Not only terrible hockey but horrible reporting.

The previous report of the Army loss was erroneously reported as 6-2. The actual score was 5-2. The Red Army had great jump last night, again out shooting their opponent 48-12. Coach Paukert was asked about the goaltending situation again saying “If I had an empty Coke bottle I would have put that between the pipes. Josh Gilbertson may have had his worst night yet. Again he is handling the puck way too much. This time even shooting the puck off an opponent’s body and into his own net. We are considering putting Anderson back in the net. Well not really.” The lone bright spot in last nights game was the pleasant absence of Todd Schumacher, though McMillan did his best to replicate passing to the other team. Also missing were Ole, Norman, and Marto – nobody complained. The locker room atmosphere after the game was rather somber, as not even Steve Palmo had anything to say to Gilby. It seems this once mighty team has given up. It appears even Schumacher continuous streak of scoring at least 1 goal every year is in serious jeopardy.

Another loss

Army losses 6-2 to Gerrell's. I wasn't at game, so the update is done. Anyone can use the comment tab below to talk about the game.

Can the Army score more than 2 goals tonight

The Red Army takes on Gerrell's tonight at 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The Army has struggled putting the puck in the net. Averaging less than 2 goals a game has player/coach, Terry Paukert concerned, "We know that we have to score at least 5 goals to give us a chance to win. Look at our goalie. So this week in practice we shot 100 puck at day at the shooter tutor. We were able to score on 5. So if we get 100 shots we will win." "Just remember, we can't give up more than 4 shots," quipped a cheerful Lance Norman. The Army still has scouts looking throughout the former Soviet Union. Assistant GM, Paul Markovich has found anyone yet. "It is tough to sign anyone when all you can offer is a used puck bag, 3 rolls of tape and 6 bottles of vodka. Kevin Kyle has my hands tied. Let me offer them a year supply of Borscht, and I think I can get a few guys." A new twist for the Red Army News. Please make your prediction for tonight's game under the comments tab below the article. Closest to the correct score will get a prize courtesy of the Red Army.

Army falls to 1-8-2

The Red Army has fallen to new lows after last night's devastating loss to ACME 3-1. The Army held a 1-0 lead heading into the 3rd period. That lead quickly vanished in 3 shifts. ACME scored on the 1st and 3rd shifts of the period to take a commanding 2-1 lead. An empty netter sealed the win for ACME. "We controlled the first 2 periods. We got up 1-0 in the seconds and went right into the famous Red Army dump and chase. We we poised to get our second victory," said player/coach Terry Paukert. "Every time we get up on a team, we give up a weak goal," said Steve Olson. Acme scored from a shot from the corner to tie it up. The shot went off of Shawn McMillan's stick and unbelievably between Josh Gilbertson legs. When McMillan was asked about the goal he replied, "That is the last time I will back check this year. If I was floating out at center, they don't score!" Josh Gilbertson had no comment on the goal or his play, who ended with 11 saves on the night. Perry Marto wasn't shy from commenting. "I thought Moses was dead. I have never seen a five hole as large as Gilby's. It was the second parting of the Red Sea." This once proud franchise could be on the brink of falling apart unless they start scoring goals. The team is averaging 2.2 goals on the year. GM Kevin Kyle, "With our goaltending and defensive problems, we need to average 6.5 goals a game just to get to the .500 mark. I have sent assistant GM, Paul Markovich, to Siberia to find me some guys that can score!" Right now, the Army could have Alex Ovechkin playing for them and it wouldn't be good enough.

Can the Army get back on Track

The Red Army takes on ACME tonight at 8:30 at the Purpur Arena. The league has begun flex scheduling like the NFL. Though the Huff-n-Puff league is doing the scheduling opposite of what the NFL does. The NFL puts the "so-called" better games on a later time. The Huff-n-Puff is putting the "so-called" crap games on late. League commissioner Brian Purcell stated, "The whole league is crap, but the Army has only one win so they play late. If the win tonight, we can move them to an earlier spot. But the way they are going their next game will be played at midnight." "Maybe Gilby will play better at that time, because he is awful any other time," said a mifffed Steve Palmiscno. For the Army to come out with a victory they will have to score 5 goals. Right now they couldn't put in in the ocean from a small boat. Hopefully the secret practices they have had all week will help. Coach Terry Paukert wouldn't say what happened at the practices, where they were and the time. When asked Paukert only said, "No comment." His best quote all season.

The winning streak is OVER!

The Red Army had their one game winning steak ended last night to the hands of the Broken Drum. The final score was 4-2. Things looked promising for the Army early, as Steve "D 1" Palmiscno scored twice early in the game for the Army. The Army actually held the lead at 2-1 in the 2nd period, but then things fell apart. "I can't do everything," said a disgusted Steve Palmiscno. "I scored twice and set up numerous chances. How can I reach my contract bonuses if my linemates can't put the bisket in the basket." The Army was solid defensively, only giving up 4 sots the first half of the game. But a breakdown in defensive coverage the rest of the game and the Broken Drum scored on 3 of their final 5 shots. Coach Terry Paukert, "With Steve Olson on the injured reserve tonight I had to insert myself into the line up. But it is the same thing game in and game out. We can't give up any shots!" Paukert continued, "If I play again, there is no way I'm partnering up with Schumacher. He is always the other teams best player." Schumacher replied, " I thought I did well. I was only -1 and I didn't wiff on any pucks. That is a huge game stat wise." The loss dropped the Army to a dismal 1-7-2 on the season. Virtually no chance on winning another league title. It has been 12 years since the Army last raise the Huff-n-Puff cup. This reporter doesn't think it will happen again. Unless they can find a league lower, but I think they would have to find a league in a country that doesn't play hockey!

2 in a Row ain't no record

The Red Army looks for 2 wins in a row tonight as they take on the Broken Drum at 8:15 at the Gambucci in Huff-n-Puff action. The Army stunning victory last week, raised their to a sultry 1-6-2. Coach Terry Paukert stated in his weekly press conference. "We are poised to make a second half run at the league title. With only being 4 games back we have the rest of the teams right where we want them. I think we can be a sleeper." I can't see how the Army could be a sleeper. The shear size of this team allows other to see them a block away. "I may not have had my best game last week," said Steve Olson. "But with the goal I scored I think I'm ready to go on a torrid pace. I just hope the forwards are ready, because I will be rushing the puck up every chance I get. I will create tonight!" The biggest thing that the Army faces is, can their 3rd line produce. They are a combined -34 on the year. Coach Paukert has moved veteran center Shawn McMillan in between wingers Mike Anderson and Lance Norman. McMillan reluctantly accepted the roll. "The coach said I don't have to play defense. That is what my wingers are for. Just get me the puck and I will score 3 tonight. I think it is better than playing will Bill and Marto." Not very many tickets remain. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available.

Finally a win

The Red Army defeated the Warriors for their first win of the season 4-3. Goals by Kurt Comeau, Mike Anderson, Steve Olson and Bill Knipe. Yeh that is right, Bill scored. The Army dominated the game from the drop of the puck as Comeau scored on the first shift. The Army did struggle to score as the first period ended at 1-0. The Army had a 15-1 shot advantage. The Warriors did tie it mid-way through the 2nd and Steve Olson got beat on a pinch and the warriors scored on a breakaway. That goal seemed to get the Army going. Mike Anderson answered to make it 2-1 after 2. Then the Army scored twice in the first 3 minutes of the third to take a 4-1 lead. "We thought we would be able to coast the last ten minutes of the game. They couldn't generate anything until the last five minutes. Olson and Gilbertson should feel shamed by the way they tried to give the Warriors the game," said Steve Palmiscno. Perry Marto added, "We expected it from Gilby, but we never thought Ole would play like Schumacher!" The win raised the Army record to 1-5-2 on the season. It looks like the new year could bring good things to the Army. The best was the absence of Shawn McMillan last night. GM Kevin Kyle said that Shawn "Vince Young" McMillan may possibly be put on waivers, but as Kyle said, "No one will claim him and we will most likely have to keep him!"

baron

a little note from chris you gus suck? we are going for are first win to. we hope shu is in the line up tonight. so cuch can smoke his ass. we are not worried about billy ether. he is a shadow of the man he use to be. we heard flaagan wes man handeling him last game? looser byes the beer after the game. thank you very much.

"Warriors come out and play"

The second half of the season starts tonight as the Red Army takes on the Warriors in Huff-n-Puff action. The game is at 8:00 pm at the Eagles Arena. Many questions surround the 0-5-2 Army. The biggest questions is will the Army win a game this year. The odds at the Hilton in Las Vegas has the Army at 3-1 not to win a game. Other questions are abound. Will Josh Gilbertson get his save percentage over 66%. Will Perry Marto score more goals than his son Jake. Will Shawn McMillan have to play with Marto and Bill. Will Todd Palmisnco make it through the year without snapping. Will Steve Knipe Play his position. Will Lance Norman toughen up and quit playing like a sissy. Will Len Boucher wear the "Brown". Will Terry Paukert play again. Will Chad Swendseid use his socks again. Will Steve Olson see his feet. Will Steve Palmiscno pass it to Todd Schumacher. Will Kurt Comeau pass the puck to someone without having them yell for the pass. Will Mike Anderson Shoot Kurt instead of tazing hime. Will Bill Knipe allow anyone else to order the post game meal. Finally, WILL TODD SCHUMACHER SCORE THIS YEAR TO KEEP THE STREAK ALIVE!