Army, Wackers tie at 2-2

The Red Army and the Buschwacker played to a 2-2 tie in a hard fought game. The game was a classic. It brought memories from way back in the 90's. Both teams played tough defense and had numerous scoring chances. But again goaltending was the issue. Army goalie Josh Gilbertson had 6 saves, compared to the Wackers goalie, Lee Kaulbaugh had 66. The army found its self down 2-1 in the waning moments of the game. That is when Steve Palmiscno and Chad Swendsied took over. Swenny threaded a perfect pass to Palmiscno for his second tally of the night. "When we got down 2-1 after Gilby let in a weak one. I decided to take over," said a smug Palmiscno. Jerry Lundby of the Wackers said, "I've never seen a performance like that before. I'm glad he can only turn it on once a year. Remember he is a Palmiscno, and they can only shoot their wad once!" Unfortunately the game ended in a tie. So Baron doesn't have to retire and Kevin Kyle doesn't have to come out of retirement. Josh Gilbertson said, "I let the weak one in on purpose. I wanted to see Kyle TRY to play again. I'm so mad at Palmo. He ruined my plan."

Loser Leave Town Match, Kinda

Tonight is a marquee match-up in the Huff-n-Puff League. The Red Army takes on the El Roco Buschwackers. The game is sold out. The puck drops at 6:45 at the Eagles Arena. The game will be televised on ESPN Classic. Both teams have struggled of late, but you can throw the records right out the window when these two teams tangle. The bad blood is really boiling. Rumor has it that there has been a huge wager placed on the game. Brian "Baron" Purcell and Kevin Kyle have something in the works. Chris Mortenson of ESPN is reporting that if the Red Army wins, Baron must retire on the spot. If the Wackers win, Kevin Kyle must suit up on more time! Paul Endres of the Wackers said, "Hell, if that is all it takes to get Baron to retire, we will throw the game. I think the Army would love to see Kyle TRY to play again." Steve Palmiscno said, "They can try to throw the game, but remember we have Gilby in the net. He can score on himself." The game proves to be the best game of the week. The amount of press passes given out is surpassing what the Super Bowl has done. The biggest news on the day is that everyone on the ice will be safe. Mike Anderson will not be at the game, so there shouldn't be any massive collision on the ice. Said Kieth Anderson, "That is perfect, I can skate around with my head down and fell safe!"

Goalie change, same result

The Red Army finally put Josh Gilbertson on the bench for his lackluster play the last few weeks. Mike Anderson was thrown back between the pipes, but that didn't halt the 3 game skid. Kelly's defeated the Army 8-3. Though Anderson played ok, having 27 saves, the Army just didn't have any flow. "If Gilby plays in the net we lose 16-3. Hopefully this benching will get him playing again. If we have to play Anderson in the net again he may have a heart attack. I think he sweated off 16 pounds," said a disgusted Steve Palmiscno. The Army had a tough time starting the game. It was 4-0 5 minutes into the game. This reporter thinks it had to deal with Todd Schumacher still getting medical treatment before the game and he had to miss those minutes in the first period. "Hey, when Schuie was in the game, it was 4-3. If we have him the whole game it is a 5-4 game either way," said Bill Knipe. When asked about being an integral part of the team a humble Schumacher said, "I'm just hear to help the team win. We are a team and all of win and lose together." Chad Swendseid was livid after the game. Apparently the Army was trying to force a suspension of the game and play it next week. "GM Kevin Kyle said that he was going to take care of it. Obviously he thought we played at Red River high school and not the Eagles Arena. The fire was suppose to be at the Arena. Heads should roll!" Kyle was unavailable for comment. Assist GM, Paul Markovich told the Red Army News that Kyle had to take a sudden trip to Brazil, a country that does have an extradition treaty with the United States. More on this next week.

Army has a tough one tonight

The 3-5-1 Red Army takes on a talented Kelly's team that dismantled the Army earlier this year. The Army will have to be at the top of their game to get a win tonight. The Amry has defeated Kelly's in the past, but they will have to clicking on all cylinders. The Army will be without their most creative defensemen Steve Olson. Ole is nursing an esophagus injury. Ole hurt it while trying to down 2 Zep Grinders, while still telling Kevin how to print shirts. The Army could also be without Todd Schumacher. Schumacher is a game time decision. If he doesn't play, the Army may struggle. Schumacher is hot on the offensive end. Without 2 veteran defensemen, goalie Josh Gilbertson will have to play better than he has all of his life. "That's a joke. Gilby can't stop anything. And without Ole and Schuie, taking up a lot of space in the zone, Kelly's will have lots of angles to shoot from," said Steve Palmiscno. Game time is 6:45 at the Ealges Arena. Plenty of seats still remain!

Army losses, SCHUMACHER SCORES

The Red Army got spanked 7-2 against a talented Gerrell's team last night in Huff-n-Puff action. Goaltending again was the nemesis for the Army. Josh Gilbertson had 7 save on 14 shots and had 2 assist for Gerrell's. "At least he was tied for most points on the night for the team," said Steve Knipe. The Army looked like they were going to get shut out. The Gerrell's goalie was solid throughout the game. Over 2 periods he had 44 saves and ended with 56. But the shutout was broken up by Todd Schumacher. Schumacher was feed like a baby from Kurt Comeau and he put the puck where mamma keeps the cookies, the top shelf. The shot was a laser beam, and the Gerrell's goalie didn't have a chance. "Comeau gave me a great pass. I was just able to bury it." The goal gives Schumacher at least one goal a year in the 27 year history of the Huff-n-Puff league. Perry Marto commented, "What the hell are we going to do now. Schumacher scored too early in the season. We were hoping he wouldn't and then he would quit." Marto continued, "Again the management kept me out of the game, and we lose. I need to play and we will win!" GM Kevin Kyle said, "Marto will play when I say he will play. Tonight should be all about Schumacher. Do we have to call Marto, Mark Sanchez?"

Late one tonight

The Red Army take on Gerrell's at 8:30 at the Purpur Arena. The late time is to accommodate the large crowd expected for tonight's game. Ticket sales so far have top 12 and a record crowd of 24 is expected. "I just hope our coach, Terry Paukert can stay awake for the game. 10 o'clock Pauk is going to have to take a nap today," said Perry Marto. Speaking of Marto. He is convince that when he is playing the Army wins and when he is scratched the Army losses. He may have a point. GM Kevin Kyle, "I don't think that has anything to do with the success or failure of the club. We have sat Marto against the upper echelon of the league. He just can't keep up with the Caulfield like teams anymore." Call 1-800 REDARMY for your tickets. There are plenty left!

Army comeback falls short

The Red Army tried to overcome a 5-2 third period deficit only to loss 6-5 to Caulfield's. Goaltending was again a factor for the Army. Josh Gilbertson finished the night with 6 saves. Gilby said, "Hey I stopped half of them." Steve Olson was quick to add, "Anytime the Army scores 5 goals we should win. It doesn't happen very often." "We may not score 5 in a month," quipped Chad Swendseid. The Army had 5 different scorers last night. Len Boucher, Shawn McMillan, Bill Knipe, Todd Palmiscno and Chad Swendseid all tallied for the Army. Army coach, Terry Paukert said, "If we can get 5 different guys to score it is a miracle and we should win. I'm sending Gilby to Bolshoy Kamen, Russia for training purposes." Paukert continued, "I don't think Tretiak can help him. Sending him back to the mother land is our only hope." The loss drops the Army to 3-4-1. But don't give up hope Army fans, plenty of weeks to go before the end of the season.

Second half begins tonight!

The 3-3-1 Red Army takes on Caulfield Studios tonight at 7:15 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. The Army is coming off one of their most impressive performances in years. An 8-2 thrashing of the Broken Drum. "We Marto back in the lineup last game the first line just clicked," said Steve Palmiscno. "WE need Marto's toughness and play making ability out there." A humble Marto answered, "I just out there to help the team win. My play isn't because my contract is up at the end of the season." GM Kevin Kyle states, "Marto needs to have a big second half, if not, he will be given his mandatory retirement papers." Len Boucher added, "Marto has been retired for the past 5 years." If the Army intends to go anywhere the rest of the season, Josh Gilbertson will have to play better in the nets. His 72% save percentage will have to increase to at least 77% for the Army to finish with an over .500 record for the first time in a decade! "There is no way Gilby can have that many saves. The defense will have to now black 20 shots a game," said a perturbed Chad Swendseid. There are not many tickets left for tonight's game. Call 1-800-REDARMY for the best available.