Army upsets #1 Kelly's

The Army stunned Kelly's last night 8-5. "This is a bigger upset than Penn State beat #4 Michigan," said Coach Terry Paukert. Coach Paukert made a great move in making Steve Palmiscno a healthy scratch and inserting rookie Wade Anderson. Anderson had the hat trick for the Army. Anderson humbly said, "I'm just here to help the team win." Lance Norman chimed in, "I think it was better that Perry Marto didn't play. He claims to be injured. #15 hot wings at the Cay isn't an injury." Norman was also a star with a couple of goals. Jade Gilberton of Kelly's (also a healthy scratch) said, "Normy and I had a couple of late night practice session. We got down hard on each other to make ourselves better." Shawn McMillan answered, "That is just wrong." Bill Knipe had a huge game and received praise from Kelly's Tim Loven, "I never realize how good Bill is. I've seen him wheel a hammer and it isn't good. At least he has hockey to fall back on if his construction career stalls."

3-11-2 or 4-10-2, your pick?

The Army plays against Kelly's tonight at 9:00 at the Grand Forks Blue Line Arena. With the late start, most of the Army players will have to take a nap. "Half of us are AARP members. 9:00 is late. We are looking into age discrimination with our lawyers," said a frustrated coach, Terry Paukert. "Maybe the right guys won't show up and we will have a chance to win," said Perry Marto. There have been zero tickets sold in advance of the game tonight. So no need to call.

Another Stinker!

Ok fans, the Army losses again. BBI beats the Army 3-2. The loss drops the Army to 3-10-2. The Army just sucked tonight. Shawn McMillan and Steve Palmiscno scored for the Army. That may have been the only bright spot. The Army brought up two players from the farm system to see if that would propel the Army to a victory. Wade Anderson and Cam Olson proved that they are in the minors for a reason. "They aren't even close to play at this level", said Steve Olson. "I know Cam is my son, but he needs to go back to Siberia and get better." Shawn McMillan said," Anderson might be a good painter but he needs a lot of help on his hockey playing. Remember Schumacher coached him, he has a lot of improving to do." Schumacher quipped, "McMillan is right, he never listened to me. He should be better." The biggest question the Army has is, when is the season done. "Baron should end the season now," said a disappointed Steve Knipe. Kurt Comeau added, "The season should only be 10 weeks long, we would be much better then."

Game Time is 7:15

The 3-9-2 Army plays against BBI tonight at the Purpur Arena. Plenty of tickets are available for tonight's game. With the Army now mathematically eliminated from the play-offs, the throng of fans just will not show up. The Army may have a tough time getting motivated for the game without many fans. Shawn McMillan had another take on the situation, "I'm playing for my contract. I will demand the highest ever Army salary." Bill Knipe snapped back, "What have you been playing for the last 14 games. You deserve 3 rolls of used tape for a contract now." Perry Marto said, "McMillan has always said, 'jump on my back, I got you guys', let's see if he can EVER do it." Call 1-800-REDARMY for tickets.

Army drops to 3-9-2

The Army fans are disappointed again as they were dismantled 5-2 last night against Caulfield's. The shorthanded Army was wore down throughout the night. The Army only trailed 2-1 after 2 periods. But, with only 3 defensemen, the Army just could get the puck out of their zone. Erik Melland made numerous outstanding saves. "It is about time our goalie played well. 70 saves tonight was pretty good," said Lance Norman. Steve Olson chimed in, "If I was our goalie I would have scored on my self then flipped off Coach Pauk and then left the ice." Coach Pauk said," I wanted to flip of the team and leave after we were down 1-0 after the first shift. The players don't have to watch this crap."

Another Late one

Army fans on your feet!! Huge game tonight vs Caulfields at 8:15. Game is at the Gambucci Arena. With the late start time, Coach Terry "10 o'clock" Pauk has order mandatory naps for the team at 2:00. "I'm hoping the team can stay up that late," said The Pauk. (Oh by the way Coach Pauk was inducted into the Grand Forks Central Athletic Hall of Fame. It is for coaching, not playing for the Army. Hard to believe. Congrats Pauk) "The only person that needs a nap is the coach," said Len Boucher. The team was very upbeat at practice yesterday except for Chad Swendseid. When ask Sweeny answered, "I'm just upset that wrestling is going to be dropped for the Olympics. Where else can you watch 2 men rub their bodies up against each other without getting arrested. It is just beautiful." "Swenny you need help," screamed Shawn McMillan. Though Steve Olson agreed with Swenny. But would let the Red Army News Quote him. But he was later seen walking into Fantasies. Hopefully there will be TWO locker rooms for the Army tonight!

Be Still Your Hearts, The Army Wins!

The Red Army surprised the hockey world with their 3rd victory of the season. The Army actually dominated in a 4-2 win over Gerrell's. "Anytime we win it is domination," said Len Boucher. The biggest surprise of the night was having both Bill Knipe and Todd Palmiscno score. "Those two haven't scored in the same game since the Reagan Administration," said staunch Republican, Kurt Comeau. The Army did suffer a loss last night when Chad Swendsied pulled a groin muscle on a back check. Sweeeny said, "What the hell am I doing back checking. We have a goalie to make a stop." "And our goalie made 10 saves on the night," said Lance Norman. Norman continued, "It is the most saves he had all year." The Win propels the Army to 3-8-2, bringing up the win percentage to .307. Next weeks game is at 8:15 at the Gambucci Arena against Caulfield's

Army vs Gerrell's

Tonight's game is at 8:00 at the GFBLC Arena vs Gerrell's. The Army is 2-8-2. So there isn't anything to write about. This team just sucks. Shawn McMillan said, "I thought we were worse than that. Sucks is good for this team." The only question about tonight's game will be: WILL LANCE NORMAN BE IN THE HOUSE. More importantly, will he be paying his fine for missing the last 3 weeks!