Army just can't score enough

The Red Army was beaten 5-3 last night by Gerrell's. The Army struggled scoring all night against former Army goalie Chris Decker. The Army mustard 3 goals in a matter of 2 minutes in the 3 period. Goals by Matt Palmiscno, Kurt Comeau and struggling Wade Anderson brought the Army even with 14 minutes left in the game. But soon after, goalie Eric Melland gave up the 4th goal to Gerrell's over his glove. "Just stand up," quipped Steve Palmscino. Coach Terry Paukert said, "Melland struggled, but the amount of chances that Perry Marto and Bill Knipe. They need to get better." Steve Olson added, "Those two couldn't score in a brothel with a fist full of rubbers!" The best thing is that the season may only have 2 weeks left. "I can't wait til the season is over. Every time I watch the video after the game, I loose my lunch," said GM Kevin Kyle. As of know the Army will be playing at 5:45 next week against Acme. The game is being played at the Gambucci Arena.

Is the Season Done Yet!!

The hapless Red Army takes on Gerrell's tonight at 8:30 in the Purpur Arena. Not much fanfare for this game. Ticket sales have ceased and free admission will be honored for the game tonight. The Army is desperately seeking the end of another dismal year. "We don't care if Schumacher scores this year," said Kurt Comeau. Wade Anderson chimed in, "We suck!" Remember Anderson was brought in to replace the retired Shawn McMillan. Anderson was lighting up the ECHL when he got the call up. Everyone in the league thought he would be the next great scorer. Well in true Army fasion, he is a bust. "I can't believe he was compared to me," said director of player personal, McMillan. "Norman would be a better comparison!" If this reporter doesn't throw up after watching the Army tonight, there will be an update tomorrow!

Army vs Boardwalk

Is it the 5, 6, or 7th time these two teams have met. Game time is at 7:45 at the GF Blue Line Arena. The Army will be without Todd Schumacher and Tood Palmiscno. Both are healthy scratches. "We need more consistency with our defense. Those two are getting it done. They look like the Russian Olympic team," Said coach Paukert. MVP of last game Perry Marto stated, "My play last week was exemplar in all aspect, especially face offs." Len Boucher answered, "What the hell is exemplar?" Lots of tickets remain for tonight's game!

Army gets beat yet again

The Red Army was beat 4-1 last night to the hands of The Buschwackers. The Wackers jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead in the first. A bad change caused the first goal and the second goal was all the goalies fault, as said by Steve Palmiscno. The Wackers made it 3-0 in the 2nd when the Army just couldn't get it out of the zone. "Lance Norman had a chane to get it out. He just couldn't, said assistant coach, Shawn McMillan. McMillan continued he tirade on Norman. "Norman was the worst player on the ice. He 2 week layoff really hurt him. A trade may be in order!" The Army made it a 2 goal deficit when Todd Palmiscno scored on a picture perfect pass from Todd Schumacher. The Wackers thought that Schumacher was going to shoot the puck, but instead fed Palmiscno with a no look pass for the talley. Palmiscno said, "Schuey made a top ten sportscenter pass. If we don't see that play on the late sportscenter broadcast I will be surprised." The Army had numerous chances to make it closer, but just could score on their numerous chances. The Wackers scored an open net goal after another turnover by Norman. The game did have some late game drama as Matt Palmiscno and Jerry Lundby had some discussions after the open net goal. Steve Palmiscno tried to help his son in the discussion. Steve Palmisnco said, "I had to help Matt. He went to Red River and is kinda a cupcake." It took at least an hour to find out why the discussion and pushing match started. Finally Baron Purcell broke the silence. "The way I understand it is Lundby said that his wife can make a Calzone better than any Palmiscno. It didn't take long for the Italian blood to boil!" The Army and the Wackers have split their 2 games. The next one should be a dilly!

The Red Army News is Back

After a 2 week layoff due to a funding problem with Vladimir Putin taking all of the money for the Sochi Olympics, the News is back. The Red Army faces of against the Buschwackers tonight at 6:45 at the Eagles Arena. Tonight's game is bigger than the USA/Canada Women's game that played earlier today. The Army stomped the Wackers 8-3 earlier this year. The Army was able to win without Todd Schumacher in the lineup. With the Stalwart Defenseman back in the line up, what we we expect tonight. "Most likely a loss," said Perry Marto. "Schumacher is no good, and when is the media and ownership going to figure this out." The Wackers Baron Purcell added, "Schumacher will most likely be our player!" Tonight's game is preempting The Olympic Figure skating. Tickets are going fast. Call 1-800-REDARMY for yours!