Army Stunner

The Red Army stunned the Huff-n-Puff league with a rare win over Acme last night 5-3. The Army was lead, unbelievably by Perry Marto's 1 goal and 2 assists. "I was a dominant player for once this year. It felt good," said a proud Marto. Steve Olson added, "He thinks just standing in front of the net and having the puck hit him is a dominant performance." The Army finally got some goaltending from Eric Melland. Melland had 18 saves to backstop the Army. Melland said, "I'm just here to help the team. I'm really tired. I haven't had that many saves since my 1st year in squirts." The Army is playing for contracts next week as the season will come to an end. The guy that is in the most trouble is Todd Schumacher. Schumacher still hasn't scored this year and is in jeopardy of having his 28 year goal scoring streak end. "Two years ago it came to the last game and I notch 2. I'm not worried at all. I would have scored tonight if Steve Palmiscno would have put the puck on my stick without moving it." Palmiscno added, "I feed him like a baby, what else does he want!" Management has said that if Schumacher doesn't score he has to sign a 4 year contract just to make him suffer until he is 50. The line at the Riviera Casino in Vegas has the odds of Schumacher scoring at 10-1 against. Looks like he will be playing way over his prime!