win all of the awards next year no matter what the fans vote says.

Palmiscno Named Defensman of the Year

Todd Palmiscno was named the Red Army Defensemen of the year for the for time in his career. Narrowly defeating 3 time defending award winner Steve Olson. Olson was gracious in defeat. "Palmiscno is a good choice. He had a great year. He only passed it to the other team twice a game instead of his usual 4 times a game." Olson continued, "I would have won the award for a 4th time in a row if the forwards could have scored on my precision passing to them. I tired of creating and no one putting it in the net. A stunned Palmiscno said, "I can't believe I won this award. The other 3 guys are much better than me. This award was huge, even Kevin was happy for me. He took the day off because of the joy he felt."

Norman Wins Red Army MVP

In one of the most lopsided votes in Red Army history, Lance Norman was named team MVP for the 2008-2009 season. Norman returned from behind the bench and a 3 year absence to lead the Army to their first winning season in years. "He was the spark that we needed. Not everyone in the league brushes their teeth after every game," said runner-up, Shawn McMillan. McMillan continued, " I just hope I can play on his line next year." Perry Marto quipped, " I was robbed, I'm the true MVP of the team and of this league. I want a trade." GM Kevin Kyle answered, "No one will take him." More awards will be announced next week.

Vote for your MVP

Vote for your Red Army MVP. Your vote will count for 20% of the vote total when the Red Army MVP is announced next week.

Marto stays with the Army

Perry Marto was not traded to Bemidji as reported last week. The Army actually inked Marto to a 5 year contract. GM Kevin Kyle said "We just couldn't part with Marto. He has been a valuable part of the Army for 25 years. I think our fan based would have sufffered." Shawn McMillan added, "I can't believe it. Marto gets 5 years for scoring 4 goals this year. I get 2 as the leading scorer. Kevin Kyle needs to retire!" This reporter has found out through governmental channels that Marto couldn't get traded to a Minnesota based team. When Gov. Pawlenty heard of the proposed trade, he called an emergency session of the legislature. The Perry Marto law was past. It will not let Marto stay in the state of Minnesota for more than 5 straight days. If he is found in the state for more than five days he will get deported back to North Dakota. So to save the embarrassment of this interstate situation, the Army signed Marto to the long term deal to keep relations between the two states on an even keel.

Marto No Longer with Army??

Red Army's Perry Marto, was disappointed when his son's team lost to New Hampshire last weekend. (His son Jake plays for UND) So in order to go to the final four. Perry Marto has been traded to an undisclosed team in Bemidji. The only thing that is tying up the trade is Marto needs to pass a physical. Once he does, his new team will send him directly to Washington DC to watch the Beavers play in the Frozen Four. Shawn McMillan on hearing about the trade, "It is great that we got rid of Marto, did we at least get a used puck bag for him." Steve Palmiscno added, "Army fans don't get your hopes up, there is no way he will pass the physical." More on this next week.

Year end awards dinner

Shawn McMillan has informed the Red Army News of upcoming Red Army awards dinner. The dinner is at Teasers in Winnipeg beginning at 7:00. The dinner is open to the public. Donations of $1 and $20 will be excepted. Please no Loonies or Tunnies, they won't fit in the straps. The Army plane left this morning for Winnipeg and is expected to come back sometime on Monday if they aren't detained by the border patrol.

Army loses in a shootout

The Red Army fell to Gerrell's last night 6-5 in a shootout in the Huff-n-Puff 3rd place game. All three Army shooters, Mike Anderson, Steve Olson and Todd Schumacher failed to score and the Army lost the shootout 1-0. Injured Army player Shawn McMillan said, "I told all 3 of those guys to make a move on them. But what do they do? They shot the puck. No wonder those guys only have 5 goals between the 3 of them." The Army did battle back from a 5-1 deficit in the second period and tied it at five with 26 second left. "That was true Army heart. In a game that didn't matter, we went out and competed. We knew all of our contract incentives were tied into the championship game, but now management can see how dedicated we are," Said Perry Marto. On a side note Marto lost the goal scoring challenge to his son Jake by 2 goals. The Army is looking for even better things next year. Steve Palmiscno added,"If we can only find a goalie that will make 60 games a year, I know we can win it all." Post season awards will be coming out soon.

Army goes for 3rd

The Red Army takes on Gerrell's tonight at the Purpur Arena, game time is 7:15. With the Green Wave girls basketball team playing in the state tournament tonight, their are plenty of tickets available for the game. It is a buy 1 get 5 free promotion for the game. This is the first time that the Red Army has been upstaged by another sporting event in the Grand Cities. The Army players are shocked. Steve Olson states, "I don't know anyone that would rather watch a great high school basketball team with in shape athletes, compared our team of larger than normal humans." GM Kevin Kyle stated it the best, "Since I retired from playing , the Army just isn't that big of a draw. Not even bringing back Lance Norman can help." Much more on the post game report tomorrow.

Army upset in Semis

The Red Army's Cinderella season came to an end last night with a loss to Caufield's 3-1. The Army trailed the entire game. The Army started the 3rd period down 2-1, with a goal from Perry Marto (He now trails his son Jake by 2 goals), but that is as close as they could get. The Army will play for 3rd place next week against Gerrell's at 7:15 at the Purpur Arena. "We just couldn't get anything going, I think this loss goes to McMillan for getting injured," said Bill Knipe. "Gilbertson should have shut them out," said Steve Palmiscno. "We scored one goal, that should be enough, especially when it is Marto." The Army suffered only its second loss of the new year. Their record since the beginning of 2009 is 7-2-1. These numbers haven't been seen in 13 years, the last time the Army won the league. "This is most likely are last chance, we are getting too old. Oly can only create for a year or two more." said coach Terry Paukert.

Army vs ?????

All I know is that the Army plays at 7:00 at the Gambucci. Against who, I have no idea. This is all you get. Damn snowplows!

Army Blows Out El Roco

The Red Army played their most complete game of the year last night, defeating the El Roco 10-2. The Army actually scored on their first shift of the game and never looked back, taking a 4-1 lead after 1 period. The Army stretched it to 6-1 after 2, coasting in the third. The Army was lead by Steve Olson. Olson was a plus 9 on the night, a Huff-n-Puff league record for plus/minus in one game. Olson stated, "When you can keep Palmiscno and Schumacher on the bench, we get things done." Schumacher was even on the night and Palmiscno was a plus 1. Lance Norman, fresh off his cruise last week, took a period to get his sea legs back tallied two goals and had two assist. Linemate Mike Anderson chipped in 4 assists. "Kurt Comeau actually passed the puck tonight and we were able to score," said Anderson. The Army lost veteran center Shawn McMillan last night to an injury. The injury came after the game in the locker room celebration. McMillan hurt his shoulder and looks like he will be having surgery on Friday. The details of the injury are sketchy. But reports have McMillan and Chad Swenseid staying late with the Army cheerleaders with strawberries and whipped cream. More on this next week. The Army will be playing next Wednesday at 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. They will be taking on the winner between Rumors and Caufield's. The game got over after this edition of the Red Army news went to press.

2nd Season Starts Tonight

The Huff-n-Puff Tourney starts tonight with a slate of four games. The featured game of the night is the first contest. It has the Red Army facing off against their biter rivals, the El Roco. The game is at the Eagles Arena at 5:45. The game is also being broadcast on the FSSN. The Army and El Roco split a pair of game this season. The El Roco won the first game 1-0 and the Army came back in the second to win 4-1. This game is for all the marbles. Both teams have locked the media out of the locker rooms and practice facilities. Neither team wants any bulletin board material. Though there is rumors that if the El Roco loses tonight that Brian "Baron" Purcell will retire from playing the game. If this rumor is true, look for the El Roco to throw the game. Former Army player, Landis Stoltman said, "If Perry Marto made that comment, I know the rest of the team wouldn't show up for the game." There are a limited amount of Standing Room Only tickets remaining for the game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Controversy Surrounds Tie

The Red Army tied Gerrell's last night 4-4. The Army started out sluggish and found themselves down 3-1 after the first frame. They battled back to take a 4-3 in the third. Gerrell's tied the game on a questionable penalty shot. Steve Palmiscno was whistled for throwing his stick. On the play Palmiscno was breaking into open ice and a pass from Todd Schumacher was just a bit in front of him. Palmiscno appeared to loose his stick as he was reaching for the puck. "I was using McMillan's back up stick, I wasn't used to the knob and the stick accidentally slipped out of my hand." Schumacher stated, "It is my fault, I thought Palmo was faster since he played division 1 hockey." Palmiscno snapped back, " Gilbertson has to make a save!" The other questionable goal was scored by Gerrell's on a non icing call. Referee, Derek Sheppard, went to blow the whistle for the infraction and then was distracted by George Gwazdecky swinging a stick in the crowd. Josh Cichy promptly pick up the puck and shoveled it into the open net. "I can't believe Sheppard can't even keep up with this league," Said Coach Terry Paukert. The playoffs start next week with a marquee first round match-up. The Red Army takes on the El Roco. The game is at 5:45 at the Eagles Arena. Tickets will go on sale starting Saturday morning at 10:00. call 1-800-REDARMY for yours.

Win Could Propel Army Into Playoffs

The Red Army faces off with Gerrell's tonight at 5:45 at the Eagles Arena. The last time these two met, the Army blew a 4 goal lead. The game ended in a 5 all tie. It is one of two blemishes during 2009. The Army is also going after there 8th win of the season. They haven't had that many wins since the last time Steve Olson could see his feet. With a win tonight the Army could lock up the #2 seed going into the playoffs next week. There are a couple of games to watch to determine seedings. Coach Terry Paukert said, "I can't believe these guys are playing this well? I think they have a good 10 years left in them." Steve Olson snapped back, "Only if we have 8 defensemen on the team will I play for another 10 years." There are plenty of tickets left do to the game being moved into the Eagles Arena. The Red Army ticket office will release 2,000 tickets starting at 10:00am. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available seat.

Army Back on Track

The Red Army spotted Caufield's an early 1-0 lead but dominated after to post a 5-2 win. "Caufield's came out smokin' they got the early goal, but our superior conditioning took over," said a chiseled Todd Schumacher. The Army should have won the game by 8 goals if Bill Knipe could have capitalized on his chances. His brother Steve said, "He could put it in the ocean from a small boat." Bil countered by saying, "It is tough to get a grip on your stick when there is Red Pepper White Sauce on it!" The Army saw the return of Shawn McMillan and Mike Anderson. Mike was sent down to the minors last week to hone his game. "It didn't help," Said Kurt Comeau. McMillan sat out last week do to the Army dragging its feet over his contract negotiations. McMillan said that he and the Army have come to a verbal agreement. "I never have to start the game or play on Marto's line was my main contention in the new contract. I also get to line up at the buffet dinner's before the game ahead of Schumacher, Knipe and Olson." Only one more week before the playoffs start. And the Army is looking playoff savvy. Game time change is in the works for next week. Instead of a 9:30 tilt the game against Gerrell's may be played at 5:45 at the Eagles Arena. More on this as details become clearer.

Army looks to rebound

The Red Army takes on Caufield's tonight at 8:30 at the Blue Line Rink. The Army defeated Caufield's earlier this year 1-0 in one of the Greatest Huff-n-Puff games ever played. Both Goalies had more than 40 saves. Len Boucher was the lone goal scorer. So look for the same tonight!

Norman survives, Army doesn't

The Red Army was defeated by Kelly's last night 6-2. It was the first loss in almost 2 months for the lackluster Army. "We couldn't generate any offense," said Army winger Steve Palmiscno. Palmiscno continued, "You know your in trouble when Perry Marto scores both goals." Those 2 goals by Marto now put him 3 behind his son Jake, who plays for UND, in the Marto family goal scoring cup. The other disappointment of the night was that Lance Norman survive the onslaught of attempts to take him out of the game. Layers from both teams tried to line up Norman, to hopefully end his career. "This just shows the skill and toughness that I have. It is tough being one of the elite players in this league. I think I'm one of the top 3 players in the state," said a relieved Norman. Kelly's defensmen Mike LaMoine said, "We couldn't get Norman because he was never around the puck. He was looking for doors throughout the rink so he wouldn't get hurt. I wouldn't even have him tie my shoes." Right after the game, Army director of scouting, Rahn Coleman-Ford, said that he had a prospect that he found in Prince Edward Island. All Coleman-Ford would say is that the player put Steve Olson and Bill Knipe to shame. More on this next week.

Will the Army stay undefeated in 2009?

The Red Army takes on Kelly's tonight at 5:45 at the Gambucci Arena. The buzz word around the Huff-n-Puff league is, "who is going to take out Lance Norman?" In a little know codicil of the Huff-n-Puff bylaws, when the management of both teams agree, a bounty can be put on a player. Either team can claim the bounty. So last week when Kelly's Player, Todd Warner place a bounty on the head of Army player Lance Norman, Army management jumped at the opportunity to finally get rid of Norman. "Who cares about the game. If someone takes care of Norman in the first five minutes I will double the bounty," said proud Owner of the Army Darrell Boucher. League officials have told the game officials to look the other way when any action on Norman takes place. Tickets for the game are going fast. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours. No need to call 911 tonight as Stennes funeral home will be at the game!

Army stays undefeated in 2009

The Red Army defeated Rumors last night 4-2 to run their 2009 record to 4-0-1. The Army was lead by goal scorers; Lance Norman, Steve Knipe, Len Boucher and Bil Knipe. Shawn McMillan also tallied 3 assists. "I'm tired of carrying this team without being considered for a raise on my contract extension," said a volatile McMillan. He continued, "I'm leading the team in scoring and all I get from Kyle (GM KEvin Kyle) is a pat on the back." The Army played without the Perry Marto and Steve Palmiscno. Both were scratched from the line-up for health reasons. This reporter has learned that Marto hurt his knee, not in practice as was listed on the line-up card. He injured his knee trying to see if his tool belt still fit. As he tried to put the belt on, which was 3 sizes to small, Marto stepped on a Zep Grinder and fell to the floor. Agonizing in pain. Army Coach, Terry Paukert said, "The grinder just had too much white sauce on it and Perry just lost control." As for Palmiscno, no one knows his whereabouts. He was not at the game and repeated calls to his home revealed nothing. An unconfirmed source, place Palmiscno somewhere in California. Obviously, as a Steelers fan, he thought that Pittsburgh is in California.

Army looks to go 2 games over .500

The Red Army takes on Rumors tonight at 7:15 at the Blue Line Arena. This is all, off to a meeting. Better update tomorrow.

Army defeats El Roco 4-1

The Red Army played there most complete game of the season, knocking off the El Roco 4-1. After spotting the Buschwackers an early 1-0 lead. (They scored on the first shift) The Army defense took over. The Wackers goalie was stellar early. The Army didn't solve him until midway through the second period. The Army lead 2-1 after two and scored 2 more in the third to get the win and propel their record to 5-4-1. This has to be the comeback story of the year in sports. "The biggest thing that help us tonight was the absence of Wacker defensmen Dave Roche. He has dominated us over the years. He is the sole reason we didn't score the first time we played them," Said Army defense, Todd Palmiscno. Wacker forward Jerry Lundby added, "When Ro-Chee is out there we never have to worry about anyone going wide. It is tough to get around someone that is wider than they are tall." The Army finally got a decent performance out of goalie, Josh Gilbertson. "One game out of 10 isn't bad," said Army winger Steve Palmiscno.

Game Time Change

Due to overwhelming fan support the Red Army vs El Toco game has been moved up to handle the overflowing crowd expected for tonight's game. The game is now scheduled for 7:00 at the Gambucci Arena. Both teams have a gag order for tonight's game. Inside sources from both teams are even tight lipped. The first game between these two rivals went the way of the Buschwackers, 1-0. Don't expect that to happen again, as the Army has scored 11 goals in their last two games. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets.

Army doesn't lose lead this time

The Red Army defeated Overtime 5-2 in Huff-n-Puff action last night. The Army lead 5-2 going into the third period, but this week didn't let a 3 goal lead slip away. The Army was lead by Lance Norman's 2 goals. Yes Lance scored twice. "What is more amazing then Lance scoring 2 goals, is that Kurt Comeau passed the puck twice to garner 2 assists," said Steve Palmiscno (who also tallied a goal). Also scoring for the Army was Perry Marto. "All you guys that said I wouldn't score this year, take that," screamed a jubilant Marto. "All we have to do is change are vote to one goal and we will be correct," said Steve Olson. Marto is still 3 goals behind his son Jake. ("He plays for UND you know," Said Perry) Finally Josh Gilbertson was able to make 6 saves to earn the win. "This is the first time I had more save than goals allowed. I think I'm turning the corner," said a confident Gilbertson. "He still sucks," Quipped Shawn McMillan. The win puts the Army at 4-4-1. The first time the Army has been over the .500 mark this late in the season if 10 years.

Red Army takes on expansion team

The Red Army takes on Overtime (defunct bar and grill) tonight at 6:00 at the Blue Line Arena. This is the first meeting ever between the teams. After the moratorium for expansion in the Huff-n-Puff league was lifted, Overtime was given the nod. Not much is know about this team. "We have to expect them to be good. We have to be at the top of our game," Said Coach Terry Paukert. He continued, "We aren't that good, we expect that everyone is better than us." The Army is hoping to play a full 51 minutes this week. After blowing a 3 goal lead late in the 3rd last week against Gerrell's the Army was embarrassed. "We deserved to get punished at University Park last week. Coach paukert just kept saying "Again, Again", we will be ready tonight," said a confident Perry Marto, who has yet to score this season. Of course he needs to play more than once a month. Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets. Very few are still available for tonight's game.

Army ties Gerrell's, Gives up 3 goals in final 6 minutes

The Red Army blew a 3 goal lead in the third period in a tie against Gerrell's. The Army was ahead 6-3 with just under 6 minutes to play. Gerrell's tied it at six with just over a minute to play in the game. The Army did have 2 glorious chances to win the game, but Lance "tripod" Norman couldn't capitalize. Even though Norman scored a goal he was credited with 33 shots on net. "Even a blind pig finds corn," said Bill Knipe. "This is an embarrassment to Army hockey," said owner Darrell Boucher. Boucher had a bus pick up the Army after the game and they were carted to University Park. Where assistant coach, Danny Marto, skated the Army for 75 minutes in -20 temperatures. The media wasn't allowed to talk to any of the players after the practice. Reports say that Army Defensmen, Chad Swenseid, was so cold that he was able to break off some of his back hair.

Army Looks for 3 in a Row

The Red Army is looking for there first 3 game win streak in 8 years as they take on Gerrell's at 9:30 at the Eagles Arena. With the late start there are lots of good seats left. Also the game has been moved from ESPN 8 to ESPN 3. This will give the Army better coverage throughout the area. The Army is hoping for the return of Lance Norman. Norman was AWOL from last game. (Most likely the reason for the 9-4 win) Norman claims that he had a touch of the flu. His Doctor, Dr. Warner, had a legal document faxed to Red Army headquarters last Thursday morning explaining Norman's absence. Repeated calls to both Norman and Warner were not returned. Army assistant GM Paul Markovich said this in a prepared statement, "We are disappointed in the actions of Norman. He failed to see the team doctor, Dr. Dave Whalen. But with the legal document that we have, nothing can be done. So Norman will be in the line-up tonight. This reporter has learned that Norman was with Dr. Norman last Wednesday. But not at the hospital. Norman and Warner were seen last Wednesday with Pacman Jones at a strip club in Fargo. Cameras outside the club have verified both Jones and Warner, the images are to grainy to tell if Norman is the third. But with his status of a "Elite Athlete", witnesses claim that he was there. More on this developing situation.

Palmiscno, Comeau Each Score Four in Army Win

The Red Army dominated Play it Again Sports 9-4 last night in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army never trailed in the game. Steve Palmiscno and Kurt Comeau each scored 4 goals with Shawn McMillan tallying the other. It was Palmiscno's first 4 goal game since his days roaming University Park. "It was great to put the puck in the net. This is why I was picked up to play on this team. My agent, Terrell Owens, has taught me everything I know. This team would be win-less without me." Comeau was much more modest about his first career four goal game. "I just want to thank God for the opportunity to play on this team. I can't believe I scored on a penalty shot." Comeau is now 1-47 in his career on penalty shots. Army GM Kevin Kyle stated, "It is about time those 2 did something. Palmiscno was very close to becoming a casualty just like Pac-man Jones. I know he and Jones are very good friends, so he better be on his best behavior." Kyle continued, "Comeau better keep this pace up, he doesn't play in his own end, so he better score or he will get a one way ticket to the Arctic Circle."

Will 2 Week Layoff Hurt Army?

The Red Army takes on a highly skilled Play it Again Sports team tonight at 8:15 in the Gambucci Arena. "To have a two week layoff and then play these guys will be a vaunting task. There skill is as good as anyone in our league," said Perry Marto. Steve Olson added, "They average 40 lbs. less per man, of course they will have more skill then us." The Army carries a 2-4 record into the second half of the season. With two tough losses the Army could have been over the .500 mark. This would have been a milestone, as the Army hasn't been over .500 after Christmas since 1998. For tickets call 1-800-REDARMY.

Army back on the ice tomorrow night

The Red Army plays tomorrow night at 8:15 at the Gambucci Arena. They will take on Play it Again Sports. With a 2 week layoff, the Army could be a little rusty! More on tap tomorrow.